Anger in Children: When is it a Problem?

Anger is a normal emotion that every happy healthy adult andchild has to deal with from time to time. When does expressinganger become a problem? Children go through different stageswith their age that affect the way they deal with anger. Angeris usually not a root emotion, but a term that may coverfeelings ranging from embarrassment, frustration, loneliness toguilt. A newborn baby expresses their "anger" or frustrationover being hungry, tired or uncomfortable by screaming andcrying. A two-year-old may throw tantrums that include rollingaround on the floor or trying to hit the parent, sibling or eventheir pet. As a child gets older, hopefully proper responses toanger have been modeled for them and they can learn to expresstheir anger more appropriately.
Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressivebehavior, gets out of control and when the root cause of theproblem isn't being dealt with. For instance, often childrenwith undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angryoutbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they arestruggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing inon them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren't tryinghard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn't able todeal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidentsthat would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoidfeeling "stupid" or incapable. Once the problem is discoveredand the child gets the help, support and proper discipline thatis needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappearaltogether.
It is important that children learn how to express theiremotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child shouldnever be told that their feelings are wrong, though they mayneed reminding if their behavior is wrong. For instance youmight say, "Johnny, I understand that you are angry about yourbrother breaking your toy, that wasn't fair, but it is not okayto hit when you are angry." The child needs to know that hisfeelings are validated and should also be given some ideas abouthow to handle the situation better the next time they are in asimilar position.
Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, includingchildren. Good communication and modeling good behavior are twoof the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger.Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she doesanything that is positive can also help them understand what itexpected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the timeto check yourself to see if you spend too much time beingnegative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If theparents in the home aren't dealing with anger appropriately,they can't expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you arewrong and apologize to your child, teaching them to do the same.If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, itmay be time to get some additional help and guidance.

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