Anger is one among the many emotions of human. The extremes ofany instinctive emotions of human have to be seen seriously, andanger is never an exception.
Anger is one's reaction to some happenings, or it could be anoutcome of some other things revolving in his or her mind. Moreprecisely, people find anger as an aggressive way of respondingtowards something he dislikes or anything not in harmony withhis or her morale. Importantly, anger is an instinctiveaggressive reflection of human and never a premeditated versionof behavioral pattern, in majority of cases. Also, this emotioncan very well fall into numerous categories of anger like angerto others, self anger, anger towards social injustice etc.
Peeping into different interpretations, should anger beconsidered as a delicate emotion of man or as an intricatebehaviour of man? Answer to this question lies in the impact ofconsequences, an emotional behavior like this could bring in.Since uncontrolled delicacy leads intricacy, this emotion, as amatter of fact, can never be treated as an insubstantial issueto deal with. If anybody go for a thorough examination ofdifferent versions of anger, the subject will be as diverse, asinteresting and as worthy as it can be. As mentioned, self-angeris too crucial an issue, since people won't often realize andthink the reason why he or she got angry. This often ends up inscrewing others happiness. People, who have uncontrollableanger, will often break open on others and for them, angermanagement seem to have a gem of work to do.
Getting back to ones beliefs and principles is another angermanagement technique. In situations of anger, a consciousattempt to control the furious emotion by even a single canon inreligious principles, is appreciable a move. Practicingmeditations, taking a deep breathe, or even remembering aprevious experience when you where successful in angermanagement are some of the anger management techniques.Cocooning the concentration in a particular object or even ashadow can divert you from being angry.
So, anger management could be done, if given due attention. Inan era, where man achieves everything beyond his control andcapabilities, would it be ridiculous to say, the same man can'tcontrol something on which he has supreme command. Yes, even thesmile of a baby can appease the entire globe. Anger managementcan be attained with a little external help and this can come toyou in the form of hypnosis. Hypnosis for anger management canin fact prove to be the only effective tool in many individuals.This is because it treats the mind first. This is in fact anessential part of hypnosis treatment wherein the mind heals andunderstands reality in a more rationale manner. Your mind isable to reason and understand the real facts instead of justgetting angry when there is no need to. Hypnosis calms yournerves and enables you to be a good judge of any situation. Withsuch an approach you will no longer lose your nerves for smallor big reasons and will not be as tetchy and agitated in life.Your persona will undergo change and this will reflect in yournew found attitude.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=227544&ca=Self+Help
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Anger Management Needs To Be Given Importance
Anger management is nothing but controlling anger or learningthe techniques to avoid anger. Anger is something very common.It could be caused due to failure, depression, anxiety oranything that is related to a person’s psychologically. In thisstate of mind a person can take drastic steps and might ruin hisor her life. This is something that needs to be controlled andsurely you can get help from many sources as there are number ofanger management techniques that a person can choose from. Butit is all up to you to choose the right anger managementtechnique for your cause; after all you want something that willwork for you. But for you to go ahead with your anger managementit is very necessary for you to realize that you are affectedwith it and seriously require help for this. This is possibleonly if you are prepared to overcome it.
Anger is something that every one of us experiences, it is justabout handling it. Some of us keep our anger to us until itexplodes one fine day or some of us just try and release it onpeople that are close to us such as spouse, children or a friendor at times colleagues or office employees. However, you had nointention of hurting someone you dearly love. But it was yourfrustration and stress that forced you to burst. Anger can leadto many problems for a person where he or she might go on tomurder someone just because he or she was angry and could notmanage anger. Managing anger is a serious concern or you mightland up in trouble. Many relationships are broken in this stateof mind where he or she might loose his/her head and takedecisions that will cause nothing but problems for them.
Hypnosis is something that can help you deal with your anger asanger is something that is related to mental state of mind.Hypnosis makes your mind alert and teaches it the righttechnique of dealing with anger. Your mind is taught a new wayof handling situations, instead of getting angry you will seethat you are looking ahead to what can be done to avoid theproblem or to solve the matter. So instead of getting angry youare actually looking for ways to counter it. Hypnosis allowsyour mind to relax and calm down, it allows your mind to stayaway from the daily stress that could lead to temper. Hypnosisis something that can be practised easily. You have to just getthe mp3 downloaded from the net and this will guide you to selfhypnotizing techniques. This mp3 contents are available for avery low cost. Once you have used this you are able to followthe anger management techniques. Before spoiling your life gethelp for your temper. So if you want any help regarding angeryou can go ahead and download mp3 content. This will come to youas a boon.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=234335&ca=Self+Help
Anger is something that every one of us experiences, it is justabout handling it. Some of us keep our anger to us until itexplodes one fine day or some of us just try and release it onpeople that are close to us such as spouse, children or a friendor at times colleagues or office employees. However, you had nointention of hurting someone you dearly love. But it was yourfrustration and stress that forced you to burst. Anger can leadto many problems for a person where he or she might go on tomurder someone just because he or she was angry and could notmanage anger. Managing anger is a serious concern or you mightland up in trouble. Many relationships are broken in this stateof mind where he or she might loose his/her head and takedecisions that will cause nothing but problems for them.
Hypnosis is something that can help you deal with your anger asanger is something that is related to mental state of mind.Hypnosis makes your mind alert and teaches it the righttechnique of dealing with anger. Your mind is taught a new wayof handling situations, instead of getting angry you will seethat you are looking ahead to what can be done to avoid theproblem or to solve the matter. So instead of getting angry youare actually looking for ways to counter it. Hypnosis allowsyour mind to relax and calm down, it allows your mind to stayaway from the daily stress that could lead to temper. Hypnosisis something that can be practised easily. You have to just getthe mp3 downloaded from the net and this will guide you to selfhypnotizing techniques. This mp3 contents are available for avery low cost. Once you have used this you are able to followthe anger management techniques. Before spoiling your life gethelp for your temper. So if you want any help regarding angeryou can go ahead and download mp3 content. This will come to youas a boon.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=234335&ca=Self+Help
Are Anger Management Exercises Any Use To You?
Each of us has lost our temper at some time or the other, andnone of us fail to regret that anger, which seems uncontrollableat the time. Whether it’s a momentary loss of control or aintense, long-lasting surge of emotion, anger can be verydamaging – to relationships, at work and to yourself. It may notbe healthy to suppress it, but we can’t let it looseindiscriminately, either.
It is important to know how to handle anger. There are ways tocontrol, even channelize emotions, and in the case of anger,such methods are particularly well worth studying andimplementing. Here are some useful anger management exercises.
The most common method of easing anger is relaxation.Deliberately making yourself relax in a tense situation cansoothe rage and make things better. There are many relaxationtechniques, including deep breathing, repetition of a word ormantra, visualizing calming images, or slow exercise like yogaor tai-chi.
Another way is to replace angry thoughts with calm ones – thisis called cognitive restructuring and can be very useful inreducing anger. Try to be logical and aware that things can’t goyour way all the time.
When anger is because of specific circumstances, try to solvethe underlying problem, thus removing your reason for anger.Don’t give in to frustration though, if the solution is notreadily apparent, or non-existent – facing the situation coollywill calm you down, too.
Be careful about communication when you’re angry – think beforeyou speak, to avoid misunderstandings; and listen carefully tothe person you’re talking to without leaping to conclusions. Tryto hear what the person is really saying rather than gettingoffended by imagined slights.
Another anger management exercise is to train your mind toremember to maintain your sense of humor. It’s hard to be angryand amused at the same time, so look for the funny side ofthings – there’s usually one! This doesn’t mean you should laughoff problems; it’s just that humor gives perspective to the mostemotionally fraught situation and dissipates anger as nothingelse can.
Other anger management exercises include changing timings oryour surroundings to give ourselves a break from routinepressures, avoiding the situation till you are calmer, andfinding alternatives that will not cause anger.
Let’s look at some more anger management exercises. One methodof dealing with anger is to control it at three stages: beforeit happens (by understanding and preventing it throughrelaxation and other methods); during anger itself (bywithdrawing from the situation or looking at the lighter side ofit); and after anger (by making sure the anger is released anddissipated and by analyzing the reasons of your angercarefully). Sincere apology to those you may have hurt oroffended is an important component here.
Try this anger management exercise: ask yourself some questionswhich will help you understand and manage your anger. Does angersolve anything, really? Doesn’t it make situations worse? Whatis making you angry and how can you express it without hurtingother people? Is it possible for you to channelize your angerinto something productive?
When you are able to address these issues, you’ll find thestarting point of effective anger management.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=241945&ca=Self+Help
It is important to know how to handle anger. There are ways tocontrol, even channelize emotions, and in the case of anger,such methods are particularly well worth studying andimplementing. Here are some useful anger management exercises.
The most common method of easing anger is relaxation.Deliberately making yourself relax in a tense situation cansoothe rage and make things better. There are many relaxationtechniques, including deep breathing, repetition of a word ormantra, visualizing calming images, or slow exercise like yogaor tai-chi.
Another way is to replace angry thoughts with calm ones – thisis called cognitive restructuring and can be very useful inreducing anger. Try to be logical and aware that things can’t goyour way all the time.
When anger is because of specific circumstances, try to solvethe underlying problem, thus removing your reason for anger.Don’t give in to frustration though, if the solution is notreadily apparent, or non-existent – facing the situation coollywill calm you down, too.
Be careful about communication when you’re angry – think beforeyou speak, to avoid misunderstandings; and listen carefully tothe person you’re talking to without leaping to conclusions. Tryto hear what the person is really saying rather than gettingoffended by imagined slights.
Another anger management exercise is to train your mind toremember to maintain your sense of humor. It’s hard to be angryand amused at the same time, so look for the funny side ofthings – there’s usually one! This doesn’t mean you should laughoff problems; it’s just that humor gives perspective to the mostemotionally fraught situation and dissipates anger as nothingelse can.
Other anger management exercises include changing timings oryour surroundings to give ourselves a break from routinepressures, avoiding the situation till you are calmer, andfinding alternatives that will not cause anger.
Let’s look at some more anger management exercises. One methodof dealing with anger is to control it at three stages: beforeit happens (by understanding and preventing it throughrelaxation and other methods); during anger itself (bywithdrawing from the situation or looking at the lighter side ofit); and after anger (by making sure the anger is released anddissipated and by analyzing the reasons of your angercarefully). Sincere apology to those you may have hurt oroffended is an important component here.
Try this anger management exercise: ask yourself some questionswhich will help you understand and manage your anger. Does angersolve anything, really? Doesn’t it make situations worse? Whatis making you angry and how can you express it without hurtingother people? Is it possible for you to channelize your angerinto something productive?
When you are able to address these issues, you’ll find thestarting point of effective anger management.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=241945&ca=Self+Help
Dealing With Your Anger at Your Man
Let's talk about anger management. If you feel that anger deepdown in you, how do you deal with it? A lot of times you may sitand think about it. What I do to deal with my anger is to sitand think of ways on how to resolve it.
If we are angry at other people, we tend to lash at them rightthere and then, but when we are angry at people close to ourhearts we usually keep silent while thinking how to deal withthe situation. If you are angry at your husband, what do you do?You may talk endlessly without even thinking about the wordsthat come out of your mouth.
If you are used to doing that, you may probably realize by nowthat it didn't do you any good. No conflict was resolved and itprobably made matters worse. If you talk a lot when you'reangry, you tend to say things that you don't really mean, andyou end up hurting him more. Communication experts suggest thatin situations like this you communicate using the “I feel”sentences and not the “you did” sentences.
“I feel so angry” is an example of “I feel” sentences, and onthe other hand an example of a “you did” sentence is “You makeme angry.” See the difference?
So what do you then? Do you do nothing and keep it to yourself?You could find a way to deal with your anger through thefollowing thoughts:
1. Being angry is just a feeling.
You usually get angry when you feel pain. So treat anger as anemotion that you feel to help you deal with your pain. Inessence, anger an emotion that helps you feel better because youhave an avenue to express your feeling.
2. Your anger is yours and it does not belong to someone else,especially to the one that you are angry with.
Let's say that you're angry at your husband. You may think thatyou are angry with him, but the issue could be just because of amemory of your past relationships with men or even with yourparents.
But if you are really angry because of how your husband treatedyou and you got hurt, then don't tolerate it. Deal with it by:
3. Not just venting out your feelings but by sharing it.
You want to feel better, right? That's why you need to sharingyour feelings. Doing so would make you feel closer with yourhusband. You're respecting him enough by telling him about howyou feel instead of attacking him. It's okay to let himunderstand the gravity of your pain, but don't do it like youwould a confrontation.
These may be little ideas that are really simple. But it's thesimple things that grow. Rid yourself of those negative emotionsand you create for yourself more space for love and healing.
.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=300305&ca=Self+Help
If we are angry at other people, we tend to lash at them rightthere and then, but when we are angry at people close to ourhearts we usually keep silent while thinking how to deal withthe situation. If you are angry at your husband, what do you do?You may talk endlessly without even thinking about the wordsthat come out of your mouth.
If you are used to doing that, you may probably realize by nowthat it didn't do you any good. No conflict was resolved and itprobably made matters worse. If you talk a lot when you'reangry, you tend to say things that you don't really mean, andyou end up hurting him more. Communication experts suggest thatin situations like this you communicate using the “I feel”sentences and not the “you did” sentences.
“I feel so angry” is an example of “I feel” sentences, and onthe other hand an example of a “you did” sentence is “You makeme angry.” See the difference?
So what do you then? Do you do nothing and keep it to yourself?You could find a way to deal with your anger through thefollowing thoughts:
1. Being angry is just a feeling.
You usually get angry when you feel pain. So treat anger as anemotion that you feel to help you deal with your pain. Inessence, anger an emotion that helps you feel better because youhave an avenue to express your feeling.
2. Your anger is yours and it does not belong to someone else,especially to the one that you are angry with.
Let's say that you're angry at your husband. You may think thatyou are angry with him, but the issue could be just because of amemory of your past relationships with men or even with yourparents.
But if you are really angry because of how your husband treatedyou and you got hurt, then don't tolerate it. Deal with it by:
3. Not just venting out your feelings but by sharing it.
You want to feel better, right? That's why you need to sharingyour feelings. Doing so would make you feel closer with yourhusband. You're respecting him enough by telling him about howyou feel instead of attacking him. It's okay to let himunderstand the gravity of your pain, but don't do it like youwould a confrontation.
These may be little ideas that are really simple. But it's thesimple things that grow. Rid yourself of those negative emotionsand you create for yourself more space for love and healing.
.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=300305&ca=Self+Help
Energetic Healing of My Own Anger
In my years of doing Access Energy Transformation I have seenso many dramatic changes in my life of more ease in everything Ido, increased psychic abilities, greater charisma, personalpower that I had never believed that I had and a variety ofabilities that are too many to mention.
One part of my life was not progressing at the same way thatwas my resentments towards others. It seemed as much as I wascreating ease, joy and glory in my life an anger towards others,my past and worst, the people that I cared for the most wasalways working against my growth. It was one of those placesthat I could not resolve; therapy, inner exploration and thestandard access clearings seemed to not work. My resentments andmistrusts were always a monkey on my back that never fully wentaway.
My girlfriend who is very perceptive told me that there is adeep rage within me that I had yet to explore. She could feel itand it made her feel uncomfortable. I responded, “I’m not thatangry! Sure I have my resentments but that is not inner rage.Besides, I have gone into my childhood and I understood theabuses that occurred to me. I have come to peace with them.”
My girlfriend did not share my point of view. She was leavingfor two months to work in another country and asked that Iexplore those hidden places within me. Respectfully I began tolook into that process.
A friend gave me some good advice about anger, “Allow it, anddon’t judge it, experience it and it will go.” It was a goodstart but there was more that I needed.
A few days later is was listening to an Access CD by GaryDouglas on the topic of Anger. As usual Gary said something thatwas profoundly what I needed to hear. He said, “I would keeppushing into the barriers and open up my woundedness,experiencing the intensity that most would label as pain. Eachtime I did and allowed it to be I found within me a greaterpower and a bigger being.”
In an instant I knew that was what I needed to know. With thatnugget of knowledge I embarked on a fearless journey within me.I was beginning a nine-day spring break holiday and since mygirlfriend was gone I would have a lot of time to myself.
Whenever a resentment, anger or a heavy feeling would pop intomy mind I would stop and ask a question, “What is this about?”Then I would sit and wait. The energy of the anger would appearmuch like Gary described. I would feel the intensity of theexperience and most of the time the memories of the past wouldcome to mind. Instead of judging it I would feel it as fully aspossible and embrace the experience.
After a while I would ask, “Is there a deeper origin to thisanger and where is the source of that?” I would wait again.Generally a new intensity of energy would appear and afterwaiting I would get the information of what happened to createit. It appeared that my body wanted me to release this and wasdoing whatever it took to guide my awareness to it. When Ireleased the anger my body always felt better, more vibrant. Theolder suppressed anger was generally more intense but I used thesame strategy of allowing it to be. Then after I perceived thatI had experienced all of it I would begin doing Access clearingson the repressed energetic experiences.
After I did the clearings I would experience a huge releasethat felt great. In a few days I found that suddenly I washaving hardly any resentments. I also found that my mistrustingfeelings towards others were diminishing as well. I was justhappy and content. What I discovered that almost all of myday-to-day frustrations had an origin from the past and reallyhad little to do with my present day challenges. It felt likenothing really bothered me anymore or for least very long.
It was amazing experiencing my traumas that I had feared all ofmy life. I had created so many internal messages to avoid fromthese ‘bad’ memories and repressed them even more. What I hadlearned is that these memories became an energetic implant thatmanipulated me to draw in more fears, dramas and anger as a wayto reenenergize the older pain. When they cleared it felt like aremoving the bottom blocks of a pyramid my limitations werecrashing down all around me.
Within a few days my body was feeling completely different. Itwas light like an inner space had opened. When I did meditationsor communing with nature it felt as if I was truly a part of theforest or the universe it self. A cosmos was happening withinme, I began to know what the god source within was like for me. The suppressed angers were like energetic boulders that cut offmy receiving to this infinite reality and probably much more.Now I can access this expanded self any time I choose to be it.
As I work with others using these tools I see radically dynamicresults. Access had always worked in big ways but clearing thesuppressed anger got to the core of so many issues with people. They happily reported stories of how much happier and expandedtheir lives were. I delighted in their accomplishments.
Interestingly my business immediately picked up to a new level.Suddenly people began to come to see me out of nowhere. The biginner space of me was pulling them in. My life has been growingin a wonderful way with less effort, with more joy andabundance.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=305487&ca=Self+Help
One part of my life was not progressing at the same way thatwas my resentments towards others. It seemed as much as I wascreating ease, joy and glory in my life an anger towards others,my past and worst, the people that I cared for the most wasalways working against my growth. It was one of those placesthat I could not resolve; therapy, inner exploration and thestandard access clearings seemed to not work. My resentments andmistrusts were always a monkey on my back that never fully wentaway.
My girlfriend who is very perceptive told me that there is adeep rage within me that I had yet to explore. She could feel itand it made her feel uncomfortable. I responded, “I’m not thatangry! Sure I have my resentments but that is not inner rage.Besides, I have gone into my childhood and I understood theabuses that occurred to me. I have come to peace with them.”
My girlfriend did not share my point of view. She was leavingfor two months to work in another country and asked that Iexplore those hidden places within me. Respectfully I began tolook into that process.
A friend gave me some good advice about anger, “Allow it, anddon’t judge it, experience it and it will go.” It was a goodstart but there was more that I needed.
A few days later is was listening to an Access CD by GaryDouglas on the topic of Anger. As usual Gary said something thatwas profoundly what I needed to hear. He said, “I would keeppushing into the barriers and open up my woundedness,experiencing the intensity that most would label as pain. Eachtime I did and allowed it to be I found within me a greaterpower and a bigger being.”
In an instant I knew that was what I needed to know. With thatnugget of knowledge I embarked on a fearless journey within me.I was beginning a nine-day spring break holiday and since mygirlfriend was gone I would have a lot of time to myself.
Whenever a resentment, anger or a heavy feeling would pop intomy mind I would stop and ask a question, “What is this about?”Then I would sit and wait. The energy of the anger would appearmuch like Gary described. I would feel the intensity of theexperience and most of the time the memories of the past wouldcome to mind. Instead of judging it I would feel it as fully aspossible and embrace the experience.
After a while I would ask, “Is there a deeper origin to thisanger and where is the source of that?” I would wait again.Generally a new intensity of energy would appear and afterwaiting I would get the information of what happened to createit. It appeared that my body wanted me to release this and wasdoing whatever it took to guide my awareness to it. When Ireleased the anger my body always felt better, more vibrant. Theolder suppressed anger was generally more intense but I used thesame strategy of allowing it to be. Then after I perceived thatI had experienced all of it I would begin doing Access clearingson the repressed energetic experiences.
After I did the clearings I would experience a huge releasethat felt great. In a few days I found that suddenly I washaving hardly any resentments. I also found that my mistrustingfeelings towards others were diminishing as well. I was justhappy and content. What I discovered that almost all of myday-to-day frustrations had an origin from the past and reallyhad little to do with my present day challenges. It felt likenothing really bothered me anymore or for least very long.
It was amazing experiencing my traumas that I had feared all ofmy life. I had created so many internal messages to avoid fromthese ‘bad’ memories and repressed them even more. What I hadlearned is that these memories became an energetic implant thatmanipulated me to draw in more fears, dramas and anger as a wayto reenenergize the older pain. When they cleared it felt like aremoving the bottom blocks of a pyramid my limitations werecrashing down all around me.
Within a few days my body was feeling completely different. Itwas light like an inner space had opened. When I did meditationsor communing with nature it felt as if I was truly a part of theforest or the universe it self. A cosmos was happening withinme, I began to know what the god source within was like for me. The suppressed angers were like energetic boulders that cut offmy receiving to this infinite reality and probably much more.Now I can access this expanded self any time I choose to be it.
As I work with others using these tools I see radically dynamicresults. Access had always worked in big ways but clearing thesuppressed anger got to the core of so many issues with people. They happily reported stories of how much happier and expandedtheir lives were. I delighted in their accomplishments.
Interestingly my business immediately picked up to a new level.Suddenly people began to come to see me out of nowhere. The biginner space of me was pulling them in. My life has been growingin a wonderful way with less effort, with more joy andabundance.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=305487&ca=Self+Help
Anger in Children: When is it a Problem?
Anger is a normal emotion that every happy healthy adult andchild has to deal with from time to time. When does expressinganger become a problem? Children go through different stageswith their age that affect the way they deal with anger. Angeris usually not a root emotion, but a term that may coverfeelings ranging from embarrassment, frustration, loneliness toguilt. A newborn baby expresses their "anger" or frustrationover being hungry, tired or uncomfortable by screaming andcrying. A two-year-old may throw tantrums that include rollingaround on the floor or trying to hit the parent, sibling or eventheir pet. As a child gets older, hopefully proper responses toanger have been modeled for them and they can learn to expresstheir anger more appropriately.
Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressivebehavior, gets out of control and when the root cause of theproblem isn't being dealt with. For instance, often childrenwith undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angryoutbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they arestruggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing inon them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren't tryinghard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn't able todeal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidentsthat would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoidfeeling "stupid" or incapable. Once the problem is discoveredand the child gets the help, support and proper discipline thatis needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappearaltogether.
It is important that children learn how to express theiremotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child shouldnever be told that their feelings are wrong, though they mayneed reminding if their behavior is wrong. For instance youmight say, "Johnny, I understand that you are angry about yourbrother breaking your toy, that wasn't fair, but it is not okayto hit when you are angry." The child needs to know that hisfeelings are validated and should also be given some ideas abouthow to handle the situation better the next time they are in asimilar position.
Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, includingchildren. Good communication and modeling good behavior are twoof the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger.Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she doesanything that is positive can also help them understand what itexpected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the timeto check yourself to see if you spend too much time beingnegative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If theparents in the home aren't dealing with anger appropriately,they can't expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you arewrong and apologize to your child, teaching them to do the same.If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, itmay be time to get some additional help and guidance.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=334230&ca=Parenting
Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressivebehavior, gets out of control and when the root cause of theproblem isn't being dealt with. For instance, often childrenwith undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angryoutbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they arestruggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing inon them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren't tryinghard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn't able todeal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidentsthat would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoidfeeling "stupid" or incapable. Once the problem is discoveredand the child gets the help, support and proper discipline thatis needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappearaltogether.
It is important that children learn how to express theiremotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child shouldnever be told that their feelings are wrong, though they mayneed reminding if their behavior is wrong. For instance youmight say, "Johnny, I understand that you are angry about yourbrother breaking your toy, that wasn't fair, but it is not okayto hit when you are angry." The child needs to know that hisfeelings are validated and should also be given some ideas abouthow to handle the situation better the next time they are in asimilar position.
Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, includingchildren. Good communication and modeling good behavior are twoof the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger.Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she doesanything that is positive can also help them understand what itexpected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the timeto check yourself to see if you spend too much time beingnegative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If theparents in the home aren't dealing with anger appropriately,they can't expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you arewrong and apologize to your child, teaching them to do the same.If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, itmay be time to get some additional help and guidance.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=334230&ca=Parenting
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run
The Triggers Of Anger
Triggers are what interrupts emotions and causes us to become
angry. When we learn our triggers, we are taking a step in the
right direction to control our emotions. First, we need to weed
through the roots of anger to determine the problem. If you have
obsessive anger, outbursts you might want to get a physical to
eliminate chemical or physical roots of your anger.
Next, you will go to a mental health expert to eliminate mental
illnesses that are often the root of anger. After you have done
step one and two and the problem does not lie between mental
illness and physical then you will need to attend anger
management classes. Obviously, you have no control over your
emotions; therefore, you will need to learn techniques that help
you to cope better with your fears, frustrations, anxiety,
depression and emotions. This will help you to move ahead in
life and gain control of your anger.
You might want to ask your self what you are afraid of or what
are the triggers of your anger? You might review the thoughts
carefully to see if you anger is justifiable. Are you afraid to
speak up and protect your rights? Is there something in your
past that leads you to worry obsessively and enforce your anger?
Maybe you were a victim of some incident in your past or you
witnessed something that disturbed your conscious and you
rambled through life without dealing with the stressor.
Regardless, you are affected somehow and your emotions are not
cooperating with your thoughts. Some of us fret over things that
are out of our control. For example, many of worry about growing
old or dying, which is not in our hands to worry about? We all
are growing older each day and it is a part of life that is out
of our control. Likewise, we are all at risk of dying. It is how
you deal with that makes or breaks your success. Accepting that
you are growing old is the first step to eliminating worry that
leads to anger.
Take the fear and reverse by telling your self that age is a
factor of life that we all must face, yet I have some control.
If I exercise, eat right, and take care of my skin then I may
not look in the mirror when I am sixty and see an extremely
wrinkled face and sagging skin. Likewise, if you know that you
are dying and cannot do nothing about it, remember the more you
take care of your mind and body the longer you will live.
Some of us worry about tomorrow and how we will manage to
survive the next day. If you worry about tomorrow, you are
missing what today can bring. No one has control of tomorrow and
to worry about something that is out of our hands is wasting
time and energy. If you have problems with worry, you might want
to remember that today is another day and thank the Lord that
you are breathing.
Worry is a form of selfishness, since you are anticipating a
problem that may or may not occur. Some of us fear that we will
go insane if our problems continue to escalate. This fear is not
justifiable because you cannot predict your mind. Your mind may
feel at wits ends, but you have control to handle your emotions
if you reach inside your self and face your fears. Now we can
review triggers by seeing that unjust and justifiable triggers
are linked to emotions, which causes anger.
We might find that we are responsible for our emotions and
failed to take charge of them, allowing them to rule our lives.
We might even find a source in the past that invoked our
emotions and promoted an undeveloped mind. When you find your
triggers and review your problems, you are taking charge of your
anger and your life will prove fruitful for your efforts.
Triggers are objects, words, pictures, sound, taste, smell and
when a person is triggered to anger, they often react either
positively or negatively to the source.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=78398&ca=Self+Help
Do You Need Anger Management?
Anger management is not just for crazed maniacs or disgruntled
executives. Learning how to manage minor and major irritations
is something everyone needs to do. You may want to start by
obtaining general anger management information and progress to
enrolling in an anger management class. But first you need to
recognize classic symptoms of uncontrolled rage that will alert
you to the need for anger management.
Everyone loses their temper at times. There is no shame
attached to getting upset when the dog has an accident on a
freshly scrubbed carpet or a subordinate fails to complete a
needed report for your one p.m. meeting. But if you find that
you react in extreme ways, it may be time to consider anger
management.
Anger Management - When Anger Turns to Danger
Do you raise your voice when things don’t go your way? Some
people who are normally mild-mannered turn into yellers or
screamers during a conflict. It can happen suddenly, where one
moment you are self-controlled and soft-spoken, but the next
finds your voice several octaves higher and many decibels
louder. Your vocal tone and pitch, along with the words that
come out of your mouth provide key indicators of whether you are
a prime candidate for anger management.
Another symptom category to keep in mind when monitoring your
mood is body language. Your fists may clench, your jaws tighten,
and your muscles become tense as your ire begins to build. The
next time this happens at home, head for the nearest mirror and
study your profile. You may see things like bulging eyes, a
frowning face, and a frozen posture. Conversely, serpent-like
eyes and a frozen expression, coupled with a pale complexion,
may suggest the need for anger management assistance.
Looking beyond the physical, it is also a good idea to seek
others’ opinions about whether your temperament might benefit
from anger management training. Some may suggest anger
management exercises you can do on your own at home, perhaps
while engaged in meditation. Others might advocate anger
management counseling with a licensed, professional therapist,
or anger management classes that you can work into your
schedule.
You also may want to consider the consequences of any potential
anger management problems you might have. For example, have you
ever been written up at work for a problem stemming from your
failure to practice anger management? Has your anger impacted a
serious relationship in a negative way, whether it is with a
spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or romantic interest?
Has a family member or friend suggested that you need the help
of anger management?
Anger is a healthy emotion that enables us to express
dissatisfaction or disappointment with something in our lives.
But when it becomes out of control, this personal irritation
needs to be trained to remain behind wholesome boundaries.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=28271&ca=Self+Help
executives. Learning how to manage minor and major irritations
is something everyone needs to do. You may want to start by
obtaining general anger management information and progress to
enrolling in an anger management class. But first you need to
recognize classic symptoms of uncontrolled rage that will alert
you to the need for anger management.
Everyone loses their temper at times. There is no shame
attached to getting upset when the dog has an accident on a
freshly scrubbed carpet or a subordinate fails to complete a
needed report for your one p.m. meeting. But if you find that
you react in extreme ways, it may be time to consider anger
management.
Anger Management - When Anger Turns to Danger
Do you raise your voice when things don’t go your way? Some
people who are normally mild-mannered turn into yellers or
screamers during a conflict. It can happen suddenly, where one
moment you are self-controlled and soft-spoken, but the next
finds your voice several octaves higher and many decibels
louder. Your vocal tone and pitch, along with the words that
come out of your mouth provide key indicators of whether you are
a prime candidate for anger management.
Another symptom category to keep in mind when monitoring your
mood is body language. Your fists may clench, your jaws tighten,
and your muscles become tense as your ire begins to build. The
next time this happens at home, head for the nearest mirror and
study your profile. You may see things like bulging eyes, a
frowning face, and a frozen posture. Conversely, serpent-like
eyes and a frozen expression, coupled with a pale complexion,
may suggest the need for anger management assistance.
Looking beyond the physical, it is also a good idea to seek
others’ opinions about whether your temperament might benefit
from anger management training. Some may suggest anger
management exercises you can do on your own at home, perhaps
while engaged in meditation. Others might advocate anger
management counseling with a licensed, professional therapist,
or anger management classes that you can work into your
schedule.
You also may want to consider the consequences of any potential
anger management problems you might have. For example, have you
ever been written up at work for a problem stemming from your
failure to practice anger management? Has your anger impacted a
serious relationship in a negative way, whether it is with a
spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or romantic interest?
Has a family member or friend suggested that you need the help
of anger management?
Anger is a healthy emotion that enables us to express
dissatisfaction or disappointment with something in our lives.
But when it becomes out of control, this personal irritation
needs to be trained to remain behind wholesome boundaries.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=28271&ca=Self+Help
When Anger Costs Too Much
Men are like steel: when they lose their temper, they lose
their worth.
Chuck Norris
Anger makes dull men witty, and it keeps them poor.
Attributed to Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603)
Anger, Rage and violence be distruptive to any work enviroment.
Agression in the work place not only effective the chemistry of
your company it can effect the bottomline.
Kenneth is a Vice President at a major music record company
here in Los Angeles. He makes over $100, 000 a year and has
worked with some of today’s top R&B and Rap artists. Kenneth was
raised in New York City and developed a unique style in dealing
with conflict.
The record label’s human resource division made special
arrangements for Kenneth to receive private Executive Anger
Management coaching. You see, it would appear that Kenneth was
involved in a conflict with another employee in his office.
Accompanied by his driver/bodyguard, Kenneth reluctantly entered
my office. He was obviously in no mood to participate in twelve
sessions of Anger Management education.
As the hours progressed he slowly began to open up. He admitted
that he had threatened the life of an entry- level employee in
the building. According to Kenneth this employee blatantly stole
some items out of his office.
Where Kenneth came from, it was only natural for him to respond
to a threat with a threat. It was a matter of respect of course,
but Kenneth failed to realize that he was no longer on the
streets of New York City. He had entered the corporate world of
worker’s comp claims, administrative leaves and lawsuits.
Consequently, Kenneth was suspended with out pay from his job
and forced to take Anger Management classes. Towards the end of
the class Kenneth was fully aware that he had to change the way
he dealt with his anger. His current way just cost too much.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=31066&ca=Short+Stories
their worth.
Chuck Norris
Anger makes dull men witty, and it keeps them poor.
Attributed to Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603)
Anger, Rage and violence be distruptive to any work enviroment.
Agression in the work place not only effective the chemistry of
your company it can effect the bottomline.
Kenneth is a Vice President at a major music record company
here in Los Angeles. He makes over $100, 000 a year and has
worked with some of today’s top R&B and Rap artists. Kenneth was
raised in New York City and developed a unique style in dealing
with conflict.
The record label’s human resource division made special
arrangements for Kenneth to receive private Executive Anger
Management coaching. You see, it would appear that Kenneth was
involved in a conflict with another employee in his office.
Accompanied by his driver/bodyguard, Kenneth reluctantly entered
my office. He was obviously in no mood to participate in twelve
sessions of Anger Management education.
As the hours progressed he slowly began to open up. He admitted
that he had threatened the life of an entry- level employee in
the building. According to Kenneth this employee blatantly stole
some items out of his office.
Where Kenneth came from, it was only natural for him to respond
to a threat with a threat. It was a matter of respect of course,
but Kenneth failed to realize that he was no longer on the
streets of New York City. He had entered the corporate world of
worker’s comp claims, administrative leaves and lawsuits.
Consequently, Kenneth was suspended with out pay from his job
and forced to take Anger Management classes. Towards the end of
the class Kenneth was fully aware that he had to change the way
he dealt with his anger. His current way just cost too much.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=31066&ca=Short+Stories
Let Your Anger Work For You
German theologian Martin Luther once said, “I never work better
than when I am inspired by anger; when I am angry, I can write,
pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is
quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations
and temptations depart.”
Anger is powerful stuff, all right!
Think about the last time you got really angry about something.
Didn’t you feel an unequalled strength within yourself?
Weren’t you filled with fire and passion and ready to take
action?
While anger is often used in a destructive way, you can also
learn to use anger to motivate yourself to higher and higher
achievements.
How do you do this? First, you obviously need to get angry
about the right things, and then you need to direct that anger
in the right direction.
Look at your life the way it is right now. Are you satisfied
with your career path, your financial situation, the state of
your relationships, and the state of your health? If not, get
mad about it! Let yourself get angry about your bad habits,
your tendency to procrastinate, and the many missed
opportunities your behavior has caused. Get mad about your
inability to get and stay motivated long enough to make positive
changes. Get mad about ignoring the problem until it became a
chronic condition!
As Martin Luther described above, let your anger clear all
confusion and mundane thoughts from your mind. Let it focus
your thoughts to a laser point, and then turn that point onto
any situation in your life that displeases you.
Use your anger to propel you into action. Decide that you’re
“mad as hell” and you’re not going to take it any longer! Let
your anger serve as a fire under your rear end to propel you
into doing that which must be done to change your life once and
for all.
Go on a rampage and clear out your bad habits. Eliminate your
unproductive tendencies and replace them with empowering ones.
Evaluate every aspect of your life carefully, and be willing to
let go of anything that isn’t working for you.
If done correctly, this works like a charm.
Once you can reach a point of intolerance about your existing
circumstances, you will find yourself feeling really angry, and
really ready to make changes. THAT is the moment when you hold
a powerful force for change right in the palm of your hand.
Just remember to get angry about the situations and habits that
detract from who you want to be, and be sure to direct your
anger in constructive ways.
You may not be able to change everything overnight, but you can
at least take the first steps today and then keep up with the
process over time. You’ll also probably have to keep rekindling
your anger from time to time because it tends to be short lived,
but this is a good thing because it allows you to use it in a
very precise and focused way.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=232820&ca=Self+Help
than when I am inspired by anger; when I am angry, I can write,
pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is
quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations
and temptations depart.”
Anger is powerful stuff, all right!
Think about the last time you got really angry about something.
Didn’t you feel an unequalled strength within yourself?
Weren’t you filled with fire and passion and ready to take
action?
While anger is often used in a destructive way, you can also
learn to use anger to motivate yourself to higher and higher
achievements.
How do you do this? First, you obviously need to get angry
about the right things, and then you need to direct that anger
in the right direction.
Look at your life the way it is right now. Are you satisfied
with your career path, your financial situation, the state of
your relationships, and the state of your health? If not, get
mad about it! Let yourself get angry about your bad habits,
your tendency to procrastinate, and the many missed
opportunities your behavior has caused. Get mad about your
inability to get and stay motivated long enough to make positive
changes. Get mad about ignoring the problem until it became a
chronic condition!
As Martin Luther described above, let your anger clear all
confusion and mundane thoughts from your mind. Let it focus
your thoughts to a laser point, and then turn that point onto
any situation in your life that displeases you.
Use your anger to propel you into action. Decide that you’re
“mad as hell” and you’re not going to take it any longer! Let
your anger serve as a fire under your rear end to propel you
into doing that which must be done to change your life once and
for all.
Go on a rampage and clear out your bad habits. Eliminate your
unproductive tendencies and replace them with empowering ones.
Evaluate every aspect of your life carefully, and be willing to
let go of anything that isn’t working for you.
If done correctly, this works like a charm.
Once you can reach a point of intolerance about your existing
circumstances, you will find yourself feeling really angry, and
really ready to make changes. THAT is the moment when you hold
a powerful force for change right in the palm of your hand.
Just remember to get angry about the situations and habits that
detract from who you want to be, and be sure to direct your
anger in constructive ways.
You may not be able to change everything overnight, but you can
at least take the first steps today and then keep up with the
process over time. You’ll also probably have to keep rekindling
your anger from time to time because it tends to be short lived,
but this is a good thing because it allows you to use it in a
very precise and focused way.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=232820&ca=Self+Help
How Anger Management Classes Can Help Yo
Has someone suggested that you need anger management classes?
The comment may have irritated or worried you, but it is likely
the friend or relative has your best interests in mind and wants
to spare you grief from unrestrained anger outbursts. Enrolling
in anger management classes is no disgrace. In fact, it may be
the best thing you could do for yourself. Consider some of the
benefits of anger management classes.
Advantages of Anger Management Classes
There are many good reasons to sign up for anger management
classes in your area. Find out if any are currently offered and
contact the organization for details. If none are available,
contact a local social service agency or support group location,
like a hospital or church, to suggest that anger management
classes be offered. Here are some of the most obvious and useful
types of support you may be able to receive:
1. Anger management activities. A competent therapist will
teach you a variety of strategies for incorporating anger
management into your lifestyle. Rather than letting irritations
build into irrational rages, you can learn to practice several
types of anger management control that will help you ward off
overpowering emotions that threaten to destroy your well being
by taking specific steps before your anger grows to dangerous
heights.
2. Anger management groups. Your therapist, counselor,
instructor, or group leader may organize participants in the
anger management classes into small groups. In this arrangement,
you can exchange information about the sources of your anger,
your particular triggers, and your strategies to date for coping
with this overwhelming emotion and the fallout from anger
overuse. Learning to interact with others who are struggling
with this emotionally debilitating condition, you will come to
recognize and appreciate common routes to anger management that
are used by many people.
3. Anger management training. Upon enrolling in anger
management classes, you will begin to learn more about both the
good and the bad emotional uses for anger. You will begin to
identify triggers for your emotions, and learn how to redirect
inappropriate anger toward suitable targets. Anger management
strategies, along with anger management exercises, will be
explained so that you can begin using these in your daily
schedule. As you begin to benefit from the results of this
training, you will probably wish your anger management classes
would last longer.
4. Anger management treatment. A trained facilitator who has
completed a certain number of volunteer hours involving
educational preparation may conduct anger management classes. Or
a licensed social worker, therapist, psychologist, or counselor
may coordinate your anger management classes. You may want to
check the credentials of your class leader to be sure that he or
she has the experience and the qualifications to steer you in
the right direction.
While anger management classes can provide plenty of help in
addressing this important part of your personality and
character, you may find it helpful to look at additional sources
of information, including websites like
anger-management-information.com, which offers assistance in
several related areas.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=28421&ca=Self+Help
The comment may have irritated or worried you, but it is likely
the friend or relative has your best interests in mind and wants
to spare you grief from unrestrained anger outbursts. Enrolling
in anger management classes is no disgrace. In fact, it may be
the best thing you could do for yourself. Consider some of the
benefits of anger management classes.
Advantages of Anger Management Classes
There are many good reasons to sign up for anger management
classes in your area. Find out if any are currently offered and
contact the organization for details. If none are available,
contact a local social service agency or support group location,
like a hospital or church, to suggest that anger management
classes be offered. Here are some of the most obvious and useful
types of support you may be able to receive:
1. Anger management activities. A competent therapist will
teach you a variety of strategies for incorporating anger
management into your lifestyle. Rather than letting irritations
build into irrational rages, you can learn to practice several
types of anger management control that will help you ward off
overpowering emotions that threaten to destroy your well being
by taking specific steps before your anger grows to dangerous
heights.
2. Anger management groups. Your therapist, counselor,
instructor, or group leader may organize participants in the
anger management classes into small groups. In this arrangement,
you can exchange information about the sources of your anger,
your particular triggers, and your strategies to date for coping
with this overwhelming emotion and the fallout from anger
overuse. Learning to interact with others who are struggling
with this emotionally debilitating condition, you will come to
recognize and appreciate common routes to anger management that
are used by many people.
3. Anger management training. Upon enrolling in anger
management classes, you will begin to learn more about both the
good and the bad emotional uses for anger. You will begin to
identify triggers for your emotions, and learn how to redirect
inappropriate anger toward suitable targets. Anger management
strategies, along with anger management exercises, will be
explained so that you can begin using these in your daily
schedule. As you begin to benefit from the results of this
training, you will probably wish your anger management classes
would last longer.
4. Anger management treatment. A trained facilitator who has
completed a certain number of volunteer hours involving
educational preparation may conduct anger management classes. Or
a licensed social worker, therapist, psychologist, or counselor
may coordinate your anger management classes. You may want to
check the credentials of your class leader to be sure that he or
she has the experience and the qualifications to steer you in
the right direction.
While anger management classes can provide plenty of help in
addressing this important part of your personality and
character, you may find it helpful to look at additional sources
of information, including websites like
anger-management-information.com, which offers assistance in
several related areas.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=28421&ca=Self+Help
Are You Addicted To Anger?
Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control.
His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as
well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into
violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt.
Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become
enraged, so the threat was always there.
Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in
charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his
siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While
some part of Michael didn’t want to be like his parents, this
was all he knew.
As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his
wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t
get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.
“Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful
feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?”
I asked.
“I don’t know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the
anger.”
“What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your
parents were angry and violent with you?”
“I guess I felt pretty much alone.”
“You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also
helpless over what was happening.”
“Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and
helpless. It was so scary. I couldn’t wait to get bigger so I
wouldn’t feel so helpless.”
“What triggers that helpless feeling now?”
“Humm…I guess it’s when my wife and kids don’t do what I want
them to do or what I think they should do.”
“So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them,
which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you
avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them
with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?”
“I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel
helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It’s an awful feeling.
“Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless over your
parents brutality, and you were also helpless over yourself in
many ways. You couldn’t just leave and go live with someone
else. You couldn’t walk away without further punishment.
However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you
are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a
situation that doesn’t feel good, or you can speak up for
yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family.
You didn’t have any of these options as a child. But unless you
accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control
them, and anger is the way you’ve learned to do it. Anger is
your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect
against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be
angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what
they choose to do and who they choose to be.”
Helplessness over others is a very hard feeling to accept. For
many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as
infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would
die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt
helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over
others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling
can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to
avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer
helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness
over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major
way many people have learned to attempt to control.
It took Michael time to learn how to take care of himself - how
to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore
them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving
care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more
accepting of other’s feelings and needs. As a result of
accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage
his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually
diminished.
In the course of working with me, Michael learned to access a
personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so
alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael
found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he
was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could
manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far
more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=18024&ca=Self+Help
His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as
well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into
violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt.
Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become
enraged, so the threat was always there.
Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in
charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his
siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While
some part of Michael didn’t want to be like his parents, this
was all he knew.
As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his
wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t
get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.
“Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful
feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?”
I asked.
“I don’t know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the
anger.”
“What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your
parents were angry and violent with you?”
“I guess I felt pretty much alone.”
“You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also
helpless over what was happening.”
“Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and
helpless. It was so scary. I couldn’t wait to get bigger so I
wouldn’t feel so helpless.”
“What triggers that helpless feeling now?”
“Humm…I guess it’s when my wife and kids don’t do what I want
them to do or what I think they should do.”
“So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them,
which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you
avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them
with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?”
“I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel
helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It’s an awful feeling.
“Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless over your
parents brutality, and you were also helpless over yourself in
many ways. You couldn’t just leave and go live with someone
else. You couldn’t walk away without further punishment.
However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you
are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a
situation that doesn’t feel good, or you can speak up for
yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family.
You didn’t have any of these options as a child. But unless you
accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control
them, and anger is the way you’ve learned to do it. Anger is
your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect
against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be
angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what
they choose to do and who they choose to be.”
Helplessness over others is a very hard feeling to accept. For
many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as
infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would
die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt
helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over
others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling
can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to
avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer
helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness
over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major
way many people have learned to attempt to control.
It took Michael time to learn how to take care of himself - how
to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore
them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving
care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more
accepting of other’s feelings and needs. As a result of
accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage
his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually
diminished.
In the course of working with me, Michael learned to access a
personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so
alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael
found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he
was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could
manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far
more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=18024&ca=Self+Help
Anger And Rejections
Rejections are normal and we all are told no on many occasions.
Some persons have difficulty handling rejections and may react
hastily to the other person involved. If you walk in a bank and
apply for a loan and are rejected you might stomp out the door
shouting obscene talk to the lenders. This is not an appropriate
way to handle the situation.
This in fact can get you in trouble and it is obvious that
rejections are triggers to your emotions that enforce your
anger. Now that you see this is a trigger you will need to learn
how to cope with your anger and emotions. We can start with the
technique to work through your anger by reducing your stress. If
you are a spontaneous person then you will need to learn how to
cut back on stressors. If you feel pressured in the morning
before going to work, try picking out the clothes you will wear
for that day the following evening.
This will provide you an extra few minutes during the morning
to prepare for work. If you are running like a mad person to
meet classes, then you might want to set up a schedule for your
self that includes time management. This can help you learn to
prepare ahead and stay on top of things without rushing. Instead
of roaming thoughts through your head about what you, need to do
each day, try handling one task at a time.
This works wonders once you practice and continue with your
strategy. When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths
before you speak. You may also want to practice exercising since
this burns energy and often reduces your chances of exploding
when your emotions are threatened. If you cannot handle
rejections, coach your mind to believe that the person is not
centering you out. Repeat over in your mind that no is a
positive in many cases.
For example, if you are married, you enjoy going to the bar to
chat with your friends, and your husband does not want you to
go, and then think why he said no? Obviously, your husband cares
about you since he knows that danger is potentially high at
bars. He does not want you to get hurt therefore, he is saying
no in your best interest. If the bank turns you down on a loan
there is a legit reason. Maybe your credit report needs some
repairing, or maybe they felt you income would not cover the
loan amount.
Therefore, you best interest was at heart again. We all hear no
throughout our lifetime and most times, it is for the best
reasons. If you apply for a job and are turned down, it might be
in your best interest, since the employers felt that your skills
were not on the level that the job required of you.
Alternatively, you may be over qualified for the job and when
you are rejected, the employers are merely saying we do not have
the cash to pay you for what you are worth. Thinking positive is
always great for managing anger.
If you are prompt to explode when your emotions are interrupted
then it is difficulty to manage your life. If you are angry most
likely, all areas of your life seem like an uphill travel. When
you gain control this often benefits everyone, including your
self. Your life starts to improve and your mind is thanking you
for removing stress from its cavity. If you are prone to beat
your self up when rejections come your way, you might want to
find a positive side of your being and enforce it in your mind
repeatedly.
Practice makes perfect and this is a great way to train your
mind so that you gain control of your mind and anger. If you are
frustrated easily, it is probably because you do not take time
out of a day for your self to relax. There is nothing wrong with
relaxing. Therefore you can sit down for 30 minutes each day and
yoga or think of nothing at all. Finally, we are closing so I
wanted to let you know that once you practice the strategies for
dealing with anger, pat your self on the back each time you make
effort and achieve.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=70305&ca=Self+Help
Some persons have difficulty handling rejections and may react
hastily to the other person involved. If you walk in a bank and
apply for a loan and are rejected you might stomp out the door
shouting obscene talk to the lenders. This is not an appropriate
way to handle the situation.
This in fact can get you in trouble and it is obvious that
rejections are triggers to your emotions that enforce your
anger. Now that you see this is a trigger you will need to learn
how to cope with your anger and emotions. We can start with the
technique to work through your anger by reducing your stress. If
you are a spontaneous person then you will need to learn how to
cut back on stressors. If you feel pressured in the morning
before going to work, try picking out the clothes you will wear
for that day the following evening.
This will provide you an extra few minutes during the morning
to prepare for work. If you are running like a mad person to
meet classes, then you might want to set up a schedule for your
self that includes time management. This can help you learn to
prepare ahead and stay on top of things without rushing. Instead
of roaming thoughts through your head about what you, need to do
each day, try handling one task at a time.
This works wonders once you practice and continue with your
strategy. When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths
before you speak. You may also want to practice exercising since
this burns energy and often reduces your chances of exploding
when your emotions are threatened. If you cannot handle
rejections, coach your mind to believe that the person is not
centering you out. Repeat over in your mind that no is a
positive in many cases.
For example, if you are married, you enjoy going to the bar to
chat with your friends, and your husband does not want you to
go, and then think why he said no? Obviously, your husband cares
about you since he knows that danger is potentially high at
bars. He does not want you to get hurt therefore, he is saying
no in your best interest. If the bank turns you down on a loan
there is a legit reason. Maybe your credit report needs some
repairing, or maybe they felt you income would not cover the
loan amount.
Therefore, you best interest was at heart again. We all hear no
throughout our lifetime and most times, it is for the best
reasons. If you apply for a job and are turned down, it might be
in your best interest, since the employers felt that your skills
were not on the level that the job required of you.
Alternatively, you may be over qualified for the job and when
you are rejected, the employers are merely saying we do not have
the cash to pay you for what you are worth. Thinking positive is
always great for managing anger.
If you are prompt to explode when your emotions are interrupted
then it is difficulty to manage your life. If you are angry most
likely, all areas of your life seem like an uphill travel. When
you gain control this often benefits everyone, including your
self. Your life starts to improve and your mind is thanking you
for removing stress from its cavity. If you are prone to beat
your self up when rejections come your way, you might want to
find a positive side of your being and enforce it in your mind
repeatedly.
Practice makes perfect and this is a great way to train your
mind so that you gain control of your mind and anger. If you are
frustrated easily, it is probably because you do not take time
out of a day for your self to relax. There is nothing wrong with
relaxing. Therefore you can sit down for 30 minutes each day and
yoga or think of nothing at all. Finally, we are closing so I
wanted to let you know that once you practice the strategies for
dealing with anger, pat your self on the back each time you make
effort and achieve.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=70305&ca=Self+Help
What Causes Anger?
Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of
grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a
person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to
several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from
others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving
ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination
of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (“It has to
be done my way”) and a low frustration point (“It’s my way or no
way”). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a
external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions
on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that
the reason they are angry is because of their irrational
perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception
and expectation of the world that they live in and when that
reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become
angry.
It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy.
Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that
protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by
others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation
needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we
love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take
over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes
destructive.
Why We Need to Control Anger
Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug—-a
person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize,
comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts
logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think
clearly and your emotions take control of your actions.
Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight
response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and
releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our
strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two
things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options
facilitates a good negotiation.
Internal Sources of Anger
Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational
perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types
of thinking that contribute to anger.
1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally
misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as
being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who
use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something
innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as
an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to
dysfunctional anger in the long run.
2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have
experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low.
Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for
frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to
our well-being or threats to our ego.
3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they
see things as how they should be and not as they really are.
This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have
unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or
for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner.
When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration,
and eventually depression set in.
4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of
thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone
else. By rating someone as a “bitch” or a “bastard,” it
dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at
the person.
External Sources Of Anger
There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can
make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating
situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general
events.
1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side
attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.
2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our
ideas, opinions, and options.
3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take
away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e.
“I’ll make sure you’ll never work in this city again.”
4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things
done might be low or affected by any number of environmental
factors in our lives.
Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance
1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our
tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so
many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.
2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration
tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of
our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or
anyone else.
3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain
processes information and can make a person more irritable or
bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger
anger.
4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called
“having a bad day.” It’s the little irritations that add up
during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for
frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle,
spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck
in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.
Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger
By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune
ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure
that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are
some symptoms of anger:
1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and
neck.
2. Teeth grinding
3. Breathing rate increases dramatically
4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an
increase in blood pressure
5. Face turns pale
6. Sweating
7. Feeling hot or cold
8. Shaking in the hands
9. Goosebumps
10. Heart rate increases
11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of
power.
Am I Right to be Angry?
Damn right you are. You have your own perception and
expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality
that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you
have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike,
then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are
going to run into situations that you don’t enjoy. You are going
to run into people who don’t respect your views and ideas. The
feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs
and so don’t repress or deny those feelings.
Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the
right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You
can’t change the views of other people to conform to your own
because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their
view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your
anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.
Key Points
Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the
influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and
thinking logically.
Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of
reality and a low frustration point.
Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be
angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a
negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you
lose the agreement.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=7870&ca=Self+Help
grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a
person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to
several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from
others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving
ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination
of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (“It has to
be done my way”) and a low frustration point (“It’s my way or no
way”). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a
external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions
on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that
the reason they are angry is because of their irrational
perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception
and expectation of the world that they live in and when that
reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become
angry.
It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy.
Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that
protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by
others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation
needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we
love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take
over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes
destructive.
Why We Need to Control Anger
Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug—-a
person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize,
comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts
logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think
clearly and your emotions take control of your actions.
Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight
response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and
releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our
strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two
things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options
facilitates a good negotiation.
Internal Sources of Anger
Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational
perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types
of thinking that contribute to anger.
1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally
misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as
being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who
use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something
innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as
an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to
dysfunctional anger in the long run.
2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have
experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low.
Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for
frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to
our well-being or threats to our ego.
3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they
see things as how they should be and not as they really are.
This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have
unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or
for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner.
When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration,
and eventually depression set in.
4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of
thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone
else. By rating someone as a “bitch” or a “bastard,” it
dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at
the person.
External Sources Of Anger
There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can
make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating
situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general
events.
1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side
attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.
2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our
ideas, opinions, and options.
3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take
away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e.
“I’ll make sure you’ll never work in this city again.”
4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things
done might be low or affected by any number of environmental
factors in our lives.
Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance
1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our
tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so
many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.
2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration
tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of
our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or
anyone else.
3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain
processes information and can make a person more irritable or
bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger
anger.
4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called
“having a bad day.” It’s the little irritations that add up
during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for
frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle,
spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck
in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.
Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger
By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune
ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure
that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are
some symptoms of anger:
1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and
neck.
2. Teeth grinding
3. Breathing rate increases dramatically
4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an
increase in blood pressure
5. Face turns pale
6. Sweating
7. Feeling hot or cold
8. Shaking in the hands
9. Goosebumps
10. Heart rate increases
11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of
power.
Am I Right to be Angry?
Damn right you are. You have your own perception and
expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality
that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you
have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike,
then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are
going to run into situations that you don’t enjoy. You are going
to run into people who don’t respect your views and ideas. The
feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs
and so don’t repress or deny those feelings.
Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the
right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You
can’t change the views of other people to conform to your own
because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their
view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your
anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.
Key Points
Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the
influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and
thinking logically.
Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of
reality and a low frustration point.
Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be
angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a
negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you
lose the agreement.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=7870&ca=Self+Help
Get Rid Of Anger
You tend to have sudden outbursts, be violent, over- react over
petty things and generally be angry most of the time. You may
not be aware but you might actually have anger management
issues.
We act and communicate our anger differently. This emotion is
usually triggered by something that does not confine with what
we think is right and pleasing. It is something unpredictable.
When something in our environment irritates us, the mind tells
the body to react in a certain way.
People have different levels of tolerance. Some tend to be more
capable of containing their feelings or express their anger more
constructively than others. There are some who have rather poor
ability of releasing their anger. These are individuals who have
control issues over their emotions.
For people with this problem, they have the tendency to act
with such intensity that they hurt themselves and others. They
are often overwhelmed with the need to be with such aggression
in releasing their anger. Violent tendency comes naturally when
a certain environment appears to be provoking them. It is okay
to be angry as long as you can handle it well, as long as it
does not become destructive. After all, we are human beings. But
when it actually creates a problem, then we should come up with
ways to manage our anger.
There are several forms of anger management. The most common
form is through relaxation. This is through doing away with
intense emotions and letting yourself be in an environment where
you could least likely be angry. It could be through unwinding,
being involved in physical activities that prove soothing for
you such as yoga or meditation. It could also be just by letting
go of any negative feeling within you.
For more complex conditions such as when anger already causes
psychological problems among others, a more scientific approach
could be used. This is through seeking professional help. Visits
to the psychiatrist are always kept confidential as how other
forms of medical assistance are handled. But it can be costly
and treatment can last for long periods of time.
On the other hand, hypnotherapy will also assure you of
privacy. In addition, you will not be required to take any
medication and results can be observed in one to five sessions,
depending on your anger management issues.
More than anything, you need to be determined to change. This
includes acknowledging that you have a problem, being willing to
understand yourself and loving yourself enough to do away with
negative feelings.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=162128&ca=Self+Help
petty things and generally be angry most of the time. You may
not be aware but you might actually have anger management
issues.
We act and communicate our anger differently. This emotion is
usually triggered by something that does not confine with what
we think is right and pleasing. It is something unpredictable.
When something in our environment irritates us, the mind tells
the body to react in a certain way.
People have different levels of tolerance. Some tend to be more
capable of containing their feelings or express their anger more
constructively than others. There are some who have rather poor
ability of releasing their anger. These are individuals who have
control issues over their emotions.
For people with this problem, they have the tendency to act
with such intensity that they hurt themselves and others. They
are often overwhelmed with the need to be with such aggression
in releasing their anger. Violent tendency comes naturally when
a certain environment appears to be provoking them. It is okay
to be angry as long as you can handle it well, as long as it
does not become destructive. After all, we are human beings. But
when it actually creates a problem, then we should come up with
ways to manage our anger.
There are several forms of anger management. The most common
form is through relaxation. This is through doing away with
intense emotions and letting yourself be in an environment where
you could least likely be angry. It could be through unwinding,
being involved in physical activities that prove soothing for
you such as yoga or meditation. It could also be just by letting
go of any negative feeling within you.
For more complex conditions such as when anger already causes
psychological problems among others, a more scientific approach
could be used. This is through seeking professional help. Visits
to the psychiatrist are always kept confidential as how other
forms of medical assistance are handled. But it can be costly
and treatment can last for long periods of time.
On the other hand, hypnotherapy will also assure you of
privacy. In addition, you will not be required to take any
medication and results can be observed in one to five sessions,
depending on your anger management issues.
More than anything, you need to be determined to change. This
includes acknowledging that you have a problem, being willing to
understand yourself and loving yourself enough to do away with
negative feelings.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=162128&ca=Self+Help
Dealing With Anger In Your Marriage
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while
you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
At some point, everyone gets angry at their spouse. It could be
over something minor like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste,
or something on a larger scale like disrespecting you in front
of other people. The anger itself is not a sin...it's what you
then do with it and how you respond to it that can potentially
be classified as sin.
How are you dealing with your anger in your marriage?
There are different ways that people typically deal with anger.
Many people internalize their feelings of anger. In trying to
avoid dealing with it, unforgiveness and bitterness take root,
gradually poisoning their marriage. Turning it inward doesn't
deal with the anger; instead it's allowed to build up over time.
Others externalize it. They turn their anger outward, towards
their spouse, kids, or anyone else who gets in their line of
fire. They let their feelings lead them to hurt others, either
verbally or physically. Many of these people profess that they
just "couldn't control themselves." This is a person that's
controlled by their emotions, instead of being in control of
their emotions. These people will continue to physically or
verbally abuse their spouses or kids as long as they can get
away with it.
Now, take that same "out of control" person and put them up
next to a 300 pound linebacker. Do you think they would control
themselves enough to keep from slapping that linebacker around?
Oh yeah, because they know they couldn't get away with
that...not without some pretty hefty consequences.
We should never let our feelings of anger cause us to get "out
of control."
So what are some ways to deal with anger in marriage?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and
slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
1) Admit to yourself and God that you are angry. There's no
reason for denying it. Plus, as you get it out in the open,
you'll be better prepared to deal with it.
2) Don't yield to your feelings. If you think you may say or do
something that you'll regret, walk away from the situation until
you have control over your emotions. Take a deep breath to bring
your physical reactions to anger under control. Realize that YOU
are totally responsible for your own actions.
3) Whether the wrong committed against you was real or
perceived, intentional or accidental, bring the offense to God
and forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is not for the other
person, it's for you. As you get in the habit of actually
forgiving your spouse, your anger will lead you into sin less
often.
4) Don't give the devil a foothold by dwelling on the offense.
If you've forgiven your husband or wife, quit replaying the
situation over in your mind. Otherwise, not only will you cause
those angry feelings to come back, but you will give the devil
the opportunity to add fuel to the fire by telling you how evil
your spouse is. This will only serve to send you back to square
one, negating any progress you've made.
If you've let your anger lead you into sin in the past, ask God
to forgive you and let it go. You can't control what you've done
in the past, but you can control what you do now and in the
future. Start preparing now for the next time you get angry,
because the time will come again when you'll need to deal with
it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you control yourself and diffuse
the anger without sinning. And remember Luke 1:37 "For nothing
is impossible with God."
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=149817&ca=Marriage
Try These Anger Management Techniques
Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing?
Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing
on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks
you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were
planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management
techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or
external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in
your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your
withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies
show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer
more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it
in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to
learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper
unnecessarily again.
Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain
When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger
management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before
taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about
the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the
other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances
around to see how you would want to be treated if the other
person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you
regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and
cause external damage.
You also can try traditional anger management techniques to
soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten,
before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or
hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may
provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before
tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to
think about the best approach to a problem rather than
responding with random anger.
Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off
In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to
rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick
walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at
home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or
ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help
to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight
strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the
more popular and useful anger management techniques.
Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a
diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of
your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show
that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood
pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can
damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations
with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more
anger management techniques used by thousands.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and
other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like
anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for
more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your
breast.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=29760&ca=Self+Help
Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing
on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks
you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were
planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management
techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or
external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in
your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your
withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies
show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer
more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it
in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to
learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper
unnecessarily again.
Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain
When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger
management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before
taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about
the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the
other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances
around to see how you would want to be treated if the other
person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you
regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and
cause external damage.
You also can try traditional anger management techniques to
soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten,
before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or
hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may
provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before
tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to
think about the best approach to a problem rather than
responding with random anger.
Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off
In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to
rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick
walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at
home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or
ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help
to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight
strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the
more popular and useful anger management techniques.
Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a
diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of
your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show
that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood
pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can
damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations
with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more
anger management techniques used by thousands.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and
other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like
anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for
more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your
breast.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=29760&ca=Self+Help
Anger Management Hypnotism
Anger is one of the most intense of all emotions. It could be
described as a strong negative feeling usually caused by our
bodily responses to a certain condition. It arises as we are
affected by what is presented to us. Anger is usually manifested
and expressed in different ways.
Reasons for experiencing anger are unique and diverse. You may
be caused to react over even simple things in a certain way. The
problem is when you express your anger in a way that is
destructive to you as well as your surroundings. This creates a
concern on handling such feeling; on ways of venting out your
anger effectively. Such strong demonstration requires anger
management.
Anger management is an effort to address your feelings in a
more constructive way. You will be presented with several
“stimulants” known to be the usual triggering factor for human
beings. Your reactions will then be analyzed for you to be able
to work on them. The crucial and important aspect is when you
are able to gain control over your anger. As the term implies,
you are learning to manage your emotion in a way that it does
not cause any form of harm or destruction.
Experiencing anger is not bad as it is a natural emotion as
human beings. It is something that could normally occur.
However, you must always encourage your self to do away with it.
Probable causes cannot be accurately classified. It is only
known that feeling angry is triggered by situations and people
presented to us; usually by things that are not of your liking.
It could be a person, a particular event, a petty thing among
other things that trigger you to be irate.
To address this intense emotion, you could find healthy means
of expressing it. This may be through relaxation – freeing
yourself of things that stress you. You could also manage your
anger through constantly trying to remain calm when encountering
your tendencies to be angry. It is also important that you are
aware of your condition and accept that you tend to be often
angry.
With this, you could take concrete step in correcting it. A way
on achieving this is seeking professional help. But instead of
going to psychiatrists, whose services can be costly, you should
try Hypnotherapy. It is considered to be a very effective way to
address problems like anger management.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=161827&ca=Self+Help
The Biggest Lie: "I'm Just Being Honest" And Other Disguises For Anger And Resentment
"The truth is, red is not your color. No, of course I’m nottrying to hurt your feelings…you want me to be honest don’tyou?"When you are recipient of this kind of honesty you have to asksome questions: Is this person having a bad day? Is this just aninstance of poor social skills or low self-esteem? Is this acase of competition or is it just payback time?Several emotions and behaviors come disguised as honesty:Anger, revenge, justification, judgment, and low self-esteem.When someone justifies his or her honesty there is probably someconflicting intention behind it. How do you read between thelines? Here are some of the warning signs that reveal anothertruth: Honesty justified is a half-truth.I just have to be honest…"I just have to be honest," is a warning sign that you havemight have been deceived. It happens in personalrelationships when the intentions are contradictory. Forexample, "I just have to be honest, I never really cared foropera in the first place." In the ears of the listener thehidden truth is this: "I have lied to you, led you on andpretended to enjoy opera in order to please you and win yourapproval, but now that you are hooked, I’m ready to get real."Until you are aware of these conflicting intentions you createpatterns of discord. Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul saysthat we are unable choose our intentions consciously until weare conscious of each of the different aspects of ourselves. "Ifyou are not conscious of each part of yourself you will have theexperience of wanting to say, or to intend, one thing, and findyourself saying or intending something else. You will desire torelease a painful pattern from your experience, and see itreappear yet again."Few people are self aware enough to be honest. Honesty isuncomfortable. It means honoring feelings and examiningintentions. Anger is often cloaked in honesty with the hiddenintention of revenge: "Well it’s the truth!""I don’t enjoy going to the opera with you anyway.You don’tknow how to dress, your manners are boorish, and it’s obviousyou are outclassed. Well…it’s the truth!" Have you ever noticedthat "well, it’s the truth," is always said after delivering aslam?Anger disguised as honesty reveals hidden judgments, i.e. Ihave overlooked so many flaws including your lack of class, yourwhite socks and high water pants. It hacks me off that youdidn’t recognize my superiority.You may not be consciously aware of your intentions of revenge,i.e. you have hurt my feelings and now I want to hurt yours. Nowonder we all believe the old adage, "the truth hurts."Neil Donald Walsh, in his book Conversations With God, says,"Feelings are neither negative nor destructive. They are simplytruths. How you express your truth is what matters."Harriet Learner, in her book The Dance of Deception, says,"Much of what we call telling the truth, involves anunproductive effort to change, convince or convert anotherperson rather than an attempt to clarify our own selves." Thistells me that truth is about representing ourselves and notplacing demands and judgments on others.Well, to be honest…The other honesty issues happen in business. On a follow upcall you hear; "Well to be honest…" (The writing is on the wallwhen a prospect begins a sentence with that phrase.) Decisionmakers pretend they are interested in a product or service thatthey have no intention of buying, yet instead of speaking thetruth up front, they pass out false hope and waste the time ofthe persistent sales person.However, persistence facilitates truth telling. When someonesays, "Well to be honest," what they really mean is this: "Ihave pretended to be interested in your product or service, andeven though I am the decision maker, I didn’t have the backboneto say bug-off. It seemed easier to lead you on, than to admitthat I wasn’t interested. It was my intention that myprocrastination would wear you down, but in reality, yourpersistence forced me to be honest."You come to the conclusion that honesty is not only a heartbreaker but also a time-waster. And yet the only way to seethrough the deception is to become more honest yourself.Now is the moment to ask some life-changing questions:• Do I lead people on because it’s easier than being honest?• Do I use honesty as an excuse to express anger?• Do I understand my intentions when I express my honesty?• What other truths are unspoken in my honesty?Depok Chopra says, "pain isn’t the truth, it’s what mortals gothrough to find the truth."If we honor our feelings and examine our intentions beforeexpressing our truth, our honesty will be softer, kinder andwill be the kind of truth that sets us free.AAGEKSBPTHQM
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=141340&ca=Self+Help
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=141340&ca=Self+Help
Transforming Anger
All of us feel anger and hatred from time to time. Eastern
meditation and mindfulness techniques can help us mange and
transform our anger so that the energy contained in the anger
benefits us instead of spreading misery in others and ourselves.
It is important to note that although anger causes us pain we
should not reject it or disown it. Suppose your stomach or legs
or some other part of your body grew diseased and caused you
pain. Would you for that reason try to get rid of your stomach
or your legs? Of course you would not. Anger can be transformed
and the energy contained in it can be of much use to us. The
story is told of Angulimala - a famous dacoit who had murdered
999 people. Yet a meeting with the Buddha changed him and
transformed the anger within him. If a legendary dacoit can
transform his anger then surely so can we.
Think of your anger, as a farmer would regard organic
fertilizer. A farmer with garbage and organic waste knows that
he can use it to grow nutritious fruits and vegetables. So also
we can use the anger within us to grow spiritually and become
awakened.
We can care for and transform our anger the way a mother cares
for here baby - by practicing mindfulness whenever we are angry.
The effect mindfulness has on anger can be compared with the way
flowers respond to sunlight. At sunrise the rays from the sun
reach the flower. The photons contained in the sunrays penetrate
the flower. After 15 to 20 minutes the flower can no longer
resist and she opens herself to the sunrays.
In a similar manner we need to practice mindfulness at all
times and especially when we are angry. Observe the breath
entering or leaving the body when you are angry. At the same
time observe the anger within you without judging or condemning
or rejecting it in any way. After some minutes the anger will
open itself to you and fade away. The cause of the anger will be
revealed and the energy contained in the anger will be available
for your use.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese poet and Zen Buddhist master,
says that we need to care for our anger the way a mother cares
for her newborn baby. The mother may be cooking in the kitchen
and yet the moment the baby cries out she immediately goes to
see what is wrong. Because she is a skillful mother she soon
finds out what is wrong - whether it is that the baby is hungry
or the nappy is too tight or whatever may be the case. In the
same way the moment we fell angry we need to care for it by
practicing mindfulness. We can observe the breath. We can go out
for a walk and make the act of walking our meditation practice.
Observe the sensations in the feet as they land on the ground
one after the other. At the same time observe your breath. You
will soon know how many steps you take for each in breath and
out breath. Walk in this mindful manner for 20 minutes to half
an hour and your anger will open itself to you and be
transformed.
Anger, left uncared for, spread a lot of pain and misery not
only in ourselves but also in other that we come in contact.
There is a natural tendency to lash out at others when we are
angry and this has the result of spreading misery. If we
practice transforming anger through mindfulness we will not only
be much happier and more peaceful ourselves but we can also care
for others and share our happiness and peace. In this way our
meditation practice will help in making the world a better
place.
I hope you enjoyed this article and hope that it will be useful
to you.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=12561&ca=Self+Help
meditation and mindfulness techniques can help us mange and
transform our anger so that the energy contained in the anger
benefits us instead of spreading misery in others and ourselves.
It is important to note that although anger causes us pain we
should not reject it or disown it. Suppose your stomach or legs
or some other part of your body grew diseased and caused you
pain. Would you for that reason try to get rid of your stomach
or your legs? Of course you would not. Anger can be transformed
and the energy contained in it can be of much use to us. The
story is told of Angulimala - a famous dacoit who had murdered
999 people. Yet a meeting with the Buddha changed him and
transformed the anger within him. If a legendary dacoit can
transform his anger then surely so can we.
Think of your anger, as a farmer would regard organic
fertilizer. A farmer with garbage and organic waste knows that
he can use it to grow nutritious fruits and vegetables. So also
we can use the anger within us to grow spiritually and become
awakened.
We can care for and transform our anger the way a mother cares
for here baby - by practicing mindfulness whenever we are angry.
The effect mindfulness has on anger can be compared with the way
flowers respond to sunlight. At sunrise the rays from the sun
reach the flower. The photons contained in the sunrays penetrate
the flower. After 15 to 20 minutes the flower can no longer
resist and she opens herself to the sunrays.
In a similar manner we need to practice mindfulness at all
times and especially when we are angry. Observe the breath
entering or leaving the body when you are angry. At the same
time observe the anger within you without judging or condemning
or rejecting it in any way. After some minutes the anger will
open itself to you and fade away. The cause of the anger will be
revealed and the energy contained in the anger will be available
for your use.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese poet and Zen Buddhist master,
says that we need to care for our anger the way a mother cares
for her newborn baby. The mother may be cooking in the kitchen
and yet the moment the baby cries out she immediately goes to
see what is wrong. Because she is a skillful mother she soon
finds out what is wrong - whether it is that the baby is hungry
or the nappy is too tight or whatever may be the case. In the
same way the moment we fell angry we need to care for it by
practicing mindfulness. We can observe the breath. We can go out
for a walk and make the act of walking our meditation practice.
Observe the sensations in the feet as they land on the ground
one after the other. At the same time observe your breath. You
will soon know how many steps you take for each in breath and
out breath. Walk in this mindful manner for 20 minutes to half
an hour and your anger will open itself to you and be
transformed.
Anger, left uncared for, spread a lot of pain and misery not
only in ourselves but also in other that we come in contact.
There is a natural tendency to lash out at others when we are
angry and this has the result of spreading misery. If we
practice transforming anger through mindfulness we will not only
be much happier and more peaceful ourselves but we can also care
for others and share our happiness and peace. In this way our
meditation practice will help in making the world a better
place.
I hope you enjoyed this article and hope that it will be useful
to you.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=12561&ca=Self+Help
What Are Anger Indicators
Here we will sum up the signs of anger, because even though
everyone is different, there are certain comparable signs that
denote this strong emotion.
Sometimes, an angry person will verbally or physically assault
others. They are sometimes prone to violent outbursts, often
involving hurting others or destroying things.
An angry person is often aggressive, and might complain a lot
about seemingly everything. They often engage in malicious
behavior toward others, retaliating or striking out against
others.
People who are angry are often antisocial, with an incapability
to relate to their peers. Often, they disparage people, say
cruel or unkind things, or hurt people to make themselves feel
better.
Their lack of dealing with the anger problems leads to the
inability to trust others. They exhibit suspicious, judgmental,
or jealous characteristics toward others. Angry people might try
to undermine others, and be disruptive if they do not agree with
something. An angry person is not pleasant to be around, and
they desperately need help.
Recently I heard about a woman that had serious anger problems.
For seemingly no reason she would react to what most people
would consider minor issues such as a child eating too much or
eating something that she envied.
Something like this was enough to bring about an irrational
reaction. Sometimes she was mild in her acts, and other times
she was out of control. In most cases, she had no basis for her
behavior; however, there was an underlying source, as is usually
the case.
The woman did in fact display anti-social behaviors, and she
often conveyed odd thinking patterns. For example, she would say
that all men are pigs. She also talked about leading men on;
leading them down to her basement and having alligators eat them
alive. The woman was unbalanced and very ill.
Now she was diagnosed with Bipolar – Manic Depression, and
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. After careful examination
Posttraumatic Stress was dismissed and the diagnosis was that of
exaggerated, anti-social traits.
According to her, the cause for her anger was that the many men
she had been involved with had mistreated her. This was only
part of the reason, and the truth surfaced when she talked more
about her life. She had been adopted as a child; therefore, she
felt a sense of abandonment.
The origin here is understandable, since she most likely
resented her parents for giving her up for adoption. Even if the
parents’ reasons were valid, she rebuffs when prompted to hear
the other side of the story. Since the woman’s symptoms were
ongoing, the treatment would probably never work since she was a
victim of her own mind and in denial.
It was obvious that the woman had anger manifesting in her own
behaviors. She performed illegal acts, such as writing bad
checks. Therefore, the symptoms she endured were partially of
her own choice. She produced her anger and paranoia; therefore
her anger is her own responsibility.
However, angry people will often undermine others. For example,
an angry individual might say something like: try these diet
pills; they will help you take off some weight. The angry person
is well aware that the other individual has a sore spot about
their weight, even though she is normal weight. Therefore, the
angry person is trying to disparage the individual by
undermining her self-esteem.
An angry person will also seek attention and use damaging
words. For example, an angry person might say, “I am fat”. The
angry person is waiting for you to disagree, and offer
compliments. The best thing to do in this situation is to ignore
the angry person. Because denial is at the source of the
problem, no matter how many times you try to convince the person
otherwise, they will not believe you.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=45039&ca=Self+Help
everyone is different, there are certain comparable signs that
denote this strong emotion.
Sometimes, an angry person will verbally or physically assault
others. They are sometimes prone to violent outbursts, often
involving hurting others or destroying things.
An angry person is often aggressive, and might complain a lot
about seemingly everything. They often engage in malicious
behavior toward others, retaliating or striking out against
others.
People who are angry are often antisocial, with an incapability
to relate to their peers. Often, they disparage people, say
cruel or unkind things, or hurt people to make themselves feel
better.
Their lack of dealing with the anger problems leads to the
inability to trust others. They exhibit suspicious, judgmental,
or jealous characteristics toward others. Angry people might try
to undermine others, and be disruptive if they do not agree with
something. An angry person is not pleasant to be around, and
they desperately need help.
Recently I heard about a woman that had serious anger problems.
For seemingly no reason she would react to what most people
would consider minor issues such as a child eating too much or
eating something that she envied.
Something like this was enough to bring about an irrational
reaction. Sometimes she was mild in her acts, and other times
she was out of control. In most cases, she had no basis for her
behavior; however, there was an underlying source, as is usually
the case.
The woman did in fact display anti-social behaviors, and she
often conveyed odd thinking patterns. For example, she would say
that all men are pigs. She also talked about leading men on;
leading them down to her basement and having alligators eat them
alive. The woman was unbalanced and very ill.
Now she was diagnosed with Bipolar – Manic Depression, and
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. After careful examination
Posttraumatic Stress was dismissed and the diagnosis was that of
exaggerated, anti-social traits.
According to her, the cause for her anger was that the many men
she had been involved with had mistreated her. This was only
part of the reason, and the truth surfaced when she talked more
about her life. She had been adopted as a child; therefore, she
felt a sense of abandonment.
The origin here is understandable, since she most likely
resented her parents for giving her up for adoption. Even if the
parents’ reasons were valid, she rebuffs when prompted to hear
the other side of the story. Since the woman’s symptoms were
ongoing, the treatment would probably never work since she was a
victim of her own mind and in denial.
It was obvious that the woman had anger manifesting in her own
behaviors. She performed illegal acts, such as writing bad
checks. Therefore, the symptoms she endured were partially of
her own choice. She produced her anger and paranoia; therefore
her anger is her own responsibility.
However, angry people will often undermine others. For example,
an angry individual might say something like: try these diet
pills; they will help you take off some weight. The angry person
is well aware that the other individual has a sore spot about
their weight, even though she is normal weight. Therefore, the
angry person is trying to disparage the individual by
undermining her self-esteem.
An angry person will also seek attention and use damaging
words. For example, an angry person might say, “I am fat”. The
angry person is waiting for you to disagree, and offer
compliments. The best thing to do in this situation is to ignore
the angry person. Because denial is at the source of the
problem, no matter how many times you try to convince the person
otherwise, they will not believe you.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=45039&ca=Self+Help
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
