How To Break The Addiction To Anger

It is easy to become addicted. We are all creatures of habit.
Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in
our lives. When they are disrupted our sense of well being
becomes easily threatened. However, when we depend upon a habit
for our sense of well being, it is easy for it to develop into
an addiction.
Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal
addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict
becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger brings. As the
addiction grows, it consumes more and more of their lives,
producing painful consequences.
The best way to undo an addiction is to look it squarely in the
face, see what triggers it, how it functions become aware of the
false promises it offers and the huge costs we pay. Then we
replace old behaviors with new ones that are easy and enjoyable.
As we dissolve an addiction we regain power back over our lives.
To begin to dissolve the addiction to anger, we will start by
becoming aware. What is the source of this addiction? What
function does it serve?
Functions of Addictions
When we are addicted to anything (anger, substances,
relationships), many troubling aspects of life are blocked out.
Our focus narrows. The addiction numbs us to painful feelings we
may not wish to deal with. The addiction is serving as a defense
against anxiety. It prevents us from seeing and dealing with
issues, which need to be attended to.
In particular, an addiction to anger provides a sense of power.
This is often a defense against feeling helpless or inadequate.
Individuals become blind to the fact that as the addiction
develops, they will need more and more of it to feel okay. Not
only does the dosage increase, but so does the negative impact
upon their lives.
Addiction provides a false sense of security. At first it makes
the individual feel safe and secure. The reality, however, is
that an addiction blinds an individual from doing what needs to
be done to build a life of true value and stability.
Effects Of Addiction To Anger
When we are angry we often have a temporary feeling of
strength, energy,power, authority or control. Much like alcohol,
the surge of anger, which takes over, block out fears,
inhibitions and doubts. There is a temporary sense of freedom
and empowerment that we normally lack.
Anger also blocks out logical thought processes, producing a
sense that we are absolutely right. Some individuals who have
trouble making decisions can make them easily then. Decisions
made while angry often focus only upon a limited aspect of the
situation. These kinds of decisions rarely provide positive
outcomes.
Anger provides a sense of justification. Many actions that
might seem unacceptable when calm seem perfectly fine when we
are angry. Anger also encourages us to blurt out negative
thoughts and feelings we may have been holding in that might
have better gone left unsaid. Of course, after the surge of
anger passes, it is difficult to take these words back. Even if
we apologize the after effects remain.
Dissolving The Addiction To Anger:
1)List the times in which you feel angry or upset
automatically. What person, thoughts, memory or situation brings
this up? For now, just notice this and write it down. As you go
through the day, if another situation strikes you, step back,
notice it, and write it down as well. Rather than reacting
blindly, you are now taking time to become aware. Once you
become fully aware of the way anger operates in your life it
will not be able to sneak up from behind.
2)Find a substitute for the automatic angry reaction. Instead
of reacting the same old way the next time the situation arises,
stop, breathe and tell yourself, I will not be a slave to anger
anymore. Stop and listen to the person and say to yourself,
“This time I will let them be right. There’s plenty of time to
be right later.” See how much better you feel now getting pulled
down into anger.
3)Find a new way of viewing the situation. Instead of seeing
them as an enemy, tell yourself that their anger is a cry for
help. It comes from pain and conflict within. Instead of going
on the attack, say to the person (either in your mind or out
loud), “What can I do to serve you?” Not only will this diffuse
the anger, but will open new doors for both of you to walk
through.


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