Why We Get Angry And How To Control Anger

Anger is an emotional distress which must be checked and not
allowed to grow into a mighty rage. People have died from the
anger of country or group leaders through creation of wars or
through acts of terrorism. Marital abuse, child abuse and
street fights are some of the effects of anger that have gone
out of control.
Usually a person gets angry not out of choice but out of
provocation. The challenge here is to disallow provocation to
influence our emotion and make us do things that we regret
later. If we have a problem in managing our anger, we must
learn to control it before it controls us.
What causes anger? Let us identify the triggers before we get
to how to control it. When we understand where it is coming
from, we will recognize and curb the symptoms.
* Frustration due to obstacles to what we desire or need.
* Pain and discomfort
* Our angry childhood environment
* Personal insult
* Huge ego
How do we control our anger? We cannot control how and when we
get angry but we can control and choose what we want to do with
our anger. If we know that we fly off the handle easily, there
are ways that we can do to manage it.
Expressing anger is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as it is
constructive and serves as a warning. When an anger is
suppressed over a long period of time, there is a possibility of
greater damage when that anger is released eventually. In the
society that we live in it is expected of us to suppress or
repress our anger so be mindful when you choose to keep
something within, you either overcome by forgiving or you let
your feelings known calmly.
We can choose to walk away from a volatile situation to give
ourselves time to recover and reflect. You will begin to see
things in different perspective when you have time to cool off.
Why sweat it and use up a lot of energy in this already
stressful world?
Go drink a glass of water, as water has healing properties. Go
lie down somewhere else and stop focusing on the negative
scenario. Stop giving energy to the anger. In some religious
belief, anger is the devil itself. It sits right on top of your
head and spur you on. Do not give permission for your anger to
breed.
To forgive is to forget and it still holds true. It's a simple
yet powerful way to release the toxic from your system. Say out
loud that no one has the right to offend you without your
permission. When you forgive someone, you forgive yourself too.
Try to look at it with a sense of humour. Laughter is indeed
the best medicine. Another way is through meditation where you
seek peace, clarity and selfempowerment. Or you can release
anger by exercising or brisk walking.
Do a self-evaluation and establish what situation makes you
angry? If ego is always the cause of you anger, then deal with
your ego. Wanting to be right always does not give you the
right to be angry. However if you feel it is beyond you to
overcome your anger by yourself, get professional help.
There is no issue of shame if what you are doing will help
yourself and the people around you.

Anger control is possible once you decide you want to control
it and not let it control you. Walk away, reflect , laugh and
forgive. If it gets too hard, seek help through medication or
alternative healing.


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Why Do We Need To Control Anger?

It is often difficult to preserve control of your natural
impulses while others close to us make us angry. It can be still
more difficult with the cost of living raising every year and
bringing more pressure into our lives, and as if that is not
sufficient the legal and political system is regularly putting
more stress on us everyday.
Most of us deal with the stressors in life as they come our
way, but a few of us cannot and become out of control.
Management is frequently the best answer for treating anger; but
then, the individual must be ready to admit their actions are
leading to more problems and be prepared to obtain a solution.
If a person react violently, verbally abusive, assaulting
others and so on, it not only leads to trouble for the person
that is out of control, it also causes difficulties for others.
Normally when a person has anger issues he or she will attack
other people perhaps physically or mentally or even both. The
angry person will often attack in a way that belittles,
humiliates, harms, or threatens another. This person truly needs
to learn to manage his or her anger, because anybody around him
or her is affected to a certain amount.
Anger is mainly the inability to restrain our basic impulses,
needs and emotions. If a person is out of contact with his
emotions, it frequently creates a chaotic mind. Anger is not
necessarily a bad thing, when and if a person is threatened; it
is always good to have an amount of anger to protect you, but
when a person doesn't have any control at all then it will lead
to problems.
Anger, sadness, joy and happiness are all parts of our
emotions, and when we have those emotions in control we can live
a productive life. However, when we begin to target or attack
others then it is more and more difficult for us to handle our
life and anger.
One clearly recognized example is school bullying, for a few
children going to school is a nightmare, each day a bully will
antagonize this child pushing him beyond his limit of control.
The child may hold his feelings in for a period, but eventually
he or she is going to loose control, due to the fact that none
of us is prepared to continue permitting someone to make our
lives miserable.
Sorry to say, when this child gets to his or her limit and
returns the attack on the other youngster, he then becomes the
culprit and is frequently punished. The bully could quite often
get away with his actions, and once the victim takes action he
or she is frequently punished. The school personnel will often
say why didn't you tell me what was going on? However, the fact
is the child most likely told the personnel and in my
experiences, they seldom act. The out come is that now we have
two children with anger troubles and more people in trouble.
This is merely one of the numerous reasons why a person
cultivates anger to the point at which they feel they have to
retaliate.
Each time we are angry we feel it in our body and mind. Our
body will often tense up if we feel angry. If you feel this
tension then it is time to step back and take control. Ask
yourself, why am I mad? Why do I feel this way? Asking yourself
questions might help you find the answers if you search your
mind hard enough.
Generally after a person has developed a level of anger that is
out of control, they will frequently strike out at people even
if there is no justifiable reason. The person may have just
moved something that belonged to that person and they respond by
saying something like, you stupid moron, why in the hell did you
move my belongings? I cannot believe how stupid you are. Why do
you bother breathing? This is completely inappropriate behavior;
the angry person may attack physically by kicking, hitting,
punching, spitting, or causing other types of harm to the
individual. It is vital to get management in play if you have
anger problems.
If you cannot control your emotions then one day, someone will
control them for you. Anger is great if you have it under
control, but when you loose control somebody, someday will pay
and that someone in most cases will be you as well as the trail
of victims you leave behind you.


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How Your Outlook Influences Health And Your Ability To Control Anger

The situation: Jane and Anthony have differing ways of viewing
the world. Jane is a pessimist (the glass is half-empty), while
Anthony is an optimist (the glass is half-full). These outlooks
influence how they experience similar situations.
Scene 1: Job loss. Jane is devastated, convincing herself that
she is all washed up, she can never catch a break, it is useless
for her to try to be successful, and she is never going to
succeed at anything.
Anthony, however, has a healthier inner dialogue. He tells
himself he may not have been good at that particular job, his
skills and his company’s needs did not mesh and being fired was
only a temporary setback in his career.
Scene 2: New jobs. Offered a new job, Jane, the pessimist,
believes she was able to find a new job only because her
industry is now really desperate for people and must have
lowered their standards to hire her.
Anthony, however, feels he landed the new job because his
talents were finally recognized and he will now be appreciated
for what he can do.
As these examples illustrate, optimists tend to interpret their
troubles as transient, controllable and specific to situations.
Recent research by Dr. Martin Seligman confirms this.
When good things happen, optimists believe the causes are
permanent, resulting from traits and abilities. Optimists
further believe that good events will enhance everything they
do.
Pessimists, on the other hand, believe their troubles will last
forever, will undermine everything they do, and are basically
beyond their control. When good things happen to pessimists,
they see them as temporary and caused by specific factors that
will eventually change and lead to negative outcomes.
Optimism creates better resistance to depression when bad
events strike, better performance at work and better physical
health.
In fact, one long term study at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester,
MN, found that optimists lived 19% longer than pessimists.
Optimism is also a powerful antidote to anger. Many
participants in our anger management classes report their anger
lessening as they learn to replace negative thinking with
positive thinking.
Here’s some good news for negative thinkers: You can learn how
to replace pessimism with optimism.
The starting point is to access your vulnerability to
pessimistic thinking by taking the self-evaluation test you can
find at www.authentichappiness.org
Your responses will be compared to thousands of other people in
various categories, down to your Zip Code.
If you scored lower than you’d like, you can become more
optimistic. As Dr. Seligman writes in Authentic Happiness, his
latest book: ‘the trait of optimism is changeable and
learnable.’
There is now a well-documented method for building optimism.
It’s based on first, recognizing, and then disputing,
pessimistic thoughts.
People often do not pay attention to their thoughts and thus do
not recognize how destructive they can be in leading to negative
emotions. The key is to recognize your pessimistic thoughts and
then treat them as if they were uttered by someone else – an
external person, a rival, whose mission in life is to make you
miserable!
Basically, you can become an optimist by learning to disagree
with yourself – challenging your pessimistic thinking patterns
and replacing them with more positive patterns.

Note: This view of optimistic thinking is not the process of
‘positive thinking’ in the sense of repeating silly affirmations
that you don’t really believe.
Rather, it is the process of correcting distorted or faulty
thinking patterns that create health, career and relationship
problems for you.
By teaching yourself to think about things differently (but
just as realistically), you can morph yourself from a pessimist
to an optimist – and tame the Anger Bee in the process.


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