ANGER MENAGEMENT

Anger Management Needs To Be Directed

2009-01-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

Anger is one among the many emotions of human. The extremes ofany instinctive emotions of human have to be seen seriously, andanger is never an exception.
Anger is one's reaction to some happenings, or it could be anoutcome of some other things revolving in his or her mind. Moreprecisely, people find anger as an aggressive way of respondingtowards something he dislikes or anything not in harmony withhis or her morale. Importantly, anger is an instinctiveaggressive reflection of human and never a premeditated versionof behavioral pattern, in majority of cases. Also, this emotioncan very well fall into numerous categories of anger like angerto others, self anger, anger towards social injustice etc.
Peeping into different interpretations, should anger beconsidered as a delicate emotion of man or as an intricatebehaviour of man? Answer to this question lies in the impact ofconsequences, an emotional behavior like this could bring in.Since uncontrolled delicacy leads intricacy, this emotion, as amatter of fact, can never be treated as an insubstantial issueto deal with. If anybody go for a thorough examination ofdifferent versions of anger, the subject will be as diverse, asinteresting and as worthy as it can be. As mentioned, self-angeris too crucial an issue, since people won't often realize andthink the reason why he or she got angry. This often ends up inscrewing others happiness. People, who have uncontrollableanger, will often break open on others and for them, angermanagement seem to have a gem of work to do.
Getting back to ones beliefs and principles is another angermanagement technique. In situations of anger, a consciousattempt to control the furious emotion by even a single canon inreligious principles, is appreciable a move. Practicingmeditations, taking a deep breathe, or even remembering aprevious experience when you where successful in angermanagement are some of the anger management techniques.Cocooning the concentration in a particular object or even ashadow can divert you from being angry.
So, anger management could be done, if given due attention. Inan era, where man achieves everything beyond his control andcapabilities, would it be ridiculous to say, the same man can'tcontrol something on which he has supreme command. Yes, even thesmile of a baby can appease the entire globe. Anger managementcan be attained with a little external help and this can come toyou in the form of hypnosis. Hypnosis for anger management canin fact prove to be the only effective tool in many individuals.This is because it treats the mind first. This is in fact anessential part of hypnosis treatment wherein the mind heals andunderstands reality in a more rationale manner. Your mind isable to reason and understand the real facts instead of justgetting angry when there is no need to. Hypnosis calms yournerves and enables you to be a good judge of any situation. Withsuch an approach you will no longer lose your nerves for smallor big reasons and will not be as tetchy and agitated in life.Your persona will undergo change and this will reflect in yournew found attitude.
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Anger Management Needs To Be Given Importance

2009-01-24T09:19:00.001-08:00

Anger management is nothing but controlling anger or learningthe techniques to avoid anger. Anger is something very common.It could be caused due to failure, depression, anxiety oranything that is related to a person’s psychologically. In thisstate of mind a person can take drastic steps and might ruin hisor her life. This is something that needs to be controlled andsurely you can get help from many sources as there are number ofanger management techniques that a person can choose from. Butit is all up to you to choose the right anger managementtechnique for your cause; after all you want something that willwork for you. But for you to go ahead with your anger managementit is very necessary for you to realize that you are affectedwith it and seriously require help for this. This is possibleonly if you are prepared to overcome it.
Anger is something that every one of us experiences, it is justabout handling it. Some of us keep our anger to us until itexplodes one fine day or some of us just try and release it onpeople that are close to us such as spouse, children or a friendor at times colleagues or office employees. However, you had nointention of hurting someone you dearly love. But it was yourfrustration and stress that forced you to burst. Anger can leadto many problems for a person where he or she might go on tomurder someone just because he or she was angry and could notmanage anger. Managing anger is a serious concern or you mightland up in trouble. Many relationships are broken in this stateof mind where he or she might loose his/her head and takedecisions that will cause nothing but problems for them.
Hypnosis is something that can help you deal with your anger asanger is something that is related to mental state of mind.Hypnosis makes your mind alert and teaches it the righttechnique of dealing with anger. Your mind is taught a new wayof handling situations, instead of getting angry you will seethat you are looking ahead to what can be done to avoid theproblem or to solve the matter. So instead of getting angry youare actually looking for ways to counter it. Hypnosis allowsyour mind to relax and calm down, it allows your mind to stayaway from the daily stress that could lead to temper. Hypnosisis something that can be practised easily. You have to just getthe mp3 downloaded from the net and this will guide you to selfhypnotizing techniques. This mp3 contents are available for avery low cost. Once you have used this you are able to followthe anger management techniques. Before spoiling your life gethelp for your temper. So if you want any help regarding angeryou can go ahead and download mp3 content. This will come to youas a boon.
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Are Anger Management Exercises Any Use To You?

2009-01-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

Each of us has lost our temper at some time or the other, andnone of us fail to regret that anger, which seems uncontrollableat the time. Whether it’s a momentary loss of control or aintense, long-lasting surge of emotion, anger can be verydamaging – to relationships, at work and to yourself. It may notbe healthy to suppress it, but we can’t let it looseindiscriminately, either.
It is important to know how to handle anger. There are ways tocontrol, even channelize emotions, and in the case of anger,such methods are particularly well worth studying andimplementing. Here are some useful anger management exercises.
The most common method of easing anger is relaxation.Deliberately making yourself relax in a tense situation cansoothe rage and make things better. There are many relaxationtechniques, including deep breathing, repetition of a word ormantra, visualizing calming images, or slow exercise like yogaor tai-chi.
Another way is to replace angry thoughts with calm ones – thisis called cognitive restructuring and can be very useful inreducing anger. Try to be logical and aware that things can’t goyour way all the time.
When anger is because of specific circumstances, try to solvethe underlying problem, thus removing your reason for anger.Don’t give in to frustration though, if the solution is notreadily apparent, or non-existent – facing the situation coollywill calm you down, too.
Be careful about communication when you’re angry – think beforeyou speak, to avoid misunderstandings; and listen carefully tothe person you’re talking to without leaping to conclusions. Tryto hear what the person is really saying rather than gettingoffended by imagined slights.
Another anger management exercise is to train your mind toremember to maintain your sense of humor. It’s hard to be angryand amused at the same time, so look for the funny side ofthings – there’s usually one! This doesn’t mean you should laughoff problems; it’s just that humor gives perspective to the mostemotionally fraught situation and dissipates anger as nothingelse can.
Other anger management exercises include changing timings oryour surroundings to give ourselves a break from routinepressures, avoiding the situation till you are calmer, andfinding alternatives that will not cause anger.
Let’s look at some more anger management exercises. One methodof dealing with anger is to control it at three stages: beforeit happens (by understanding and preventing it throughrelaxation and other methods); during anger itself (bywithdrawing from the situation or looking at the lighter side ofit); and after anger (by making sure the anger is released anddissipated and by analyzing the reasons of your angercarefully). Sincere apology to those you may have hurt oroffended is an important component here.
Try this anger management exercise: ask yourself some questionswhich will help you understand and manage your anger. Does angersolve anything, really? Doesn’t it make situations worse? Whatis making you angry and how can you express it without hurtingother people? Is it possible for you to channelize your angerinto something productive?
When you are able to address these issues, you’ll find thestarting point of effective anger management.
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Dealing With Your Anger at Your Man

2009-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Let's talk about anger management. If you feel that anger deepdown in you, how do you deal with it? A lot of times you may sitand think about it. What I do to deal with my anger is to sitand think of ways on how to resolve it.
If we are angry at other people, we tend to lash at them rightthere and then, but when we are angry at people close to ourhearts we usually keep silent while thinking how to deal withthe situation. If you are angry at your husband, what do you do?You may talk endlessly without even thinking about the wordsthat come out of your mouth.
If you are used to doing that, you may probably realize by nowthat it didn't do you any good. No conflict was resolved and itprobably made matters worse. If you talk a lot when you'reangry, you tend to say things that you don't really mean, andyou end up hurting him more. Communication experts suggest thatin situations like this you communicate using the “I feel”sentences and not the “you did” sentences.
“I feel so angry” is an example of “I feel” sentences, and onthe other hand an example of a “you did” sentence is “You makeme angry.” See the difference?
So what do you then? Do you do nothing and keep it to yourself?You could find a way to deal with your anger through thefollowing thoughts:
1. Being angry is just a feeling.
You usually get angry when you feel pain. So treat anger as anemotion that you feel to help you deal with your pain. Inessence, anger an emotion that helps you feel better because youhave an avenue to express your feeling.
2. Your anger is yours and it does not belong to someone else,especially to the one that you are angry with.
Let's say that you're angry at your husband. You may think thatyou are angry with him, but the issue could be just because of amemory of your past relationships with men or even with yourparents.
But if you are really angry because of how your husband treatedyou and you got hurt, then don't tolerate it. Deal with it by:
3. Not just venting out your feelings but by sharing it.
You want to feel better, right? That's why you need to sharingyour feelings. Doing so would make you feel closer with yourhusband. You're respecting him enough by telling him about howyou feel instead of attacking him. It's okay to let himunderstand the gravity of your pain, but don't do it like youwould a confrontation.
These may be little ideas that are really simple. But it's thesimple things that grow. Rid yourself of those negative emotionsand you create for yourself more space for love and healing.
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Energetic Healing of My Own Anger

2009-01-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

In my years of doing Access Energy Transformation I have seenso many dramatic changes in my life of more ease in everything Ido, increased psychic abilities, greater charisma, personalpower that I had never believed that I had and a variety ofabilities that are too many to mention.
One part of my life was not progressing at the same way thatwas my resentments towards others. It seemed as much as I wascreating ease, joy and glory in my life an anger towards others,my past and worst, the people that I cared for the most wasalways working against my growth. It was one of those placesthat I could not resolve; therapy, inner exploration and thestandard access clearings seemed to not work. My resentments andmistrusts were always a monkey on my back that never fully wentaway.
My girlfriend who is very perceptive told me that there is adeep rage within me that I had yet to explore. She could feel itand it made her feel uncomfortable. I responded, “I’m not thatangry! Sure I have my resentments but that is not inner rage.Besides, I have gone into my childhood and I understood theabuses that occurred to me. I have come to peace with them.”
My girlfriend did not share my point of view. She was leavingfor two months to work in another country and asked that Iexplore those hidden places within me. Respectfully I began tolook into that process.
A friend gave me some good advice about anger, “Allow it, anddon’t judge it, experience it and it will go.” It was a goodstart but there was more that I needed.
A few days later is was listening to an Access CD by GaryDouglas on the topic of Anger. As usual Gary said something thatwas profoundly what I needed to hear. He said, “I would keeppushing into the barriers and open up my woundedness,experiencing the intensity that most would label as pain. Eachtime I did and allowed it to be I found within me a greaterpower and a bigger being.”
In an instant I knew that was what I needed to know. With thatnugget of knowledge I embarked on a fearless journey within me.I was beginning a nine-day spring break holiday and since mygirlfriend was gone I would have a lot of time to myself.
Whenever a resentment, anger or a heavy feeling would pop intomy mind I would stop and ask a question, “What is this about?”Then I would sit and wait. The energy of the anger would appearmuch like Gary described. I would feel the intensity of theexperience and most of the time the memories of the past wouldcome to mind. Instead of judging it I would feel it as fully aspossible and embrace the experience.
After a while I would ask, “Is there a deeper origin to thisanger and where is the source of that?” I would wait again.Generally a new intensity of energy would appear and afterwaiting I would get the information of what happened to createit. It appeared that my body wanted me to release this and wasdoing whatever it took to guide my awareness to it. When Ireleased the anger my body always felt better, more vibrant. Theolder suppressed anger was generally more intense but I used thesame strategy of allowing it to be. Then after I perceived thatI had experienced all of it I would begin doing Access clearingson the repressed energetic experiences.
After I did the clearings I would experience a huge releasethat felt great. In a few days I found that suddenly I washaving hardly any resentments. I also found that my mistrustingfeelings towards others were diminishing as well. I was justhappy and content. What I discovered that almost all of myday-to-day frustrations had an origin from the past and reallyhad little to do with my present day challenges. It felt likenothing really bothered me anymore or for least very long.
It was amazing experiencing my traumas that I had feared all ofmy life. I had created so many internal messages to avoid fromthese ‘bad’ memories and repressed them even more. What I hadlearned is that these memories became an energetic implant thatmanipulated me to draw in more fears, dramas and anger as a wayto reenenergize the older pain. When they cleared it felt like aremoving the bottom blocks of a pyramid my limitations werecrashing down all around me.
Within a few days my body was feeling completely different. Itwas light like an inner space had opened. When I did meditationsor communing with nature it felt as if I was truly a part of theforest or the universe it self. A cosmos was happening withinme, I began to know what the god source within was like for me. The suppressed angers were like energetic boulders that cut offmy receiving to this infinite reality and probably much more.Now I can access this expanded self any time I choose to be it.
As I work with others using these tools I see radically dynamicresults. Access had always worked in big ways but clearing thesuppressed anger got to the core of so many issues with people. They happily reported stories of how much happier and expandedtheir lives were. I delighted in their accomplishments.
Interestingly my business immediately picked up to a new level.Suddenly people began to come to see me out of nowhere. The biginner space of me was pulling them in. My life has been growingin a wonderful way with less effort, with more joy andabundance.
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Anger in Children: When is it a Problem?

2009-01-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

Anger is a normal emotion that every happy healthy adult andchild has to deal with from time to time. When does expressinganger become a problem? Children go through different stageswith their age that affect the way they deal with anger. Angeris usually not a root emotion, but a term that may coverfeelings ranging from embarrassment, frustration, loneliness toguilt. A newborn baby expresses their "anger" or frustrationover being hungry, tired or uncomfortable by screaming andcrying. A two-year-old may throw tantrums that include rollingaround on the floor or trying to hit the parent, sibling or eventheir pet. As a child gets older, hopefully proper responses toanger have been modeled for them and they can learn to expresstheir anger more appropriately.
Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressivebehavior, gets out of control and when the root cause of theproblem isn't being dealt with. For instance, often childrenwith undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angryoutbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they arestruggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing inon them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren't tryinghard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn't able todeal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidentsthat would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoidfeeling "stupid" or incapable. Once the problem is discoveredand the child gets the help, support and proper discipline thatis needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappearaltogether.
It is important that children learn how to express theiremotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child shouldnever be told that their feelings are wrong, though they mayneed reminding if their behavior is wrong. For instance youmight say, "Johnny, I understand that you are angry about yourbrother breaking your toy, that wasn't fair, but it is not okayto hit when you are angry." The child needs to know that hisfeelings are validated and should also be given some ideas abouthow to handle the situation better the next time they are in asimilar position.
Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, includingchildren. Good communication and modeling good behavior are twoof the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger.Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she doesanything that is positive can also help them understand what itexpected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the timeto check yourself to see if you spend too much time beingnegative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If theparents in the home aren't dealing with anger appropriately,they can't expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you arewrong and apologize to your child, teaching them to do the same.If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, itmay be time to get some additional help and guidance.

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Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

2009-01-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run

Dealing with “anger”

2009-01-18T06:19:00.001-08:00

Anger represents a powerful emotion. It can be very destructive for your health and those you love. The erratically anger may lead you to dispute, physical abuse or self-hurting. On the other hand, if you manage how to control your anger it can be a useful emotion and you can use it to make positive changes.

Physical effects
Anger represents the answer to organism for fight. Similar effect can produce and other emotions like fear, sensation etc. What happens to your body then? You body lack then a lot of pressure hormones like adrenalin and cortisone. As result to this, blood moves to muscles like preparation for physical activity. Your heartbeats are increasing, blood pressure is increasing, and the numbers of respirations and body-temperature, skin perspire. Brain become intensive and focused.

Health problems than can evolve as consequence of uncontrolled anger
Constant flooding with fraught chemical material is connected with metabolism breaking which at the end of all it can be very destructive for some systems in our organism. Some of health problems connected with the anger:
• Headache
• Bellyache
• Insomnia
• Tension
• Increased blood pressure
• Problems with skin
• Heart attack
• Apoplexy

Unwanted ways for expressing anger
Many people are expressing their anger to very irresponsible and potentially dangerous way, like:
• Explosive anger – Some people have such a small control and tendencies for erupting. This can lead to physical attack and violence. The person, who doesn’t control his anger, can isolate itself from its family and its friends. Some people who manifest this kind of drive out, actually posses’ small fell for self-respect and they are using their anger to make illusion for feeling powerful.
• Suppressing the anger – Some people think that anger is unwanted emotion and they choose to suppress it. Suppressed anger often evolve to depression and anxious. Some people, their anger are expressing to innocent victims like children’s or pets.

How to express the anger on a healthy way?

These next suggestions can be useful:
• If you feel that you cannot control yourself, temporary leave the situation and wait until you comedown.
• Accept the emotion as a normal part of your life.
• Try to identify the real reasons why you feel angry.
• As one as you identify where is the problem, think about the strategy for solving the situation.
• Do something physically, go out, run or do some exercising.

Longterm menaging with anger condition

The way of expressing anger can be modifite thruthtime.This is a list of suggestions who can help you.
• Think about the technik of selfcontrol and solving conflicts
• Thry the tehnics for relaxation,like yoga and meditation
• Assk help of psihologist,if still filing anger about events happened in the past
• Exercise regularly.It’s proved that regular exercising can inprove the state of mind and to reduse anger.The effect can be double:fisical activitys burned the stressful hemical substance and helps in production of hormones of good mental health.

How to raising kids and mental development of persons who can ménage anger

This is a list of suggestions who can help you:
• Threat the fillings of yoyr kids with respect
• Give him the knowledge for solving anger issues
• Provoke hownest communication
• Explain the difference between anger and aggression
• Punish aggression,but not anger which is adequatelu express
• Give him,your own example.let him knew that the anger is natural,and it must to be expresst

Where to look for an advice
• Your doctor
• Your psihologist

The Triggers Of Anger

2009-01-18T06:13:00.001-08:00

Triggers are what interrupts emotions and causes us to become
angry. When we learn our triggers, we are taking a step in the
right direction to control our emotions. First, we need to weed
through the roots of anger to determine the problem. If you have
obsessive anger, outbursts you might want to get a physical to
eliminate chemical or physical roots of your anger.
Next, you will go to a mental health expert to eliminate mental
illnesses that are often the root of anger. After you have done
step one and two and the problem does not lie between mental
illness and physical then you will need to attend anger
management classes. Obviously, you have no control over your
emotions; therefore, you will need to learn techniques that help
you to cope better with your fears, frustrations, anxiety,
depression and emotions. This will help you to move ahead in
life and gain control of your anger.
You might want to ask your self what you are afraid of or what
are the triggers of your anger? You might review the thoughts
carefully to see if you anger is justifiable. Are you afraid to
speak up and protect your rights? Is there something in your
past that leads you to worry obsessively and enforce your anger?
Maybe you were a victim of some incident in your past or you
witnessed something that disturbed your conscious and you
rambled through life without dealing with the stressor.
Regardless, you are affected somehow and your emotions are not
cooperating with your thoughts. Some of us fret over things that
are out of our control. For example, many of worry about growing
old or dying, which is not in our hands to worry about? We all
are growing older each day and it is a part of life that is out
of our control. Likewise, we are all at risk of dying. It is how
you deal with that makes or breaks your success. Accepting that
you are growing old is the first step to eliminating worry that
leads to anger.
Take the fear and reverse by telling your self that age is a
factor of life that we all must face, yet I have some control.
If I exercise, eat right, and take care of my skin then I may
not look in the mirror when I am sixty and see an extremely
wrinkled face and sagging skin. Likewise, if you know that you
are dying and cannot do nothing about it, remember the more you
take care of your mind and body the longer you will live.
Some of us worry about tomorrow and how we will manage to
survive the next day. If you worry about tomorrow, you are
missing what today can bring. No one has control of tomorrow and
to worry about something that is out of our hands is wasting
time and energy. If you have problems with worry, you might want
to remember that today is another day and thank the Lord that
you are breathing.
Worry is a form of selfishness, since you are anticipating a
problem that may or may not occur. Some of us fear that we will
go insane if our problems continue to escalate. This fear is not
justifiable because you cannot predict your mind. Your mind may
feel at wits ends, but you have control to handle your emotions
if you reach inside your self and face your fears. Now we can
review triggers by seeing that unjust and justifiable triggers
are linked to emotions, which causes anger.
We might find that we are responsible for our emotions and
failed to take charge of them, allowing them to rule our lives.
We might even find a source in the past that invoked our
emotions and promoted an undeveloped mind. When you find your
triggers and review your problems, you are taking charge of your
anger and your life will prove fruitful for your efforts.
Triggers are objects, words, pictures, sound, taste, smell and
when a person is triggered to anger, they often react either
positively or negatively to the source.

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Do You Need Anger Management?

2009-01-18T06:06:00.000-08:00

Anger management is not just for crazed maniacs or disgruntled
executives. Learning how to manage minor and major irritations
is something everyone needs to do. You may want to start by
obtaining general anger management information and progress to
enrolling in an anger management class. But first you need to
recognize classic symptoms of uncontrolled rage that will alert
you to the need for anger management.
Everyone loses their temper at times. There is no shame
attached to getting upset when the dog has an accident on a
freshly scrubbed carpet or a subordinate fails to complete a
needed report for your one p.m. meeting. But if you find that
you react in extreme ways, it may be time to consider anger
management.
Anger Management - When Anger Turns to Danger
Do you raise your voice when things don’t go your way? Some
people who are normally mild-mannered turn into yellers or
screamers during a conflict. It can happen suddenly, where one
moment you are self-controlled and soft-spoken, but the next
finds your voice several octaves higher and many decibels
louder. Your vocal tone and pitch, along with the words that
come out of your mouth provide key indicators of whether you are
a prime candidate for anger management.
Another symptom category to keep in mind when monitoring your
mood is body language. Your fists may clench, your jaws tighten,
and your muscles become tense as your ire begins to build. The
next time this happens at home, head for the nearest mirror and
study your profile. You may see things like bulging eyes, a
frowning face, and a frozen posture. Conversely, serpent-like
eyes and a frozen expression, coupled with a pale complexion,
may suggest the need for anger management assistance.
Looking beyond the physical, it is also a good idea to seek
others’ opinions about whether your temperament might benefit
from anger management training. Some may suggest anger
management exercises you can do on your own at home, perhaps
while engaged in meditation. Others might advocate anger
management counseling with a licensed, professional therapist,
or anger management classes that you can work into your
schedule.
You also may want to consider the consequences of any potential
anger management problems you might have. For example, have you
ever been written up at work for a problem stemming from your
failure to practice anger management? Has your anger impacted a
serious relationship in a negative way, whether it is with a
spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or romantic interest?
Has a family member or friend suggested that you need the help
of anger management?
Anger is a healthy emotion that enables us to express
dissatisfaction or disappointment with something in our lives.
But when it becomes out of control, this personal irritation
needs to be trained to remain behind wholesome boundaries.

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When Anger Costs Too Much

2009-01-18T06:05:00.000-08:00

Men are like steel: when they lose their temper, they lose
their worth.
Chuck Norris
Anger makes dull men witty, and it keeps them poor.
Attributed to Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603)
Anger, Rage and violence be distruptive to any work enviroment.
Agression in the work place not only effective the chemistry of
your company it can effect the bottomline.
Kenneth is a Vice President at a major music record company
here in Los Angeles. He makes over $100, 000 a year and has
worked with some of today’s top R&B and Rap artists. Kenneth was
raised in New York City and developed a unique style in dealing
with conflict.
The record label’s human resource division made special
arrangements for Kenneth to receive private Executive Anger
Management coaching. You see, it would appear that Kenneth was
involved in a conflict with another employee in his office.
Accompanied by his driver/bodyguard, Kenneth reluctantly entered
my office. He was obviously in no mood to participate in twelve
sessions of Anger Management education.
As the hours progressed he slowly began to open up. He admitted
that he had threatened the life of an entry- level employee in
the building. According to Kenneth this employee blatantly stole
some items out of his office.
Where Kenneth came from, it was only natural for him to respond
to a threat with a threat. It was a matter of respect of course,
but Kenneth failed to realize that he was no longer on the
streets of New York City. He had entered the corporate world of
worker’s comp claims, administrative leaves and lawsuits.
Consequently, Kenneth was suspended with out pay from his job
and forced to take Anger Management classes. Towards the end of
the class Kenneth was fully aware that he had to change the way
he dealt with his anger. His current way just cost too much.

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Let Your Anger Work For You

2009-01-18T06:04:00.000-08:00

German theologian Martin Luther once said, “I never work better
than when I am inspired by anger; when I am angry, I can write,
pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is
quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations
and temptations depart.”
Anger is powerful stuff, all right!
Think about the last time you got really angry about something.
Didn’t you feel an unequalled strength within yourself?
Weren’t you filled with fire and passion and ready to take
action?
While anger is often used in a destructive way, you can also
learn to use anger to motivate yourself to higher and higher
achievements.
How do you do this? First, you obviously need to get angry
about the right things, and then you need to direct that anger
in the right direction.
Look at your life the way it is right now. Are you satisfied
with your career path, your financial situation, the state of
your relationships, and the state of your health? If not, get
mad about it! Let yourself get angry about your bad habits,
your tendency to procrastinate, and the many missed
opportunities your behavior has caused. Get mad about your
inability to get and stay motivated long enough to make positive
changes. Get mad about ignoring the problem until it became a
chronic condition!
As Martin Luther described above, let your anger clear all
confusion and mundane thoughts from your mind. Let it focus
your thoughts to a laser point, and then turn that point onto
any situation in your life that displeases you.
Use your anger to propel you into action. Decide that you’re
“mad as hell” and you’re not going to take it any longer! Let
your anger serve as a fire under your rear end to propel you
into doing that which must be done to change your life once and
for all.
Go on a rampage and clear out your bad habits. Eliminate your
unproductive tendencies and replace them with empowering ones.
Evaluate every aspect of your life carefully, and be willing to
let go of anything that isn’t working for you.
If done correctly, this works like a charm.
Once you can reach a point of intolerance about your existing
circumstances, you will find yourself feeling really angry, and
really ready to make changes. THAT is the moment when you hold
a powerful force for change right in the palm of your hand.
Just remember to get angry about the situations and habits that
detract from who you want to be, and be sure to direct your
anger in constructive ways.
You may not be able to change everything overnight, but you can
at least take the first steps today and then keep up with the
process over time. You’ll also probably have to keep rekindling
your anger from time to time because it tends to be short lived,
but this is a good thing because it allows you to use it in a
very precise and focused way.

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How Anger Management Classes Can Help Yo

2009-01-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Has someone suggested that you need anger management classes?
The comment may have irritated or worried you, but it is likely
the friend or relative has your best interests in mind and wants
to spare you grief from unrestrained anger outbursts. Enrolling
in anger management classes is no disgrace. In fact, it may be
the best thing you could do for yourself. Consider some of the
benefits of anger management classes.
Advantages of Anger Management Classes
There are many good reasons to sign up for anger management
classes in your area. Find out if any are currently offered and
contact the organization for details. If none are available,
contact a local social service agency or support group location,
like a hospital or church, to suggest that anger management
classes be offered. Here are some of the most obvious and useful
types of support you may be able to receive:
1. Anger management activities. A competent therapist will
teach you a variety of strategies for incorporating anger
management into your lifestyle. Rather than letting irritations
build into irrational rages, you can learn to practice several
types of anger management control that will help you ward off
overpowering emotions that threaten to destroy your well being
by taking specific steps before your anger grows to dangerous
heights.
2. Anger management groups. Your therapist, counselor,
instructor, or group leader may organize participants in the
anger management classes into small groups. In this arrangement,
you can exchange information about the sources of your anger,
your particular triggers, and your strategies to date for coping
with this overwhelming emotion and the fallout from anger
overuse. Learning to interact with others who are struggling
with this emotionally debilitating condition, you will come to
recognize and appreciate common routes to anger management that
are used by many people.
3. Anger management training. Upon enrolling in anger
management classes, you will begin to learn more about both the
good and the bad emotional uses for anger. You will begin to
identify triggers for your emotions, and learn how to redirect
inappropriate anger toward suitable targets. Anger management
strategies, along with anger management exercises, will be
explained so that you can begin using these in your daily
schedule. As you begin to benefit from the results of this
training, you will probably wish your anger management classes
would last longer.
4. Anger management treatment. A trained facilitator who has
completed a certain number of volunteer hours involving
educational preparation may conduct anger management classes. Or
a licensed social worker, therapist, psychologist, or counselor
may coordinate your anger management classes. You may want to
check the credentials of your class leader to be sure that he or
she has the experience and the qualifications to steer you in
the right direction.
While anger management classes can provide plenty of help in
addressing this important part of your personality and
character, you may find it helpful to look at additional sources
of information, including websites like
anger-management-information.com, which offers assistance in
several related areas.

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Are You Addicted To Anger?

2009-01-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control.
His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as
well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into
violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt.
Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become
enraged, so the threat was always there.
Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in
charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his
siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While
some part of Michael didn’t want to be like his parents, this
was all he knew.
As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his
wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t
get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.
“Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful
feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?”
I asked.
“I don’t know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the
anger.”
“What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your
parents were angry and violent with you?”
“I guess I felt pretty much alone.”
“You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also
helpless over what was happening.”
“Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and
helpless. It was so scary. I couldn’t wait to get bigger so I
wouldn’t feel so helpless.”
“What triggers that helpless feeling now?”
“Humm…I guess it’s when my wife and kids don’t do what I want
them to do or what I think they should do.”
“So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them,
which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you
avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them
with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?”
“I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel
helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It’s an awful feeling.
“Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless over your
parents brutality, and you were also helpless over yourself in
many ways. You couldn’t just leave and go live with someone
else. You couldn’t walk away without further punishment.
However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you
are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a
situation that doesn’t feel good, or you can speak up for
yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family.
You didn’t have any of these options as a child. But unless you
accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control
them, and anger is the way you’ve learned to do it. Anger is
your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect
against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be
angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what
they choose to do and who they choose to be.”
Helplessness over others is a very hard feeling to accept. For
many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as
infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would
die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt
helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over
others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling
can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to
avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer
helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness
over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major
way many people have learned to attempt to control.
It took Michael time to learn how to take care of himself - how
to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore
them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving
care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more
accepting of other’s feelings and needs. As a result of
accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage
his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually
diminished.
In the course of working with me, Michael learned to access a
personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so
alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael
found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he
was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could
manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far
more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.

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Anger And Rejections

2009-01-18T05:59:00.001-08:00

Rejections are normal and we all are told no on many occasions.
Some persons have difficulty handling rejections and may react
hastily to the other person involved. If you walk in a bank and
apply for a loan and are rejected you might stomp out the door
shouting obscene talk to the lenders. This is not an appropriate
way to handle the situation.
This in fact can get you in trouble and it is obvious that
rejections are triggers to your emotions that enforce your
anger. Now that you see this is a trigger you will need to learn
how to cope with your anger and emotions. We can start with the
technique to work through your anger by reducing your stress. If
you are a spontaneous person then you will need to learn how to
cut back on stressors. If you feel pressured in the morning
before going to work, try picking out the clothes you will wear
for that day the following evening.
This will provide you an extra few minutes during the morning
to prepare for work. If you are running like a mad person to
meet classes, then you might want to set up a schedule for your
self that includes time management. This can help you learn to
prepare ahead and stay on top of things without rushing. Instead
of roaming thoughts through your head about what you, need to do
each day, try handling one task at a time.
This works wonders once you practice and continue with your
strategy. When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths
before you speak. You may also want to practice exercising since
this burns energy and often reduces your chances of exploding
when your emotions are threatened. If you cannot handle
rejections, coach your mind to believe that the person is not
centering you out. Repeat over in your mind that no is a
positive in many cases.
For example, if you are married, you enjoy going to the bar to
chat with your friends, and your husband does not want you to
go, and then think why he said no? Obviously, your husband cares
about you since he knows that danger is potentially high at
bars. He does not want you to get hurt therefore, he is saying
no in your best interest. If the bank turns you down on a loan
there is a legit reason. Maybe your credit report needs some
repairing, or maybe they felt you income would not cover the
loan amount.
Therefore, you best interest was at heart again. We all hear no
throughout our lifetime and most times, it is for the best
reasons. If you apply for a job and are turned down, it might be
in your best interest, since the employers felt that your skills
were not on the level that the job required of you.
Alternatively, you may be over qualified for the job and when
you are rejected, the employers are merely saying we do not have
the cash to pay you for what you are worth. Thinking positive is
always great for managing anger.
If you are prompt to explode when your emotions are interrupted
then it is difficulty to manage your life. If you are angry most
likely, all areas of your life seem like an uphill travel. When
you gain control this often benefits everyone, including your
self. Your life starts to improve and your mind is thanking you
for removing stress from its cavity. If you are prone to beat
your self up when rejections come your way, you might want to
find a positive side of your being and enforce it in your mind
repeatedly.
Practice makes perfect and this is a great way to train your
mind so that you gain control of your mind and anger. If you are
frustrated easily, it is probably because you do not take time
out of a day for your self to relax. There is nothing wrong with
relaxing. Therefore you can sit down for 30 minutes each day and
yoga or think of nothing at all. Finally, we are closing so I
wanted to let you know that once you practice the strategies for
dealing with anger, pat your self on the back each time you make
effort and achieve.

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What Causes Anger?

2009-01-18T05:58:00.001-08:00

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of
grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a
person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to
several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from
others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving
ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination
of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (“It has to
be done my way”) and a low frustration point (“It’s my way or no
way”). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a
external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions
on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that
the reason they are angry is because of their irrational
perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception
and expectation of the world that they live in and when that
reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become
angry.
It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy.
Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that
protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by
others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation
needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we
love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take
over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes
destructive.
Why We Need to Control Anger
Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug—-a
person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize,
comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts
logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think
clearly and your emotions take control of your actions.
Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight
response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and
releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our
strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two
things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options
facilitates a good negotiation.
Internal Sources of Anger
Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational
perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types
of thinking that contribute to anger.
1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally
misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as
being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who
use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something
innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as
an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to
dysfunctional anger in the long run.
2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have
experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low.
Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for
frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to
our well-being or threats to our ego.
3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they
see things as how they should be and not as they really are.
This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have
unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or
for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner.
When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration,
and eventually depression set in.
4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of
thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone
else. By rating someone as a “bitch” or a “bastard,” it
dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at
the person.
External Sources Of Anger
There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can
make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating
situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general
events.
1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side
attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.
2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our
ideas, opinions, and options.
3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take
away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e.
“I’ll make sure you’ll never work in this city again.”
4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things
done might be low or affected by any number of environmental
factors in our lives.
Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance
1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our
tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so
many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.
2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration
tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of
our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or
anyone else.
3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain
processes information and can make a person more irritable or
bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger
anger.
4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called
“having a bad day.” It’s the little irritations that add up
during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for
frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle,
spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck
in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.
Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger
By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune
ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure
that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are
some symptoms of anger:
1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and
neck.
2. Teeth grinding
3. Breathing rate increases dramatically
4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an
increase in blood pressure
5. Face turns pale
6. Sweating
7. Feeling hot or cold
8. Shaking in the hands
9. Goosebumps
10. Heart rate increases
11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of
power.
Am I Right to be Angry?
Damn right you are. You have your own perception and
expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality
that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you
have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike,
then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are
going to run into situations that you don’t enjoy. You are going
to run into people who don’t respect your views and ideas. The
feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs
and so don’t repress or deny those feelings.
Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the
right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You
can’t change the views of other people to conform to your own
because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their
view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your
anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.
Key Points
Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the
influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and
thinking logically.
Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of
reality and a low frustration point.
Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be
angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a
negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you
lose the agreement.

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Get Rid Of Anger

2009-01-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

You tend to have sudden outbursts, be violent, over- react over
petty things and generally be angry most of the time. You may
not be aware but you might actually have anger management
issues.
We act and communicate our anger differently. This emotion is
usually triggered by something that does not confine with what
we think is right and pleasing. It is something unpredictable.
When something in our environment irritates us, the mind tells
the body to react in a certain way.
People have different levels of tolerance. Some tend to be more
capable of containing their feelings or express their anger more
constructively than others. There are some who have rather poor
ability of releasing their anger. These are individuals who have
control issues over their emotions.
For people with this problem, they have the tendency to act
with such intensity that they hurt themselves and others. They
are often overwhelmed with the need to be with such aggression
in releasing their anger. Violent tendency comes naturally when
a certain environment appears to be provoking them. It is okay
to be angry as long as you can handle it well, as long as it
does not become destructive. After all, we are human beings. But
when it actually creates a problem, then we should come up with
ways to manage our anger.
There are several forms of anger management. The most common
form is through relaxation. This is through doing away with
intense emotions and letting yourself be in an environment where
you could least likely be angry. It could be through unwinding,
being involved in physical activities that prove soothing for
you such as yoga or meditation. It could also be just by letting
go of any negative feeling within you.
For more complex conditions such as when anger already causes
psychological problems among others, a more scientific approach
could be used. This is through seeking professional help. Visits
to the psychiatrist are always kept confidential as how other
forms of medical assistance are handled. But it can be costly
and treatment can last for long periods of time.
On the other hand, hypnotherapy will also assure you of
privacy. In addition, you will not be required to take any
medication and results can be observed in one to five sessions,
depending on your anger management issues.
More than anything, you need to be determined to change. This
includes acknowledging that you have a problem, being willing to
understand yourself and loving yourself enough to do away with
negative feelings.

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Dealing With Anger In Your Marriage

2009-01-18T05:55:00.001-08:00

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while
you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
At some point, everyone gets angry at their spouse. It could be
over something minor like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste,
or something on a larger scale like disrespecting you in front
of other people. The anger itself is not a sin...it's what you
then do with it and how you respond to it that can potentially
be classified as sin.
How are you dealing with your anger in your marriage?
There are different ways that people typically deal with anger.
Many people internalize their feelings of anger. In trying to
avoid dealing with it, unforgiveness and bitterness take root,
gradually poisoning their marriage. Turning it inward doesn't
deal with the anger; instead it's allowed to build up over time.
Others externalize it. They turn their anger outward, towards
their spouse, kids, or anyone else who gets in their line of
fire. They let their feelings lead them to hurt others, either
verbally or physically. Many of these people profess that they
just "couldn't control themselves." This is a person that's
controlled by their emotions, instead of being in control of
their emotions. These people will continue to physically or
verbally abuse their spouses or kids as long as they can get
away with it.
Now, take that same "out of control" person and put them up
next to a 300 pound linebacker. Do you think they would control
themselves enough to keep from slapping that linebacker around?
Oh yeah, because they know they couldn't get away with
that...not without some pretty hefty consequences.
We should never let our feelings of anger cause us to get "out
of control."
So what are some ways to deal with anger in marriage?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and
slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
1) Admit to yourself and God that you are angry. There's no
reason for denying it. Plus, as you get it out in the open,
you'll be better prepared to deal with it.
2) Don't yield to your feelings. If you think you may say or do
something that you'll regret, walk away from the situation until
you have control over your emotions. Take a deep breath to bring
your physical reactions to anger under control. Realize that YOU
are totally responsible for your own actions.
3) Whether the wrong committed against you was real or
perceived, intentional or accidental, bring the offense to God
and forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is not for the other
person, it's for you. As you get in the habit of actually
forgiving your spouse, your anger will lead you into sin less
often.
4) Don't give the devil a foothold by dwelling on the offense.
If you've forgiven your husband or wife, quit replaying the
situation over in your mind. Otherwise, not only will you cause
those angry feelings to come back, but you will give the devil
the opportunity to add fuel to the fire by telling you how evil
your spouse is. This will only serve to send you back to square
one, negating any progress you've made.
If you've let your anger lead you into sin in the past, ask God
to forgive you and let it go. You can't control what you've done
in the past, but you can control what you do now and in the
future. Start preparing now for the next time you get angry,
because the time will come again when you'll need to deal with
it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you control yourself and diffuse
the anger without sinning. And remember Luke 1:37 "For nothing
is impossible with God."

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Try These Anger Management Techniques

2009-01-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing?
Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing
on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks
you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were
planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management
techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or
external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in
your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your
withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies
show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer
more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it
in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to
learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper
unnecessarily again.
Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain
When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger
management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before
taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about
the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the
other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances
around to see how you would want to be treated if the other
person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you
regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and
cause external damage.
You also can try traditional anger management techniques to
soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten,
before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or
hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may
provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before
tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to
think about the best approach to a problem rather than
responding with random anger.
Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off
In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to
rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick
walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at
home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or
ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help
to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight
strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the
more popular and useful anger management techniques.
Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a
diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of
your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show
that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood
pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can
damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations
with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more
anger management techniques used by thousands.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and
other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like
anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for
more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your
breast.

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Anger Management Hypnotism

2009-01-18T05:48:00.000-08:00

Anger is one of the most intense of all emotions. It could be
described as a strong negative feeling usually caused by our
bodily responses to a certain condition. It arises as we are
affected by what is presented to us. Anger is usually manifested
and expressed in different ways.
Reasons for experiencing anger are unique and diverse. You may
be caused to react over even simple things in a certain way. The
problem is when you express your anger in a way that is
destructive to you as well as your surroundings. This creates a
concern on handling such feeling; on ways of venting out your
anger effectively. Such strong demonstration requires anger
management.
Anger management is an effort to address your feelings in a
more constructive way. You will be presented with several
“stimulants” known to be the usual triggering factor for human
beings. Your reactions will then be analyzed for you to be able
to work on them. The crucial and important aspect is when you
are able to gain control over your anger. As the term implies,
you are learning to manage your emotion in a way that it does
not cause any form of harm or destruction.
Experiencing anger is not bad as it is a natural emotion as
human beings. It is something that could normally occur.
However, you must always encourage your self to do away with it.
Probable causes cannot be accurately classified. It is only
known that feeling angry is triggered by situations and people
presented to us; usually by things that are not of your liking.
It could be a person, a particular event, a petty thing among
other things that trigger you to be irate.
To address this intense emotion, you could find healthy means
of expressing it. This may be through relaxation – freeing
yourself of things that stress you. You could also manage your
anger through constantly trying to remain calm when encountering
your tendencies to be angry. It is also important that you are
aware of your condition and accept that you tend to be often
angry.
With this, you could take concrete step in correcting it. A way
on achieving this is seeking professional help. But instead of
going to psychiatrists, whose services can be costly, you should
try Hypnotherapy. It is considered to be a very effective way to
address problems like anger management.

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The Biggest Lie: "I'm Just Being Honest" And Other Disguises For Anger And Resentment

2009-01-18T05:46:00.000-08:00

"The truth is, red is not your color. No, of course I’m nottrying to hurt your feelings…you want me to be honest don’tyou?"When you are recipient of this kind of honesty you have to asksome questions: Is this person having a bad day? Is this just aninstance of poor social skills or low self-esteem? Is this acase of competition or is it just payback time?Several emotions and behaviors come disguised as honesty:Anger, revenge, justification, judgment, and low self-esteem.When someone justifies his or her honesty there is probably someconflicting intention behind it. How do you read between thelines? Here are some of the warning signs that reveal anothertruth: Honesty justified is a half-truth.I just have to be honest…"I just have to be honest," is a warning sign that you havemight have been deceived. It happens in personalrelationships when the intentions are contradictory. Forexample, "I just have to be honest, I never really cared foropera in the first place." In the ears of the listener thehidden truth is this: "I have lied to you, led you on andpretended to enjoy opera in order to please you and win yourapproval, but now that you are hooked, I’m ready to get real."Until you are aware of these conflicting intentions you createpatterns of discord. Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul saysthat we are unable choose our intentions consciously until weare conscious of each of the different aspects of ourselves. "Ifyou are not conscious of each part of yourself you will have theexperience of wanting to say, or to intend, one thing, and findyourself saying or intending something else. You will desire torelease a painful pattern from your experience, and see itreappear yet again."Few people are self aware enough to be honest. Honesty isuncomfortable. It means honoring feelings and examiningintentions. Anger is often cloaked in honesty with the hiddenintention of revenge: "Well it’s the truth!""I don’t enjoy going to the opera with you anyway.You don’tknow how to dress, your manners are boorish, and it’s obviousyou are outclassed. Well…it’s the truth!" Have you ever noticedthat "well, it’s the truth," is always said after delivering aslam?Anger disguised as honesty reveals hidden judgments, i.e. Ihave overlooked so many flaws including your lack of class, yourwhite socks and high water pants. It hacks me off that youdidn’t recognize my superiority.You may not be consciously aware of your intentions of revenge,i.e. you have hurt my feelings and now I want to hurt yours. Nowonder we all believe the old adage, "the truth hurts."Neil Donald Walsh, in his book Conversations With God, says,"Feelings are neither negative nor destructive. They are simplytruths. How you express your truth is what matters."Harriet Learner, in her book The Dance of Deception, says,"Much of what we call telling the truth, involves anunproductive effort to change, convince or convert anotherperson rather than an attempt to clarify our own selves." Thistells me that truth is about representing ourselves and notplacing demands and judgments on others.Well, to be honest…The other honesty issues happen in business. On a follow upcall you hear; "Well to be honest…" (The writing is on the wallwhen a prospect begins a sentence with that phrase.) Decisionmakers pretend they are interested in a product or service thatthey have no intention of buying, yet instead of speaking thetruth up front, they pass out false hope and waste the time ofthe persistent sales person.However, persistence facilitates truth telling. When someonesays, "Well to be honest," what they really mean is this: "Ihave pretended to be interested in your product or service, andeven though I am the decision maker, I didn’t have the backboneto say bug-off. It seemed easier to lead you on, than to admitthat I wasn’t interested. It was my intention that myprocrastination would wear you down, but in reality, yourpersistence forced me to be honest."You come to the conclusion that honesty is not only a heartbreaker but also a time-waster. And yet the only way to seethrough the deception is to become more honest yourself.Now is the moment to ask some life-changing questions:• Do I lead people on because it’s easier than being honest?• Do I use honesty as an excuse to express anger?• Do I understand my intentions when I express my honesty?• What other truths are unspoken in my honesty?Depok Chopra says, "pain isn’t the truth, it’s what mortals gothrough to find the truth."If we honor our feelings and examine our intentions beforeexpressing our truth, our honesty will be softer, kinder andwill be the kind of truth that sets us free.AAGEKSBPTHQM
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Transforming Anger

2009-01-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

All of us feel anger and hatred from time to time. Eastern
meditation and mindfulness techniques can help us mange and
transform our anger so that the energy contained in the anger
benefits us instead of spreading misery in others and ourselves.
It is important to note that although anger causes us pain we
should not reject it or disown it. Suppose your stomach or legs
or some other part of your body grew diseased and caused you
pain. Would you for that reason try to get rid of your stomach
or your legs? Of course you would not. Anger can be transformed
and the energy contained in it can be of much use to us. The
story is told of Angulimala - a famous dacoit who had murdered
999 people. Yet a meeting with the Buddha changed him and
transformed the anger within him. If a legendary dacoit can
transform his anger then surely so can we.
Think of your anger, as a farmer would regard organic
fertilizer. A farmer with garbage and organic waste knows that
he can use it to grow nutritious fruits and vegetables. So also
we can use the anger within us to grow spiritually and become
awakened.
We can care for and transform our anger the way a mother cares
for here baby - by practicing mindfulness whenever we are angry.
The effect mindfulness has on anger can be compared with the way
flowers respond to sunlight. At sunrise the rays from the sun
reach the flower. The photons contained in the sunrays penetrate
the flower. After 15 to 20 minutes the flower can no longer
resist and she opens herself to the sunrays.
In a similar manner we need to practice mindfulness at all
times and especially when we are angry. Observe the breath
entering or leaving the body when you are angry. At the same
time observe the anger within you without judging or condemning
or rejecting it in any way. After some minutes the anger will
open itself to you and fade away. The cause of the anger will be
revealed and the energy contained in the anger will be available
for your use.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese poet and Zen Buddhist master,
says that we need to care for our anger the way a mother cares
for her newborn baby. The mother may be cooking in the kitchen
and yet the moment the baby cries out she immediately goes to
see what is wrong. Because she is a skillful mother she soon
finds out what is wrong - whether it is that the baby is hungry
or the nappy is too tight or whatever may be the case. In the
same way the moment we fell angry we need to care for it by
practicing mindfulness. We can observe the breath. We can go out
for a walk and make the act of walking our meditation practice.
Observe the sensations in the feet as they land on the ground
one after the other. At the same time observe your breath. You
will soon know how many steps you take for each in breath and
out breath. Walk in this mindful manner for 20 minutes to half
an hour and your anger will open itself to you and be
transformed.
Anger, left uncared for, spread a lot of pain and misery not
only in ourselves but also in other that we come in contact.
There is a natural tendency to lash out at others when we are
angry and this has the result of spreading misery. If we
practice transforming anger through mindfulness we will not only
be much happier and more peaceful ourselves but we can also care
for others and share our happiness and peace. In this way our
meditation practice will help in making the world a better
place.
I hope you enjoyed this article and hope that it will be useful
to you.

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What Are Anger Indicators

2009-01-18T05:30:00.002-08:00

Here we will sum up the signs of anger, because even though
everyone is different, there are certain comparable signs that
denote this strong emotion.
Sometimes, an angry person will verbally or physically assault
others. They are sometimes prone to violent outbursts, often
involving hurting others or destroying things.
An angry person is often aggressive, and might complain a lot
about seemingly everything. They often engage in malicious
behavior toward others, retaliating or striking out against
others.
People who are angry are often antisocial, with an incapability
to relate to their peers. Often, they disparage people, say
cruel or unkind things, or hurt people to make themselves feel
better.
Their lack of dealing with the anger problems leads to the
inability to trust others. They exhibit suspicious, judgmental,
or jealous characteristics toward others. Angry people might try
to undermine others, and be disruptive if they do not agree with
something. An angry person is not pleasant to be around, and
they desperately need help.
Recently I heard about a woman that had serious anger problems.
For seemingly no reason she would react to what most people
would consider minor issues such as a child eating too much or
eating something that she envied.
Something like this was enough to bring about an irrational
reaction. Sometimes she was mild in her acts, and other times
she was out of control. In most cases, she had no basis for her
behavior; however, there was an underlying source, as is usually
the case.
The woman did in fact display anti-social behaviors, and she
often conveyed odd thinking patterns. For example, she would say
that all men are pigs. She also talked about leading men on;
leading them down to her basement and having alligators eat them
alive. The woman was unbalanced and very ill.
Now she was diagnosed with Bipolar – Manic Depression, and
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. After careful examination
Posttraumatic Stress was dismissed and the diagnosis was that of
exaggerated, anti-social traits.
According to her, the cause for her anger was that the many men
she had been involved with had mistreated her. This was only
part of the reason, and the truth surfaced when she talked more
about her life. She had been adopted as a child; therefore, she
felt a sense of abandonment.
The origin here is understandable, since she most likely
resented her parents for giving her up for adoption. Even if the
parents’ reasons were valid, she rebuffs when prompted to hear
the other side of the story. Since the woman’s symptoms were
ongoing, the treatment would probably never work since she was a
victim of her own mind and in denial.
It was obvious that the woman had anger manifesting in her own
behaviors. She performed illegal acts, such as writing bad
checks. Therefore, the symptoms she endured were partially of
her own choice. She produced her anger and paranoia; therefore
her anger is her own responsibility.
However, angry people will often undermine others. For example,
an angry individual might say something like: try these diet
pills; they will help you take off some weight. The angry person
is well aware that the other individual has a sore spot about
their weight, even though she is normal weight. Therefore, the
angry person is trying to disparage the individual by
undermining her self-esteem.
An angry person will also seek attention and use damaging
words. For example, an angry person might say, “I am fat”. The
angry person is waiting for you to disagree, and offer
compliments. The best thing to do in this situation is to ignore
the angry person. Because denial is at the source of the
problem, no matter how many times you try to convince the person
otherwise, they will not believe you.

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A Surge Of Anger

2009-01-18T05:30:00.001-08:00

We walk through life searching for ways to understand how anger
interrupts so many lives, including our own. We can see through
the history that anger has been a major problem from the
beginning of a corrupted world. We know that we have a variety
of people, which includes different classes, genders, race,
ethnicity, and so forth. We know that society has its own rules,
the criminal division has its rules, and the religious leaders
have their rules. We also know that there are different
countries that have their own beliefs, separating their
understanding from our country. This means we are living in a
diverse system and that understanding needs to be in order to
reduce the number of anger problems around the world. Anger is
an emotion that all of us share. When anger gets the best of us
then it is time to find anger management solutions to deal with
the stress. The many people that are angry find it difficult at
times to adhere to the different techniques offered since all of
us differ in our own way. Some of us can go for a walk and cool
down, while others may walk and find it difficult to find
relief. This is because the person is focusing on his or her
madness and refuses to let go. When this occurs, it might be
best to find another strategy that works for you. You might find
a soft cushion and beat it until your frustrations are
exhausted. You might even try writing down your feelings on
paper and reviewing the list once your anger is vented on paper.
If you have a computer, you might want to go online and find an
opponent and kick his butt in a game of chess, or what game you
choose to play. Winning always enhances a mood. If you find this
difficult, you may want to take a blank paper and draw ugly
faces. You can draw your emotions and feelings on a piece of
paper and this often works for some of us to relieve anger.
After you find the technique that works best you, then it is
time to learn how to deal with anger by finding the triggers and
learning strategies to avoid them. Anger management classes
teach us to control our anger, by looking at the triggers,
emotions, and person as a whole. If you are angered because
someone ate the last cookie then you know you have a problem
with selfishness. A cookie is no reason to explode and vent your
anger on another person. Material is irrelevant compared to
hurting another individual. When you cuss, argue, fight or
threaten someone because of your anger you are not only harming
your self since anger harms your body, you are hurting the other
person as well. Dancing is also great for relieving tension,
stress, anxiety, and depression. If you have skills put them to
good use, since this can help you manage your anger. Once you
step to the beat, put your heart into by listening to the sounds
and voices of the musicians. Absorbing your mind into music has
proven effective for relieving emotional stress. Getting lost in
a world of illusion can benefit the mind when the mind has
taking all it can take. Your problem is deeper than the cookie,
therefore you can learn by each strategy what really makes you
mad. We all have problems we face each day, and some of has more
than others do. Therefore, facing reality in full light is great
for controlling anger. When you realize you are not centered out
and attacked because of whom you are, you will then realize that
problems are solvable. If you are in financial problems, you can
research and learn how to find a resolve for this problem. Once
you get positive insight, it will lead you to take the steps to
relieving your stress and anger. If the problem is family, you
might look at both sides to see where you can make things
better. If someone else is the problem, you might ask this
person in a cool voice to better him or her selves, since they
are creating a problem. A surge of anger is great if you have
control!

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Coping With Divorce Anger

2009-01-18T05:28:00.000-08:00

Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing
after your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rage
at your ex-husband. You might be thinking that if it weren’t for
him, your life wouldn’t be so messed up. These feelings are
actually a necessary part of your healing.
Acknowledging The Anger:
Wouldn’t you just love to tell him what a sorry human being he
is? How he didn’t respect you and treated you like dirt. Well,
do It! Take a piece of paper and write down everything that he
did wrong. Release all the anger that has been bottled up. Get
it all off your chest. Tell him how he hurt your feelings and
how you suffered to make the marriage work. Don’t be surprised
if this letter goes on for pages, just get it all out.
Now for the important part.......Do Not Give Him This Letter.
It would only re-enforce the impact that he had on your life.
Burn it or throw it away. Allow yourself to release that anger
and resentment. It’s over and done with. You’ve acknowledged the
hurt and are now ready to figure out what went wrong and move
on.
Gaining Insight:
Gaining insight into why your marriage failed helps you to move
on to healthier relationships in the future. Start by thinking
about what attracted you to him in the first place. Maybe he was
handsome, strong, or wealthy. What benefits did you get from the
marriage? Maybe it was security, companionship, or a sense of
belonging. These are the things that are important to your core
being, and the difficulties in your marriage probably stemmed
from threats to these areas.
Gaining Perspective:
Knowing what part he played in the problems is easy, but you
also need to recognize how you contributed. Owning up to
responsibility is probably the hardest part.
Most women grew up with the image of the “White Knight” who
rides in and takes charge. The princess falls in love and stands
behind her man. The only problem is that this fairy tale usually
doesn’t have a happy ending because the power of choice is
removed. You are swept through life by circumstances and
decisions of others.
If you can own up to your participation in the marriage, you
have gained power. For example, by admitting that you stayed in
a bad marriage for economic reasons, you therefore, can choose
to find a good paying job and leave. When your perspective is
one of choice, you gain power and control over your life.
Admitting that you put up with a bad situation out of choice
allows you now to make decisions to do things differently in
your new life. Once you accept responsibility for your life, be
careful to not turn your anger inward. You did the best you
could in your given situation. It's in the past, and you now
have the power to move forward. Release the hold that anger has
over helps you to regain control over your life again. You no
longer need to feel like a victim, and your self esteem will
begin to rise.

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How To Cope With Anger

2009-01-18T05:27:00.001-08:00

Since anger is one of the leading problems in society, we must
learn how to cope. There is not one time in our lives that we
all have not experienced anger and maybe even acted out of
control. When someone hurts us, irritates, aggravates, harass,
threatens, or let us down we call get mad. Anger is either our
worst enemy or our best friend. For example if another person
threatens us and we act out in anger in a managed way, most
likely we are going to have good results. On the other hand, if
we act out aggressively we are loosing control and the other
person most often will have the upper hand.
When we have control of our emotions and feelings, it not only
protects us, but also helps us to become successful in life. We
know how to deal with situations when they arise, including
financial problems, medical emergencies, and so forth. On the
other hand, if we are entanglement then we is at risk, our
health is in danger and problems are definitely going to
escalate. When a person is dealing with anger, he or she will
often neglect to see the problem. The person may deny any
actions that he or she has displayed.
Denial is the leading reason why some never come over their
problems. Another reason is that acceptance has never been put
into force, as it should be. Mental health experts are in
constant debate lingering over diagnosis. They will tell the
patient that providing their diagnose is only creating a label
that puts the patient in constant struggle. I disagree with this
since a person needs to know what is wrong with them before they
can deal with the problem. This is a form of acceptance. Another
problem is a person goes through a series of diagnoses before
someone figures out what the problem is and this only causes
confusion.
Life is too full of problems to let a person wonder around in
life trying to figure out what is going on. If you have root
then it is often easier to deal with the problem. Anger is an
emotion that has been interrupted by some force, person (s), and
so on. If this problem continues, it only gets worse. A person
can only take so much in life before they explode somewhere down
the road. Other problems are stemmed from mental illnesses and
or excessive alcohol consumption or drugs. Not everyone with
anger problems has a problem with alcohol and/or drugs, but in
some instances, it is another problem that needs immediate
attention. Likewise, not everyone with mental illnesses is
alcoholics or drug addicts, and not everyone with a mental
illness has anger issues.
The problem then is buried beneath the mind. Somewhere in the
persons, history people interrupted these people’s emotions.
Somewhere down through this person’s history he or she was
taught incorrectly. Emotions are tricky and they can drain the
life from a person. Therefore, when we know how to deal with
emotions and feelings we are on the road to success. There is
nothing more rewarding than feeling a sense of control and
achievement, and when you feel this repeatedly you are teaching
your self a self-control. It is important to seek help, finding
someone that you can trust to help you deal with your emotions.
This can help you find yourself and a way to control your
behaviors. Behaviors are based on environment, functions, and
attitudes. When we are in an environment that is not good, then
it is time to remove our self to another area to learn
self-control. Bad affiliation spoils our habits as we are
growing, therefore acquainting yourself with positive people can
benefit your behaviors. Functions are the process we all deal
with.
When our body and mind are not functioning properly, we are
going to loose control. Attitudes contribute to anger in the
sense that if we are thinking negative, negative results will
occur. Therefore, practicing positive thinking will enhance our
lifestyles and help us to manage our emotions and feelings,
including our anger. How to cope with anger depends on the
situation and people involved.

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Worry Causes Anger

2009-01-18T05:26:00.001-08:00

If you are constantly worrying then you are harming your body
and mind, and eventually your emotions will explode into anger.
Worrying often leads nowhere, since most times, the things that
people worry about are out of their control. For example, if you
have bill due tomorrow and do not get a paycheck until Friday
and no one has the money to lend you then you have to wait until
Friday to pay the bill. Why worry about it until Friday arrives,
since there may be nothing you can do.
Of course you should check your resources to find out if
something is available to you, but if it isn’t do not stress
your self, rather patiently wait until payday arrives. If you
are constantly worrying then eventually your emotions will
crumble and an anger outburst may occur. Worry is a distress to
our mental status, or aggravation that results from concern over
something impending or anticipated therefore worry is anxiety.
When you are worrying, your nerves are affected and when the
nerves flare, your temper is subject to flare.
The British Dialect for worry is to strangle or to choke.
Therefore, we see that worry is not healthy, since strangling
and choking can kill. In short, if you are constantly worry or
anticipating then you are causing your body harm. Your heart,
nerves, and other portions of the body are affected as you
worry. The body signs are there when you are worrying. You often
feel the pit of your stomach in knots.
You might feel your arms and legs shake, or your heart stressed
to its limit. If you cannot change it do not worry about it, it
is out of your control anyway. Sufficient for each day for no
one knows what tomorrow will bring. Taking it one day at a time
is the best strategy for dealing with stress. If you remember
that you can change something’s, but other things are out of
your control you will fare better in life. Anger is an intense
emotion that can make or break a person. If you are angry and
blow a fuse, more than likely added trouble will come your way
and then you will worry constantly trying to figure out a way to
escape.
You already have enough problems in your life, so why increase
your flow. Emotions are nothing to toy with, since emotions
control our joy, anger, happy, sadness and so forth. Emotions
are designed to help us manage our lives. However, if you are
not in touch with your emotions then you emotions will not be in
touch with you. Usually what follows with worry is depression,
which is a state of sadness. Now if you have anxiety combined
with depression your nerves are affected tremendously.
This means that you are weighing heavy on your emotions and
when triggered you are most likely going to explode. If you are
screaming, shouting, yelling, or cursing at the other person
then this will add to your existing problems and will affect
your nerves more so. It makes sense to let go and think
carefully about your situation, finding a way to control your
emotions and anger. If you think before acting, it often opens
new doors and you will find a resolve for your problems.
Remember no one can predict what tomorrow will bring.
Therefore, the control is out of your hands and the only
resource then is to relax and think of the potential resolves
available to you. Your mind is a tricky area and if you let your
mind take control of you then you are heading for a disaster.
Being in charge of your own life is taking the road to success
and minimizing your problems.
If you feel that you are centered out from the rest of the
world, remember someone else has more problems than you have and
few of us have very little resources to resolve the problems. No
one is excluded from problems in life and we all have our share
of turmoil to face each day. If you seem to explode every time
your anger arises then you might need to seek help at anger
management, mental health or medical experts.

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Confide For Less Anger In Your Marriage

2009-01-18T05:24:00.000-08:00

Jose and Juanita have been married for 17 years, and basically
love each other, yet have been fighting over the same issue
almost every night of those years: She likes it cold at night
and he likes it warm in their house and bedroom. She had just
opened their bedroom windows for the night. When she left to
visit the bathroom, she heard Jose follow her and close all the
windows.
Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and
what to do about it.
—(curtain up)—
Juanita: (to Jose) "I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide
open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night,
just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate."
Jose: (to Juanita):"This is my house too. Why should I have to
freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could
hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would
want it this cold!"
(curtain down)
IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?
Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the
solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for
instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the
room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.
In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily
solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only
creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this
unfortunately was the case.
Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple
and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the
usual culprits are:
(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle.
This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about
who will win or lose.
(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied
into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the
more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person
resists.
For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a
room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving
her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her
life.
CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said
that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.
This is because now they are speaking from their hearts
—combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the
other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your
feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)
Juanita (should have said something like):"I feel that I don’t
have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have
to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would
want me to be comfortable at night.
I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all
day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a
decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too
selfish."
Jose (should have said something like):"I do really love you
and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in
here at night for me that I can’t sleep.
We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to
continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to
discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other."
Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital
battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time
out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The
following communication tips will help:
FOUR COMMUNICATION TIPS
Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your
feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue.
Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.
Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the
issue. Focus on the process of communication.
Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and
successful married people have discovered that often it is
preferable to be happy than to be right!
Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want
to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the
issue or problem.

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Alcohol And Feelings Of Anger

2009-01-18T05:23:00.001-08:00

There may be many emotions a person experiences while working
on the issue of sobriety. Anger is one of those emotions and one
of the most powerful.
When a person is trying to remain sober it is important to know
how to handle those feelings. If you understand how to recognize
these feelings and what to do with them, it is easier to avoid
relapse.
There are some steps you can follow to help you deal with the
anger issues that involve alcohol. When anger is mismanaged it
poses a threat to the recovery process for both those who have
just stopped drinking and those who have not been drinking
alcohol for a long time.
First of all you will want to learn how to recognize angry
feelings. Discover the ways your anger reveals itself and how
you know when you are angry.
Are you in the habit of denying your feelings of anger and
hiding those feelings? Are you able to own your anger and go
with it? All of these things are important and you will need to
learn how to recognize your feelings of anger.
The second thing you can do is to make a list of your anger
signs. Notice and record stomach, head and back aches. You may
have a problem with rapid speech when you become angry. You may
use sarcasm or become cynical. Do you scream and yell or argue
with others when you are angry? Is violence an issue?
Also list any isolation techniques you use or if you tend to
avoid people when you are angry. Often when a person is no
longer drinking alcohol they will still have thoughts about
using. Have you experienced compulsive actions that involve,
eating, spending too much, gambling or sex?
You can add to the list denial or rationalization problems you
have when angry, as well as revenge fantasies. Do you withhold
yourself from others or become silent? All of these things may
be signs of anger.
Next, pay attention to the causes of your anger. Think about
the situation that resulted in your feelings of anger. Who else
was involved and was it the first time or has it become a
pattern?
Think about any other feelings that were involved. Were you
stressed, lonely, hungry, scared or tired? All of these things
can play a part in recognizing triggers to anger.
Now, what are some positive things that can be done after you
have done your accessing, recognizing and list making? There are
actually several things you can do to help yourself when anger
and abstaining from alcohol have taken a toll.
Decide how you will behave. When you know what you are up
against and you recognize the triggers, there will be many times
when the choice of how to handle your anger will be up to you.
You can make good choices or ones that will only hurt yourself,
others and your recovery process.
One way to make the best choices is to learn how to talk
yourself through difficult situations. Talk to yourself in a
calm and reassuring manner and use reason. Figure out what the
outcome may be if you are able to make good decisions.
If there is another person involved, be willing to talk with
them calmly and assertively. Try to listen patiently without
interrupting. Avoid name calling and blaming the other person.
If you are too angry to talk at the time of the incident, wait a
few days if necessary.
You can manage your anger effectively while abstaining from
alcohol.

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Anger Menagement

2009-01-18T05:19:00.002-08:00

Are you easily provoked to anger? Do you explode in expletives
when you feel you have been slighted? Are you ready to pick up a
fight just because you feel people did not treat your right?
Do you resort to door slamming or throw things about when you
just want to get your message across? Or do you just grin and
bear it and silently plan ways to get even? Anger, if it cannot
be controlled can ruin lives, and relationships, and cleave
peaceful community co-existence.
Anger is manifested in varying degrees. Anger starts with
annoyance and progresses towards indignation, and finally erupts
in fury. People get maimed or killed because of anger; and I
have met people riddled with remorse after the fact. Had they
been able to control their anger, they could have avoided acts
of violence.
Yet many are walking time bombs ready to explode. A trigger
will set them off and wham! Life may never be the same again.
So it is about time to decide if you want to control anger or
let anger control you.
People lose jobs, loved ones, friends, and even self-respect
because of uncontrolled anger. Personal health is also
jeopardized if you continue to harbor this aggressive emotion.
If you don’t want this to happen, take action now. This will be
a personal crusade, or a voluntary act on your part. So if you
decide that this is the time to get rid of this harmful emotion
do it now.
When one gets angry all the time, he allows the progression of
his anger. Uncontrolled anger is a behavior cultivated with
time. It is a learned habit and can be unlearned. An effective
strategy for letting go of this habit is through hypnotherapy.
Helping people control anger through clinical hypnotherapy has
gained positive results for many patients seeking treatment.
There is no uniform formulaic treatment for each patient.
Hypnotherapy takes on two techniques: self-hypnosis and
hypnosis. Hypnosis has also been medically proven to cure
emotional disturbance by reprogramming the sub-conscious mind to
react to anger triggers differently.
Through these methods, the unconscious mind is reprogrammed to
react differently anger buttons. The treatment method also helps
patients learn how to deal with stressful situations for
beneficial results. When people react to anger positively they
can get the results they want. Not knowing how to control anger
makes things worse than they seem.

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Psychotherapy Anger Management

2009-01-18T05:19:00.001-08:00

When we are angry, we often find a way to deal with the stress
that anger brings. Some of us however cannot find a way to deal
with our anger. A faithful strategy I used to deal with anger is
to handle the situation when the opportunity arises. If someone
does something to hurt me, it depends on the situation but I got
resources, therefore I put those to good use.
When I feel sometimes, I go inside my mind, find a restful
area, and talk to myself. I often find humor whether it is
ironic, ridiculous dark, humorous, or what have you. Anything
that makes me laugh often relieves the stress my body and mind
feels when I am angry. Blowing up at the source that made us
angry is not the answer.
This only creates a more difficult problem. Therefore, if you
have a problem with anger you might want to go to anger
management where psychotherapy is available. Anger management
helps a person to get in contact with his or her mind. It helps
them to see that anger is the root of emotions that are out of
control. It also helps the person to see that anger can be
controlled if you learn behavior strategies to modify your
attitude.
If you have problems with anger, you might have an underlying
situation, which includes mental illness, alcohol or drugs. Do
you drink heavily? If so this affects the body, mind, and will
make it difficult to manage your anger when you are threatened
or feel as though someone let you down. If you are taking drugs,
you may want to consider that drugs can cause great harm to both
your mind and body and enhance your mood, making it easier for
you to explode when you are anger. Drugs never help, they only
cause more harm.
If you have mental illness, you might want to consult with an
expert in the mental health industry to learn more about your
problem. Symptoms are a part of mental illness and anger is one
of the many signs that mental illness includes. Not every
personality disorder has anger problems, but many of the mental
ill do.
The symptoms may include inability to comprehend, which often
causes anger to erupt since the person has difficulty
understanding the person speaking with them. Another symptom in
mental illness that causes anger is voices outside the head. If
you are hearing those negative voices telling you that someone
is going to kill you, or instructing you to kill someone you
love it can drive a person mad. Hallucination is another symptom
in mental illness that can make a person deranged or angry.
When you are seeing things that do not exist, yet appear real,
it makes you angry inside when the symptoms subside and you find
that you are out in left field. Delusions can also trick the
emotions and make us feel out of control. When a person does not
have control of his or her being, it often frustrates the
person, making them angry.
Anger is also created when person’s behaviors are criminal, or
potentially criminal oriented. If you have a compulsive lying
habit then it often degrades your being and makes you angry. You
might blow up at someone for simple words, but the source that
made you angry is no one but your self.
Likewise, if you are thief it is also degrading and will only
dehumanize and deprive you of the ability to control your
emotions. If you are experiencing any of the listed sources of
anger then anger management is a great start to dealing with
your emotions and anger. Anger management is a form of
psychotherapy that offers you the tools to learn behavior and
control anger.
The systematic problem can help you to learn to associate with
others without blowing your fuse. If you have difficulty,
speaking up then anger management will guide you through the
steps to recovery. You will address your problems, learn how to
manage them, and learn how to function as a healthy person in
society. Anger is good, but when it becomes a problem then anger
management is the solution to success.

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The Many Faces Of Anger

2009-01-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

Having over thirty years experience as a psychotherapist, I
have seen anger expressed in many of its forms, by omission and
commission. Usually we have a way of expressing anger that is
our signature, that is a way of being angry that we resort to
over and over again, when we are in conflict. Habits have power
because usually, we are unaware and we react unconsciously or
automatically. Think for instance of where you place your
tooth-brush. Every morning you reach in the same direction,
without conscious thought unless it has been moved. Moving it
breaks the automatic habit, as you become aware and notice you
have to reach in a different direction. Many of our daily
routines are similar response, i.e. automatic.
Like feelings in general, anger in and of itself is not good or
bad. Its just a feeling. Feelings well up in us, as urges to go
to the bathroom well up, without conscious invitation. It’s what
you do with the feelings that will make a difference in the
quality of your life and how it affects those near and dear.
Most of us do not know, how to express anger appropriately,
we’ve never been taught. Anger is feared, denied, projected and
denounced. Often people associate any expression of anger with
the extreme end of the spectrum, that of violence. Often and
especially in relationships, it is the inability to express
anger properly, that can escalate into violence.
On an anger spectrum; at one end we see irritability,
grumpiness, negativity, criticism, resentment and judgemental
behavior. These are milder forms of anger, but anger
nonetheless. Our society seems to be more tolerant of the lesser
forms, and our family conditioning allows it. Maybe because it
is so prevalent, it is not addressed for what it really is,
inappropriate anger. In the middle, is anger that has less
intensity and is more amenable to appropriate expression. As it
moves towards the other side, we encounter greater intensity as
rage, fury, indignation and wrath. These levels of anger
indicate on some level, a loss of control, a level of
destructiveness verging on madness and violence. Wrath often
implies not only rage and moral indignation but also a desire to
punish. So where are you on this spectrum? Generally every
individual has a troublesome spot. I read a quote from a Master
who lived in the mountains. He answered several of life’s hard
questions for the inquirer without hesitation. When asked how to
handle anger, he broke his walking stick in half and bellowed
“Do you think I’d be living alone in this deserted place if I
had the answer to that?” Sooner or later we all have to come
down from the mountain, and deal with fellow humans in the
market place. Someone is invariably going to step on our toe, ….
it!!
As a clinician, except for violent people, who take an extreme
position and I very seldom work with, it’s the “nice nice’ anger
avoiders, or deniers that give me the most trouble. If you are
not willing or able to become aware of how you act out or
project your anger, its like pulling teeth. They deny their
anger, or fear it and fear it in others. They are also more
likely to project it onto others. Not me, but them. Often
avoiders have since childhood pushed down any version of angry
feelings and may not be able to identify how it reveals itself
in their lives. Maybe in childhood they were afraid to express,
or lived in a violent home where an individual expressing could
lead to violence. Nobody helped them differentiate violence from
normal levels of dissatisfaction.
Sometimes it’s a woman living the “Christian Way”, who has
mistakenly misinterpreted assertiveness and personal power, as
aggressive, and non Christian. This is a hard nut to crack. One
woman with the above profile, had Bible quote answers for many
things including “turning the other cheek”. She however loved to
attend boxing matches, and football games. She was videoed by
her son, yelling “kill him, kill him” when she got fired up at
these public spectator sports. Monday morning she was back to
her “other cheek” way. She was unable to connect the dots as to
how she projected her denied rage onto others. Her three
children felt unheard, and experienced having no permission to
express anything that wasn’t sweetness and light in her
presence. When they grew to young adulthood, they limited their
contact with her. She asked over and over “why are you upset
with me?” “I haven’t done anything” She couldn’t express her own
anger, and caused her children and others about her to feel
guilty when they had their feelings. This mother was in fact a
crazy maker, and it was sane of the children to keep their
distance. She controlled others and frustrated them with
avoidance, forgetting, being self righteous, thwarting plans,
being late, etc. This behavior is so nebulous, one can’t get it
out of the vapors, and make sense of it. You feel the disconnect
with reality, but its hard for the average person to put a
finger on exactly what is going on. Even in treatment such
people usually have to be in a life altering crisis, to
surrender their mask or ego, long enough to see the cracks in
their cosmic egg.
I’m much prefer to work with anger that is available. Sometimes
it is not pretty, its down right toxic, however its more
available for exploration and change, than the suppressed and
the denied. Anger is passion which indicates there is energy
available for work if a person is ready to change. It is a big
“if” due to the fact some people are addicted to anger. In the
moment of their explosion, they feel powerful and for others it
is a “rush” a high, that makes them feel at least temporarily
more alive. The habit of anger then feeds the addiction as they
get a surge of adrenalin and other feel good hormones. At this
point it becomes more than a bad habit, its emotional
excitement. You know of people who create some drama when life
evens out. For people who rely on their anger in this way, the
intense feelings keep their life from being dull, because they
haven’t learned other ways of experiencing personal power.
You and I know that daily we rub up against situations that can
if we allow it will trigger our anger. As matter of fact if we
reacted to every opportunity to become angry, we’d be constantly
angry. How about people who carry a well of shame, a high level
of sensitivity and low self esteem. The slightest criticism sets
off all three of the above stated characteristics. It can become
explosive and blaming as well as projected on to whomever gets
in their way. Usually their buttons have been pushed and inside
of the raging adult is a child possessed, feeling vulnerable and
out of control. Road rage is such an example. “How dare you cut
me off, as others cut me off in the past, and I am justified in
my rage toward you and a wanting to hurt you.” Of course all of
this isn’t thought out, it a reaction to what is smoldering in
the persons unconscious. The evidence of what is in the
unconscious is the menancing, excessive, out of proportion , out
of control behavior.
Some people suffer from black and white thinking, failing to be
flexible enough to include others who are different. This
concrete way of looking at a the world is quite prevalent in
children until the age of reason. Some people get stuck at this
level of development, and have a simplistic view of the world.
This group spews moralistic anger towards others, when those
others have broken the rules. Its as if they have a patent on
what is right in the world and in order to protect it, they make
others wrong. The offenders are labeled by this self-righteous
group as bad, evil, wicked, sinful and deserve to be punished.
So if one is different from the tribe, or from the church group,
one may be harshly judged. It is interesting at times to look at
the lives of the judges of how others should be. The ridigity of
the frame they put around how others should live, is often
frightening. What is more frightening is that this kind of
thinking and anger is very prevalent in out society, at every
level, from the highest offices to the person in the street.
Such people claim moral superiority.
Hate happens when a person doesn’t resolve anger and allows no
window of compassion or forgiveness to enter. Its really a
hardened anger when one person decides that another person in
totally wrong or evil or both. Its usually the cause of ongoing
rumination, in the hater, who despises the offender and won’t
let go or soften towards him or her. Sometimes the hater
experiences secondary gain by seeing themselves as innocent and
a victim.
You may see yourself in one or more of the examples I have
given. You may wonder if you are able to change a life long
habit of this nature. The first step is to become aware of what
you do and how you do it. If you have an intention and
willingness to change the way you express anger, it is certainly
doable. Next time I’ll start with tools to address different
modes of anger and the problems it causes in your life.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=234725&ca=Self+Help

Do You Know Your Anger Management Style?

2009-01-18T05:15:00.001-08:00

There are 3 basic styles of anger management: The suppressor,
the venter, and the manager or director. Although parents will
find that they use each style in their everyday life, they will
find that one of these styles are more dominate than the others.
The source of these styles is a mix of environment and genetics.
Certain temperament types are more likely to demonstrate one or
more of these styles than others. And the culture, family, and
society also play a role. But the most important factor in
determining how a parent came to use one style or another in
their most intimate relationships, namely with their children,
is through learning. All of the styles of anger management are
learned styles. And, if they were learned, they can be unlearned
or relearned. What this implies is that parents are not stuck
with their particular style of anger management but can learn to
better manage or direct their anger.
The suppressor style sits on or suppresses anger. Parents with
this style of anger management have learned that anger is all
bad, therefore it must be eliminated. But anger is a God-given,
natural emotion that cannot be eliminated. Consequently, parents
bottle up their anger until it reaches the boiling point and
they explode over the smallest, insignificant situation. Parents
with this style tend to deny feeling or expressions of anger in
their life. They are worried about what others might think or
say if they were to express their anger. Their trigger thoughts
include needing others to always approve of them or see them in
positive light. They might also have grown up in a family with a
venting parent. As a result, they might have learned to suppress
their anger for fear of retaliation or made a personal vow never
to be like their parent.
The ventor style is at the opposite end of the anger management
continuim. Unlike the suppressor, this person freely and
uncontrollably expresses their anger. They take no prisoners and
have no mercy in the heat of the moment. Anyone and everyone can
be a target for their verbal or physical expressions of anger.
They often describe themselves as feeling "flooded" or under the
control of their emotions which results in them acting
out-of-control. They usually feel quilty and remorseful for
their expressions of anger after the fact and may make promises
to change. These people have learned that anger is a quick and
effective way to control others or get what they want. Young
children learn that temper tantrums will get them the candy or
toy they desire and adults find out that anger outburst will get
cooperation from children, however temporary the cooperation
might be. The need for power and control are usually at the
center of their thoughts. Inversely, they are often very
insecure and feel powerless in their life unless they are
venting at others. Ventors suffer interpersonally. As other
avoid their outburst, they become isolated and alone. This too
may result in more venting.
The last style is the manager or director style of anger
management. The parent with this style of anger is aware of his
anger but uses it in a constructive manner. He does not bottle
it up like the suppressor or freely blast it like the ventor.
Instead the manager will acknowledge their emotion and use the
energy to create a change in their situation or relationship.
For example, a parent might state: "I am very angry that the
toys have not been picked up." The manager or director
communicates in an assertive manner by stating what they want
and not what they don't want. They might tell their child: "I
want you to pick up all of these toys or I will have to put them
away for a while." They do not blame or shame a child to gain
their cooperation. While this might work in the short-term it
usually fails to produce lasting cooperation. Instead it breeds
resentment and revenge. Manager or directors do not follow the
myths of anger management ("If you get it out it will go away"
and "All anger is bad"). And most importantly, managers and
directors detect, dispute, and discriminate any irrational
thoughts that might trigger their anger. They are aware of what
pushes their buttons and are able, with practice, to disconnect
this faulty learning.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=154141&ca=Self+Help

Why Anger Rises In The Family (And How To Let It Go)

2009-01-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is
also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live
closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached,
dependent or vulnerable these individuals have the power to
affect us deeply. In these relationships our expectations and
demands greater.
Images Of The Family
We have strong images of how parents, siblings or children
"should" behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and
attention from those in the family. Parents have strong feelings
that they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because
of their roles, (no matter how they treat their children).
Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a
"happy family", where everyone loves and cares for each other,
and where everyone accepts all of each other's difficulties.
Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most
part the myth of a happy family is often a dream.
Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment,
sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations and
demands and lack of acceptance. In fact, families are really
fine places to work through a great deal of issues and learn how
to individuate, grow, love and accept both others and ourselves.
Although many of us blame our parents for all that has gone
wrong, the fact is that the parent is not the real culprit. It
is the smoldering anger that is being held onto that causes the
pain. It is the inability to get over disappointment about not
having the parent of our dreams. This anger and disappointment
can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life that
best expresses our values and vision today.
Identity And The Family
A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the
tendency each member has to identify with the other. Parents
feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also
project their worst fears about themselves onto their children,
or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments
in their own lives. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a
great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room
there is for differences in most families. Most think that a
perfect family is one in which everyone is the same.
Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)
The most vital process that goes on in the family is the
process of individuation. This means that as a child grows they
are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be
separate and different from those they love. Some experience
differences between themselves and family members as separation,
or even rejection. They do not realize that unless family
members become who they are, they will not be able to grow and
love. Instead, anger develops, deep resentment and pain. The
greatest longing most family members have is being known, heard
and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced
as love.
Unfulfilled Needs In The Family
After a certain point of maturity family members enter the
larger world and become part of other groups. These new groups
are often experienced as new families. Needless to say these
individuals automatically and unconsciously begin to repeat the
same patterns they experienced in the family they came from. If
there were many unfulfilled needs in their original family, they
try to get these filled now.
If there were many demands made upon them, they expect that to
be true once again and begin resisting demands made upon them in
their new groups. (Or, they may turn it around and make those
demands upon others now).When they enter a romantic
relationship, often it becomes a repeat of the relationship they
saw between their parents, or a relationship in opposition to
it. One way or the other, the original family remains the main
reference point.
Conflicts, demands, unfulfilled needs must fundamentally be
traced back to its origin in the family and resolved there.
Sooner or later we must make peace with our family, as it was
and as it wasn't. Then we become able to create something
healing and new.
Families Of Choice
When we have come to peace with our family, we are then able to
"choose" those individuals and relationships, which we value and
want in our lives. Although we cannot choose our original
family, we can choose friends in our lives and choose to create
a significant relationship that reflects who we are and what
we've always wanted. We can create a new family now that
fulfills our dreams and desires. This does not mean rejecting
our original family, but learning from it, still giving to it,
but, at the same time, going forward to create our lives as we
wish them to be.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

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From Anger To Peace Of Mind

2009-01-18T05:08:00.000-08:00

Anger is a serious problem for one in every five Americans.
Road rage, workplace violence, domestic abuse and even addiction
are just a few of its many expressions.
Today we fear all kinds of external enemies. It is not so easy
to realize, however, that the worse enemy we face is the anger
that resides within us, the terror it causes and the ways this
poison affects so much of our lives. However, there are many
specific steps we can take to root this toxin out of our lives.
As we do the results will be reflected in our mental, emotional
and physical well-being.
Anger has many faces. It appears in various forms and creates
different consequences. Most anger lurks beneath the surface and
manifests in hidden ways – as depression, anxiety, apathy,
hopelessness, etc.
Some of The 24 Forms of Anger –
The first step in rooting anger out of our lives is becoming
aware of it. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged it
holds us in its grip. By recognizing the 24 forms of anger, we
will be able to shine a flashlight on the hidden enemy. Then we
can choose to eliminate each one of these forms of anger, one a
day and replace it with a healthy antidote.
To begin we will look at a few of the 24 forms of anger, and
its effect upon your life:
Straighforward Anger – Attack.
This is anger that is clear-cut and easy to recognize. It
comes right out and can easily turn into verbal, emotional or
physical abuse. Many regret it afterwards.
Hypocrisy –
You are angry, but hide it beneath a smile and present a false
front, pretending to be someone you’re not. Although you think
you are fooling others, in truth you are losing yourself and
your own self-respect.
Depression –
Depression is anger turned against oneself. It comes from not
being able to identify or express the anger one is feeling.
This anger then turns into depression.
Passive Agression –
This is a form of anger expressed not by what we do but
by what we do not do. We refuse to give the other person what
they ask for, want or need and make it seem as though they are
the one that is overly demanding. This is a way of expressing
anger silently and blaming the other for what we have set in
motion.
Steps To Dissolving Anger
Needless to say there are many specific steps to take to undo
different forms of anger. We will offer some samples. The
important point to realize is that anger can be dsissolved in a
moment. We can choose to see things differently. We can choose
to make a different response.
It takes only a moment to escalate a situation, but in that
same moment, the trouble could be de-escalated. We must stop in
the middle of automatic anger that arises, and take charge of
what is going on. We have the right and will to choose our
response.
Sample Ways To De-Esclate Anger:
1)Straightforward Attack:
Stop in the middle of a situation in which you either feel
angry or are being attacked. Expand your vistas. Rather than
respond in a knee-jerk manner, say to yourself, “Like me, this
person has suffered. Like me, this person wants to be happy,
like me this person experiences loneliness and loss.”
As you do this, you are recognizing the similarities and common
humanity you share, rather than focus on the differences. For a
moment, allow the person to be right. You have plenty of time to
be right later. Ask yourself, what is more important to you, to
be “right” or to be free of anger, to be compassionate?
2)Hypocrisy:
When you notice yourself pretending, lying, exaggerating or
deceiving, stop. Tell the truth at that moment. Be the truth. If
you do not know what the truth is, be silent and become aware of
what the deepest truth is for you and the other. (This will not
only restore good will, it will connect you with what is most
meaningful.)
3)Depression:
Make friends with yourself today. When we are depressed, we are
rejecting, hating and blaming ourselves. Undo this false state
of mind. Find five things you admire and respect about who you
are. Focus on sharing your good qualities with another. In
depression we are only absorbed with ourselves. A wonderful
antidote is to become absorbed with how you can reach out to and
help another.
As we root anger out of our lives, and find meaningful
substitutions not only our lives but the lives of our loved
ones, friends and acquaintances will be lifted and enhanced.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

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Why Do We Need Anger Management?

2009-01-18T05:07:00.000-08:00

Is there more stress in our lives today than previously?
Probably 8 out of 10 people, if asked this question, would reply
"yes". Just last week I saw a tv news show talking about the
fact that if you only worked a 60 hour week in some countries of
the world you'd be considered a "part timer". Here in the US
where I work, the dream of the simpler, easier work week has
long vanished. The computer and other productivity tools were
supposed to increase our free time, but instead, we've found
ourselves working longer and longer, and in many cases, if
there's a family, both parents working. One reason is the global
economy. Those firms who still have business operations here in
the USA are facing competition from China, India, and other mass
population emerging countries, and the only choice to stay in
business is to increase productivity. We have another edge to
the sword: The uncertainty of even keeping our job or business
vs exporting it over seas. Stress! You bet. And with comes
stress comes it's companion: anger. It's almost like salt and
pepper.
Neither are productive, but both to some extent can be
controlled. Not only CAN be but MUST be. We could write at
length on stress, but in this article, we'll concentrate on
anger.
We should all know what anger is and that is the feeling of
being annoyed or upset with someone. We all get these feelings
from time to time and it is important to not hide how we are
feeling. It is important to get these feelings of being upset
out so that we can feel better about what is going on around us.
However, there's a limit as to how far we can go in getting them
out. We have all the rights in the world to do so, but as an old
saying goes, your rights end where my nose begins.
Anger is completely normal and it is important for people to
know that it is ok to be mad. It is a healthy emotion that we
all feel from time to time. Sometimes however, anger gets out of
control and it can turn destructive. It can lead to more and
more problems if it is untreated. You can let anger interfere
with your work, personal relationships and the overall quality
of your life.
It is important to get help for anger management and to not to
let your emotions take control of your life. We need to seek
treatment when we know that we cannot go on feeling mad all the
time and getting ourselves upset at the drop of a hat. There are
ways to improve the way that we handle anger and to use anger
management for a way to keep our life in order.
The purpose of anger management is to find a reason why we are
so mad. Once we realize what the cause is, we can get a better
hold of it and make the necessary arrangements to use our anger
in the proper way and to express it so that we are not losing
our temper on others.
Anger management will show us how to express our anger better
and not to let it take over. Some people will have to seek
therapy for their anger on a regular basis while others will
only need minimal help. It is ok to use your anger in a good way
and to release your anger with management so that you are not
hurting anyone that you love anymore. This is the main reason
why people decide to seek help with anger management programs.
You can use the workshops in your area for anger management.
There are many people there that are equipped with the right
tools to help you with your problems and get you back on the
right track. You will appreciate the way that you will get the
help you need to control your anger and life a better and
happier life. You and the people around you will notice the new
you and how you are changing the way, you live your life.
Anger management online
If you are someone that is dealing with an anger management
problem or you know someone that has this problem, you can get
help for it. There are ways to get the treatment that you are in
need of and not let anyone know about it. You can get facts
about anger management online. There are many resources that you
can take advantage of and get great help that you need.
Many people are embarrassed because they are dealing with
anger. This is nothing to be ashamed about. However, for the
people that do not want to let others know about their secret
obsession, they can find help from the sites of anger management
online that are out there. You can click your way through the
net and find the ideas and the helpful tools that you need to
get your anger sorted out and under control.

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Self Help And Anger Management

2009-01-18T05:05:00.000-08:00

People that get angered easily may need some effective means to
control themselves and may thus need to look for a proper anger
management technique that will answer to their needs to control
them in situations that often gets well out of hand. With people
having serious instances of anger management requirements the
good news is that a number of different techniques with regard
to self help anger management are available to fight off this
condition.
Counseling From Therapists - Among the many self help anger
management techniques available is the one that requires taking
counseling from therapists, and there are also very many books
written on the subject to enable a person to utilize the
knowledge gained by reading such literature on the subject and
create their own self help anger management techniques that will
work well for them.
There is also anger management courses which is a means very
often used by people that wish to get more in-depth help from
experts regarding controlling their anger, and it also affords
those suffering from anger to interact with fellow sufferers and
thus can gain valuable insights as to how self help will make
them overcome such problems and so should incorporate such
techniques in order to bring their anger under control. Self
help also means the sufferer is able to avail of support as well
as understanding from others, and in this regard family members
are the persons the sufferer must need to turn to when requiring
the necessary understanding and support and once given, also
helps ensure that the situation is not further aggravated.
Also, anger management problems are not just confined to
adults; but, can affect children as well and it is not uncommon
for children that behave well to also be affected by anger that
was not evident earlier. It is up to the parents to provide the
child with proper guidance and should expend their energies to
help in contributing to the child learning self help anger
management techniques and so, overcome the behavioral problems.
It is also common for sufferers to find self help from other
resources besides their parents, and taking to performing yoga
as well as meditation is just one instance of how a self help
anger management technique can help overcome the problem. Other
methods for self help include reading up books as well as
listening to audio books on the subject, and with a few more
available alternatives, it is possible for the sufferer to find
an ideal method of self help to help get rid of the problem of
anger.

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Depression And Anger

2009-01-18T05:02:00.001-08:00

Uncontrollable anger is related to depression and anxiety.
Being constantly worried about what you cannot control can cause
depression. Living in despair, causes misery therefore will
deteriorate your sound mind. That is why being in control of
one’s anger is helpful whereby it can push negative thoughts
that can bring about dejection and apprehension.
Symptoms of depression and anxiety are many. People who suffer
from these conditions may feel that they are perceived wrongly
by the public. They are always crying out defeat and can no
longer face life. Sometimes they may feel that people are out
there to get them. If you suffer from any of these dilemmas, you
might be on the brink of a breakdown. This article will help you
control negative emotions and thus repress ill feelings and
despair and at the same time, anxiety treatment.
Having a closed perspective can lead you to accumulate your
heated feelings and when it does, it can harm you inwardly.
Accepting that you have a crisis is a step towards resolution.
You need to recognize the core of your problem and then find the
best solution to overcome it. When you have looked deep inside
you, you may find that there are important things that you may
have forsaken all this while. If your problem is people, then
you need to see a doctor because this is a clear sign of mental
instability.
Chemical disproportion of the brain for people who suffer from
anxiety and depression can cause your brain to fool you into
thinking about something non existent. When you always get the
feeling that people are staring at you, you should constantly
remind yourself that people are not always busy with other
people but are only aware of the changes around them. They are
just as conscious as you are about their surroundings. If that
is still too much for you, just try to go on with your life. You
may also want to seek anxiety disorder medication to help you
with these ailments as well.
Are the daily chores and duty putting you down? Do your kids
drive you up the walls? Why is it that these things tend to
affect you more that others around you? That is what you think.
The truth is everybody goes through the challenges of life at
some point. All you need to do is to relieve yourself from the
burden and get away from it all once in a while. You can do
something that you enjoy for a change. Exercising can also
release tension. This also helps you achieve a healthier mind
and body.
Don’t try to control something you cannot simply control. Try
to let go and search for ways you can do to solve your problems.
Try to be reasonable with yourself. There is no rush in trying
to achieve everything in a short time. You need to be stress
free to be happy. And when you are happy, you can live your life
to the fullest and be all you want to be in life. However,
always remember to take one step at a time.
It is important to pamper your self each day. Learn some coping
relaxation response techniques that benefit both your mind and
body. If you feel overwhelmed, you might want to inhale and
exhale breaths for up to 10 counts. Curling up on a couch and
watching a favorite movie can benefit your mind and body if you
are letting your thoughts go.
Learn to be content with what you have. Don’t go about thinking
that you can take hold of something that is impossible. Choose
to control your emotions rather than suppressing them.
Therefore, if you don’t learn to manage your anger, it may
emerge from you in the most unpredictable and hideous ways.

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Ways For Coping With Anger

2009-01-18T04:57:00.001-08:00

Anger is a real problem in today’s society, and for this reason
it is important that we learn how to cope with anger issues.
Everyone at some time or another in their lives has experienced
anger and perhaps even lashed out in anger.
Anger is a natural emotion, because we all get hurt,
aggravated, insulted, or feel threatened from time to time.
Anger can be your greatest ally or your greatest foe.
For example, if we feel threatened by another person and we
express our anger in a controlled way, the outcome can be
favorable. Conversely, if we get out of control, the situation
can escalate and become worse than it was before.
Having control of our emotions assists us in life by protecting
us and being successful. We are better equipped to handle crisis
situations when they occur, such as a financial predicament or
medical emergency. However, if we allow our anger to get the
better of us, we put our health and well-being at risk.
It is not uncommon for someone to ignore the problem in dealing
with anger. The person might be in denial of any negative
behavior he or she has exhibited. Denial is a big reason why
some people never deal with their problems, or their anger.
Another reason is that acceptance of mental health issues has
never really occurred. Mental health experts often debate over
the pros and cons of diagnosis. They will inform the patient
that diagnosing their condition is only creating a label that
can put the patient into struggle. I disagree with this because
it is important that a person know what is wrong with them
before they can deal with the problem effectively.
Diagnosis can lead to acceptance. Another problem is that a
person is misdiagnosed several times before a professional
finally figures out what the problem really is, which can cause
stress and confusion for the individual. Knowing the origin
often makes it easier to deal with the problem.
Anger is an emotion that has been created by some type of
force, person, or situation. If this problem is allowed to
continue untreated, it only gets worse. A person can only take
so much before they blow their top at some point.
Other problems come from mental health issues, excessive
alcohol consumption, or even drugs. Not everyone with anger
problems has a problem with alcohol and/or drugs, but in some
instances, it is an added problem that requires professional
attention.
Similarly, not everyone with mental health issues is an
alcoholic or drug addict, and not everyone with a mental health
issue has anger issues.
The problem then is concealed within the mind. Somewhere in the
lifetime of the person, their emotions were broken up. Somewhere
in the person’s life he or she was not given the tools to deal
with emotions effectively.
Emotions are complicated and they can sap the life from a
person. Therefore, when we know how to cope with our anger and
other emotions, we are on a path to success.
Nothing feels more gratifying than feeling a sense of control
and personal achievement. It is vital to seek help and find
someone that can be trusted, in order to for a person with anger
issues to deal properly with those emotions.
Our behavior and reactions are based on environment, functions,
and attitudes. When we are in an environment that is not good,
then it is time get out of that situation. Bad relationships
limit our growth.
Surrounding yourself with positive people can benefit your
behaviors. Functions are the processes we all deal with daily.
When our body and mind are not performing together in a healthy
way, we are going to lose control.
Our attitudes contribute to anger in that if we are thinking
negatively, negative things will likely happen. Therefore, by
practicing positive thinking, you will improve your life and be
better able to manage your emotions and feelings, including
anger. The best ways for coping with anger depend on the
situation and people involved.

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Anger Management Technique: What Is Anger?

2009-01-18T04:49:00.000-08:00

Anger is a growing issue that is hitting our generation with its full force. With abusive relationships, road rage and violent attacks all on the increase – is our society more like a pressure cooker – and if so, what can we do about it? I remember a good few years back seeing the eruption into the limelight of road rage after a man was stabbed to death at the road side. Unfortunately it has become one of those stories that we see so often that it is sadly something that rarely shocks us anymore. In the last few years we have also watched the behaviour of ‘air rage’ also thrust into the limelight. Let’s hope that this doesn’t become just another norm in our increasingly pressurised world.
Doing the job that I do as a hypnotherapist I have dealt with many cases from men and woman that just get a little flustered when they don’t get their own way or can’t get their point across. I have also dealt with people that in the same types of situations have used unacceptable force to make their opinions known. Unfortunately the difference in these two types of people is sometimes only time as if they don’t learn to control their anger, it will ultimately get worse. The other thing that I notice when helping anger management clients is that it tends to be a Jackal and Hyde situation where they can actually be really nice people – until they get angry.
Nearly all of my past and present anger management clients have said that it is almost like other people are pressing their buttons or are winding them up when they get angry. However this is not true as what really is happening is that when a person becomes angry, they become more sensitive to certain things that are going on around them. Because of this sensitivity and anger that it is associated to, an angry person can perceive that someone else is winding them up, even is the other person is actually trying to help.
As a hypnotherapist, there are many techniques and ways of doing things that I can utilise to help with anger management in order to assist a client in bringing their emotions under control and also to communicate their points of view effectively. In fact, communication is a large part of the process as when a person can get the results that they want with someone else without losing control or flying off the handle then there is no need for anger to be used as a mechanism to get ones point across.

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How Anger Affects Your Body

2009-01-18T04:47:00.000-08:00

Anger affects our body in many ways.
When we are angry we often feel stressful, betrayed, hurt, our
body is tense and our stomach is in knots. When we feel this
way, the world seems to tumble around us and our best friend has
packed up and left us behind.
The loneliness creeps in and often we feel that the whole world
is an illusion and everyone is out of his or her minds. There
are times we want to run and hide and there are times we simply
want to find the source that caused our hurt and beat them to a
bloody pulp. We know we cannot do this since it is illegal and
it does not help our problems.
Rather when we blow up fusing our anger on someone else, we are
only adding heartache to heartache. Sometimes we all fail to see
that there is a solution to many problems, but when we use up
our last resources and nothing is left then where do we turn?
How do we find our way out?
If you are feeling like there is nothing left in the world for
you and that, you have run out of answers to the many questions
then you are not alone.
One effective way to look at your situation is to know that
someone else is suffering worse than you are. Forcing your mind
to remain positive can help when times are tough to deal with.
When you have been betrayed, robbed, manipulated, lied to, hurt
and you feel that the person is getting away with something.
Remember, the bad people always pay a higher price than what
they induce on the victim.
It may take some time, but you will see in the end that the bad
person will pay a high price for his or her behavior. If you
have been victimized rather than venting your anger in a
negative light, trying using your intellect and resources to
enforce that the source is paying for the crime committed
against you...
If you are merely struggling from common problems then remember
sufficient for each day and take it one day at a time.
Try to find some humor in your situation. Laughter is always a
source for relieving anger. When you feel your stomach knot, try
to focus on something positive and go do your chores. Anytime we
burn energy, we are burning emotions that are the root of anger.
If you enjoy writing, sit down and write an article, book,
story, or a simple journal. Write down your feelings, how you
view the world, and the people in the world. Try to find a way
to put some humor between the lines so that you can laugh when
you look back at what you wrote.
If you body is tense go for a walk and try to admire the
beautiful scenery that God provided us. Remember when you are
walking that something good comes from bad. This may not make
sense, but if you look back at your many problems and how you
dealt with them, you will see a series of good fortunes that
came your way.
We can all make more of a situation than what really exists and
we all need to stay focused to survive the game of life.
If you feel that you are centered out for punishment, then
think of the men in war, the children in abused homes, or the
wives that are tortured by their own spouse.
Now look at your situation again.
Are you homeless?
Do you have a roof over your head?
Do you have food in your kitchen?
Do you have your bills paid?
If this is true then why are you mad?
Anytime we are angered, our body is affected and this causes
harm to our health. Is anything worth destroying your
self-being, including your body and mind?
Is anything worth loosing your respect?
If you are angry, think before you act, because impulsive
behavior leads to problems that are more complicated. When you
feel like the world is tumbling down, pick up your torture stake
and walk another mile.
We all deal with rejections as it is a part of life, but anger
does not have to explode when rejections are required.

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Anger Management, The Best Way Is Not Always The Hard Way

2009-01-18T04:45:00.000-08:00

Unlike other emotions, anger can cause negative effects on our
health. When you get angry, your body displays physiological
changes like sweating, increased heart beats and even increased
temperature. If your body is not in good physical condition,
anger could probably strain your heart and increase your blood
pressure. Of course, everybody knows that people with heart
conditions should avoid getting angry.
Learning how to control your anger is very difficult. It would
take a lot of will power and discipline. You can always look for
a method or technique which effectively controls your anger. The
key is finding one that you feel comfortable with.
Relaxation Techniques
If you feel that you can control your anger on your own, you
can try several relaxation techniques. Whenever you feel that
you are getting angry, you should take deep breaths. Deep
breathing would slow down your heart rate and take your focus
away from your anger. Another effective method is by counting
numbers until your anger subsides. This exercise will also help
you focus on other things besides your angry emotions.
Psychotherapy
When your anger has become uncontrollable and is affecting your
work and relationships, it is time to seek professional help.
The most qualified professional to help you would be a
psychiatrist. You will have to undergo psychotherapy which
includes counseling, group sessions and even medication. Just be
careful when taking these prescription drugs since they could be
addictive. Your therapist would try to uncover the reason behind
your anger and help you confront whatever issues you might have.
Hypnotherapy
Although this method is relatively new in treating or
controlling anger, hypnotherapy is considered to be very
effective. The treatment involves hypnotism, wherein your
subconscious will be targeted. The hypnotherapist would make
suggestion while you are hypnotized and alter your anger
behavior. The treatment could also uncover some clues from your
past to help determine the cause of your anger.
Compared to psychotherapy, hypnotherapy is less expensive and
provides faster results. Depending on your situation, you can
undergo a single session to as many as three sessions before you
can see the results. You should make sure that your
hypnotherapist is qualified and have the necessary experience.
Controlling your anger is very important since it shows a level
of emotional maturity. You would be able to have better
relationships and you would see your efforts pay off since you
will better all the time.

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Anger Management Success

2009-01-18T04:42:00.000-08:00

To experience anger is a part of human nature. We tend to have
this feeling when we are subjected to conditions which we do not
desire or are not appealing to us. It evokes reactions within
our system and causes us to react in a certain way. People
handle anger in different ways.
Reasons for feeling anger vary and could be unique from person
to person. It could be a misunderstanding between two people, an
act causing displeasure to another party, a conversation leading
to an argument, an untoward behavior, and dissatisfaction over a
product or service rendered to you or it could be just because
of petty things. Anger does not follow a certain pattern. The
thing is, same as how natural it is for us to be happy, sad,
depressed or excited. You get angry as a human being.
Human beings have different ways of releasing anger. There are
also different intensities of experiencing it. At times, it
could go away as soon as you regain your composure or have
managed to be calm. It could subside as soon as you choose to
just forget about it. But, there are also cases where the person
would feel so intensely that it would lead him to act
aggressively or even express his feeling through violent means.
This is where the problem comes in. When your reaction becomes
destructive to your self as well as others or to things around
you, then you need to come up with ways to properly address your
emotions. This situation creates the need for anger management.
First, you need to be aware that you are an angry person. You
have to acknowledge that you have a problem. Then, you must be
determined to improve your behavior and your tendency to react.
Analyze your self and think of what usually triggers you to be
mad. You must consider the ways you usually manifest your anger.
Focusing your attention on improving the way you think, behave
and act when angry could also help. Make it a point to avoid
having this feeling; Stay calm and control your feelings. Doing
this could be a great challenge for some.
If you have exhausted all means that you can come up in
managing your anger, perhaps the expertise of a hypnotherapist
can help. They can help you understand your condition and try to
manage your effectively via hypnotism. In as short as a single
session, you can feel less angry and more relaxed.

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Forgive For Less Marital Anger

2009-01-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

Stacy’s partner of twelve years does not come home one evening
and she knew he was with a former lover. He begged for another
chance with Stacy, but her pride and anger held her back. Stacy
said she would feel like a fool if she forgave him, even though
she still loved him. Stacy didn’t end the relationship, but
reminds him daily of what he did to her.
Should Stacy forgive her otherwise good husband for what he
did? Of course, only Stacy can make this decision.
Fact is, most marriages cannot survive knowledge of an affair,
but some do and can even grow stronger in the long run.
Stacy and others who struggle with forgiveness for all kinds of
marital offenses (not only affairs) can be helped in their
decision by considering the following misconceptions about
forgiveness:
MISCONCEPTION #1
Forgiving means that you forget about the offense.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Even though you
forgive, you may never forget (and probably shouldn’t) what
happened to you.
However, you can tell that you have truly forgiven an offense
when you can remember it without experiencing the emotional pain
connected with it.
MISCONCEPTION #2
Forgiving means that you are saying what they did was okay.
Quite the opposite. We can still forgive, but see what happened
to us as unjust, unfair, or unacceptable.
There are many things that our partners can do to us that we
don’t deserve or that violate the contract, covenant, or
agreement you have with each other.
Yet, we can forgive by realizing that perhaps they were
misguided, or flawed and thus worthy of another chance.
MISCONCEPTION #3
In order to forgive, you need to tell your partner that you
forgive them.
Actually, it often backfires if you go up to someone and say “I
forgive you,” especially if they see themselves as a victim
instead of seeing themselves as someone who warrants
forgiveness.
Fact is, forgiveness occurs in your heart— not in the telling
someone that you forgive them.
There are exceptions to this, however, and circumstances under
which you might want to discuss your forgiveness of them—but
only if you think that it will not cause further harm.
For instance, Ruth’s husband asked for her forgiveness
following a gambling spree which put the family in financial
peril. After one year of rehabilitation and a “clean” record,
Ruth told him that she now forgave him.
MISCONCEPTION #4
If you forgive, it means you will trust them again immediately.
Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. Even after
forgiveness, it may take a long time to re-build trust.
To instantly trust your partner again after being violated is
not a sign of good mental health or strong self-esteem.
Doing this may also send a message to your partner that they
may continue to violate your trust with little fear of actually
having to suffer the consequences.
Marital trust must be re-earned after an offense, based on good
behavior— not just smooth words or empty promises.
MISCONCEPTION #5
After forgiving, you will automatically feel positive feelings
again for your partner.
The opposite of anger is not love. Absence of angry feelings
doesn’t necessarily create warm, positive feelings— sometimes it
simply creates neutral ones.
In many cases, of course, it is impossible to ever rekindle the
love feelings— even after forgiveness. This is common with
ex-partners who learn to let go of the
anger connected with the divorce issues, but never love each
other again.
MISCONCEPTION #6
Forgiveness occurs all at once.
Not necessarily. Maybe you can start by forgiving maybe
10%—just open the door—and then see how your partner behaves.
After a period of time, you might open the door a little wider
and let go of a little more anger until you are truly able to
forgive 100%

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The Best Ways To Deal With Anger

2009-01-18T04:34:00.001-08:00

Anger is an emotion that you feel when something irritates you.
It can be just a small annoyance or full blown out rage. Your
perception of anger was learned, in the form of beliefs and
values that were instilled in you. Usually, in the early stages
of your emotional development. When any of your beliefs or
values are questioned or transgressed, you may feel anger. The
degree of intensity depends on your state of mind at the
particular time of the incident.
Your feelings of anger are either expressed, as in the form of
arguing or physically lashing out, or suppressed. Suppressed
anger causes negative emotions to dominate, which can lead to
depression. It can also express itself as a physical ailment
such as high blood pressure.
Expressing anger is said to be your better alternative.
Although it may bring you some relief, it also has its downside.
It may compound the problem and it can also affect you
physically. One of the physical side effects is that it lowers
your immune system. What would be one of the best ways to deal
with anger?
Release. The first thing you need to do is to recognize and
admit that you are angry. Never pretend you are not angry when
you know you are. It is widely accepted that people who always
want to be in control seem to suffer mostly from outbursts of
anger. When you are angry, you will notice that you stop
breathing periodically. You may tend to hold your breath, so
keep breathing with intervals of deep breathing. Then, recognize
the problem for what it is, and not for what you think it is.
After all, you are dealing with somebody else’s beliefs and
value system. Just tell yourself, they also have a right to
express their opinions.
When you do get angry, much of the blood in your brain flows to
the back of your head. It goes to the primitive part of the
brain were it automatically prepares you for fight or flight.
The frontal lobes of the brain (in the forehead are) are
associated with thought, pleasure, creativeness, and calmness.
Simply put two fingers on one side of your forehead and your
thumb on the other side, and just gently hold them there while
breathing without any pauses. The blood will flow back to your
frontal lobes, bringing about some calmness. When you feel
relaxed and the issue or issues don’t not bother you anymore,
release your finger and thumb from your forehead. And of course
you can also apply this technique to someone else, and it is
especially effective with infants.
If you require further information, or want to learn more about
EMT (emotional mindeze therapy), visit http://www.mindeze.com.

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Anger Problems Destroy Intimate Relationships

2009-01-17T19:14:00.000-08:00

Anger problems are the cause of a lot of misery in intimate
relationships. The increasing number of anger management classes
available is one way society has attempted to help angry men fix
their problems.
One of the major problems for angry men is the damage that is
done to their relationships with their partners. Often they feel
riddled with guilt over things they have done to the people they
love the most.
Many of these relationships are filled with drama, crisis and
conflict. Here are the common issues that men with anger
problems face in their relationships with women.
1. Lack of intimacy. If your relationship is full of noisy
conflict and then periods of angry silence, chances are you are
not having a happy intimate life with your partner.
To feel intimate with someone you have to be able to trust
them. To be trustworthy you need to be predictable. Angry men
are not very predictable. Women will find it difficult to relax
and be intimate with you because they do not know if you will
suddenly change and become angry or start criticizing them.
2. Controlling behavior. Often angry men will want to decide
what a woman can and can't do, who she can see and where she can
go. This is abusive behavior. Being controlling will cause a lot
of problems in relationships.
Being angry most of the time make some men feel a need to try
and control everything that goes on around them. They mistakenly
believe that by trying to control others they will not lose
control themselves. This is one of the key thought distortions
that anger management classes can help men to change.
3. Blaming and criticism. Angry men lash out at others in an
attempt to avoid facing their real feelings and taking
responsibility for their lives. Often this is quite unconscious.
They are not aware of why they use have angry outbursts or how
to stop them.
Often they do not have the ability to manage feelings of grief,
sadness or anxiety. Being angry is more acceptable for men in
our society than being sad or anxious. This is a subtle pressure
of men to manage their emotions with action instead of talking
them over or expressing them truthfully.
This type of anger problem will affect your relationships with
women, particularly if you swear and become aggressive with your
partner when angry. Blaming and criticizing your partner will
lead to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long
run. Living with a critical partner causes women to feel unhappy
in a relationship. Criticizing a woman will not change her
behavior; it will only cause more ill feelings between you.
Anger management classes can be very effective in helping men
recognize these patterns and begin to change them. The internet
has made it possible to take online anger management classes in
the privacy of your own home. Learning effective methods to
manage you anger problem can improve your relationships with
women and reduce conflict.

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How to Handle Autism Anger in the Teenage Years

2009-01-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

Teens with autism can sometimes be faced with behaviors – such
as autism anger – which are beyond their control. Anger can
occur in many forms but often takes the shape of violence or
tantrums.
When it comes to handling uncontrolled anger, it is typically
recommended that whenever possible, you should not look at the
person, not talk to them, and not touch them (unless it is for
your own or their safety). Essentially, do not add to their
overstimulation and refrain from doing anything that might add
fire to the flames. Many parents find that over time, angry
outbursts are reduced when no one reacts to them.
Ignoring this kind of behavior will no doubt be hard at first.
After all, when your child was little, anger was easier to
control because you could either physically stop him or her from
throwing the tantrum or distract them with a toy or favorite
object. However, once your child has entered the teenage years,
then he or she will be too big to deal with physically and
bribery with a favorite object tends to be less effective. So
unless he or she is breaking things, hurting others or
themselves, it’s best to stay out of the way and let the anger
wear off.
Autism anger in teens can be quite frightening. Behaviors can
escalate to the point where others are at risk of being harmed.
In fact, tantrum behaviors can even be seen as criminal in some
cases, should the loss of control result in destroying
possessions or hurting others.
The following steps are often recommended for parents who have
teens who occasionally suffer from autism related anger
outbursts. They should be used when and if applicable, and not
necessarily in this order:
- Resist intervening – as was mentioned earlier, by remaining
calm and out of the way the tantrum should fade much more
quickly because it won’t have outside stimulation to spur it on.
- Ensure safety – make sure that you, your child, and anyone
else in the area are safe. If your autistic teen is simply
screaming, pounding their feet, and doing other similar
activities, and if there is nobody else in the area, it’s
usually best to simply leave the room or area and get yourself
to a safe place. That way, you’re not only protecting yourself
from harm, but you’re removing yourself altogether. Sometimes
simply being alone is enough to have the teen calm down.
- Calming People - If there is an individual who you know can
diffuse the situation or is usually able to calm your teen down,
then you may wish to see if they’re available to help. They may
not have to do anything, but simply their presence may be enough
to instill calm. However, this technique only works if there is
a calming person in your teen’s life. This is not always the
case.
- Call for Help – If the situation doesn’t appear to be
improving or if behaviors have become violent or out of control,
then getting some outside help - paramedics, or even the police
- may be the only solution. They will be able to support your
efforts to have your teen calm down and help control any
dangerous behaviors.
Autism anger can be an overwhelming experience for teenagers as
they struggle with fluctuating hormones and fighting for their
independence, but it can also be very upsetting for the parents.
It’s important that once you have the situation under control,
you work through together the cause of the outburst in a calm
and controlled way, without apportioning blame, so that should
the scenario occur in the future steps can be taken to divert
anger before the situation becomes heated.

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Psihology-Anger

2009-01-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

Life is followed by many happenings which push us and lead us to anger.In order to learn how to overcome and beat it, first we must understand what is anger, how it becomes, and how it functions. People differ according to what is angerful for them. For those wholike changes and adventures, monotous thing, withoutchanges can be angerful. For those who like routine end safety, angerful work is one in which changes are often. The thing that for some people is fun for others can be quite angerful.Selfconscious people know how to deal with anger and use it for their own purposes. A thing that for one person is huge barrier on the road, that you can`t go round, for another is just one step which he/she needs to climbon, on the road to success. We, ourselves form our experiencing of reality. The way of interprefaction and experiencing of reality can be the greatest source of anger. The level and the way of taking anger, can change with the years. Many problems and illnesses are a conseguence at the level of anger, which is above our copability ot tolerance.
Positive and negative anger
How strange it sounds, anger, ifselt does not have valuing connotation. It can be positive or negative depending on the way she reacts to the event. Let`s remind: Reality is neutral, we are giving it meaning. Do you attach very big meaning to some problems? Are you occupied with negative thoughts? Do you attach more attention to bad aspects of life than to good aspects of life? Anger causes many different reactions in different people. Usually this anger only has an affect on the person who is angry, occasionally it results in a negative action towards someone else but every now and then it can result in something positive. Anger that is directed in a positive manner is known as positive anger. If something has riled or annoyed you enough to cause a physical response, has you simmering for hours or is an event or issue that causes anger every time you are faced with it or experience it then it may be time to be pro-active and manage your anger is a positive manner. If something has incensed you enough to cause a response such as anger, this may be enough to make a change. This may mean being active in promoting a change or trying to convince others who can make the change happen. If someone is angry enough or is fed up with being made angry time and again by the same trigger, perhaps the same thing is making others annoyed as well and you can team up and decide if and how you can change the circumstance or situation. In order to make changes such as at work or at home a great deal of consideration must be given and a multi-faceted approach should be used taking into account all of the possibilities and alternatives also taking into consideration any opinions of anyone else affected by the change. To do this a detailed plan or proposal may be needed and the more incensed people are to the stimulus the more likely they will be to make a full portfolio of evidence promoting the change. Negative anger is the one that causes alarm reaction of our organism,reaction,” fight or run” and activation of the sympathetic nerv system. Angerful events cause strong emotions, followed by some physical and phisological responses. They are controlled by the simpatie nerv system, nerv whose function is to prepare the organism in the case of danger, for tight or runaway. This typical way of response become very long ago when hymanity was faced with many physical dangers. Although the dangers with wich the modern man is faced rarely love physical nature, our body reacts to them. Physical reactious to anger are the following: Pupils spread to let in more light, sweating is increased,decreasing the possibility of skin in jury.

Doornails In The Balustrade

2009-01-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

I recommend you to read this story, it is very useful to learn why you should control your character and behavior. Many people can be hurt, if you don’t control yourself. Don’t let your tongue be faster that your brain. Think twice before saying something to people, or if you better like, count to tenJ By telling you this wonderful story, you will see on your own, why is so important to control the anger, the character and behavior.

Once upon a time there was a boy, who had a very bed character. He has insulted everybody, when he was nervous, without thinking of how that affects people that were arround him. He simply couldn’t control nis attitude. His father has noticed that, and decided to stop his son. One day the father gave to his son a bag full with doornails. Than he said to his son: Every time when you lose the control of yourself, nail one doornail in the balustrade. The son decided to listen his father’s advice, and started with nailing doornails in the balustrade. On the first day the boy nailed thirty seven doornails. In the next few months the boy had lerned how to control his anger, and releazed that is easier for him to control himself, than to nail doornails in the balustrade every time when he lose the control of his anger. At least, came the day when the boy didn’t nail a doornail in the balustrade. He went to his father, and told him that, that day he hadn’t lose the control of his character. Then his father gave him an other task, and said him: Every time when you will control your attitude take one nail out the balustrade. The days passed by, and then came the day when the boy told his father that has taked all the nails out the balustrate. The father taked his son by the hand and took his son to the balustrade. The he said to him: You had done the right thing my son, but look all these apertures in the balustrade. The balustrade will never be the same again. When you in anger tell some things, they leave stigmatas like are these apertudes in the balustrade.

You can pierce through a man with a knife and take out the knife. Than you can say a milion times sorry, but it isn’t matter any more , you have already pierce through the man. The aperture stays no matter you have apologized. The verbal cut hurts like the physical cut. The friends are rarely precious stones. They make you smile, make you braver to make success in something, they are always ready to hear you when you are in a difficult situation, they share your paint, have a beautiful word for you and they always have an open heart for you. That’s why you should always take care about your behaviour with your friend and your well-beloved.

The boy was very greatfull to his father, and from that day he took care about the way he behaved with his friends and well-beloved, because he didn’t want to lose any of them because of his stupid behaviour. The first thing he did after that day was to apologize to the ones that he had hurted by can’t controling his anger. He knew that the things are already told and now it’s late to change the already said words, but on some way that will make the things a little easier. Also he promised to himself, and to his well-beloved that never again will hurt the ones who means a lot in his life, by his anger.

Tell this story to all of your well-beloved and friends, and let them know how much they mean to you. Tell your friend and well-beloved that you are happy to have them in your life, that is an honor for you the fact that they exist in your life, no matter why and for how long. The imortant thing is that they exist, now and here. And in the end don’t forget to tell your well-beloved that you are very sorry if you have ever made a apertures in their balustrades.

All About Teenage Anger Management

2009-01-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

The number of "angry" teenagers across the world is astonishing
and is on the rise. Teenagers, who deal with anger problems, are
prone to fly off the handle and vent their extreme loathing at
just about anyone and everyone. They go haywire and
out-of-control without realizing the effect their anger can have
on the person bearing the brunt. And the biggest negative aspect
of teenage anger can be that often people mistake it as being a
part of "growing up", when it is a condition that needs to be
treated with proper teenage anger management techniques.

Getting angry is normal, but when the intensity of anger goes
beyond a certain point of acceptance, then professional help
would most certainly help the situation. Teenage anger
management techniques include many options, which every parent
must understand so he can easily decide which teenage anger
management decision or ption is right for his child.
The Two Important Teenage Anger Management Choices
The first teenage anger management option is the obvious one –
behavior therapy. And choosing a child therapist depends on
personal preferences. Before choosing a therapist, the parents
must make it a point to talk to friends and other relations and
get their feelers, in order to find out if any of them has been
caught in a similar situation, and, if so, what had they done
about it. The parents must also take the child's primary care
physician's valued opinion on their child's anger and request
him to recommend a therapist who is best suited for their
child's temperament. Then the parents must obtain the listings
of any available mental health institution. Once all the
recommendations come in from all the sources, the parents must
get referrals and then zero in on a therapist.
Sending teenage children to a boot camp is yet another choice
for teenage anger management options. Even though sending
children to a boot camp is a controversial proposition,
statistics do suggest that legitimate and reliable boot camps
can be beneficial for controlling a teen's anger. The parents
must visit the boot camp and talk to the staff and check out
their reputation. They must find out if the boot camp's program
is academically accredited and if the boot camp is licensed to
work with angry teenagers. Needless to say, parents have to
ensure that the boot camp they are planning to send their angry
teen to is not just safe for him but can also help him in
controlling his anger.
Both the above-mentioned teenage anger management solutions can
work great. But, as you know, every child is different and,
therefore, parents must be patient and take time to come up with
the best individual teenage anger management treatment option
for their child.

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How To Break The Addiction To Anger

2009-01-17T06:43:00.000-08:00

It is easy to become addicted. We are all creatures of habit.
Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in
our lives. When they are disrupted our sense of well being
becomes easily threatened. However, when we depend upon a habit
for our sense of well being, it is easy for it to develop into
an addiction.
Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal
addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict
becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger brings. As the
addiction grows, it consumes more and more of their lives,
producing painful consequences.
The best way to undo an addiction is to look it squarely in the
face, see what triggers it, how it functions become aware of the
false promises it offers and the huge costs we pay. Then we
replace old behaviors with new ones that are easy and enjoyable.
As we dissolve an addiction we regain power back over our lives.
To begin to dissolve the addiction to anger, we will start by
becoming aware. What is the source of this addiction? What
function does it serve?
Functions of Addictions
When we are addicted to anything (anger, substances,
relationships), many troubling aspects of life are blocked out.
Our focus narrows. The addiction numbs us to painful feelings we
may not wish to deal with. The addiction is serving as a defense
against anxiety. It prevents us from seeing and dealing with
issues, which need to be attended to.
In particular, an addiction to anger provides a sense of power.
This is often a defense against feeling helpless or inadequate.
Individuals become blind to the fact that as the addiction
develops, they will need more and more of it to feel okay. Not
only does the dosage increase, but so does the negative impact
upon their lives.
Addiction provides a false sense of security. At first it makes
the individual feel safe and secure. The reality, however, is
that an addiction blinds an individual from doing what needs to
be done to build a life of true value and stability.
Effects Of Addiction To Anger
When we are angry we often have a temporary feeling of
strength, energy,power, authority or control. Much like alcohol,
the surge of anger, which takes over, block out fears,
inhibitions and doubts. There is a temporary sense of freedom
and empowerment that we normally lack.
Anger also blocks out logical thought processes, producing a
sense that we are absolutely right. Some individuals who have
trouble making decisions can make them easily then. Decisions
made while angry often focus only upon a limited aspect of the
situation. These kinds of decisions rarely provide positive
outcomes.
Anger provides a sense of justification. Many actions that
might seem unacceptable when calm seem perfectly fine when we
are angry. Anger also encourages us to blurt out negative
thoughts and feelings we may have been holding in that might
have better gone left unsaid. Of course, after the surge of
anger passes, it is difficult to take these words back. Even if
we apologize the after effects remain.
Dissolving The Addiction To Anger:
1)List the times in which you feel angry or upset
automatically. What person, thoughts, memory or situation brings
this up? For now, just notice this and write it down. As you go
through the day, if another situation strikes you, step back,
notice it, and write it down as well. Rather than reacting
blindly, you are now taking time to become aware. Once you
become fully aware of the way anger operates in your life it
will not be able to sneak up from behind.
2)Find a substitute for the automatic angry reaction. Instead
of reacting the same old way the next time the situation arises,
stop, breathe and tell yourself, I will not be a slave to anger
anymore. Stop and listen to the person and say to yourself,
“This time I will let them be right. There’s plenty of time to
be right later.” See how much better you feel now getting pulled
down into anger.
3)Find a new way of viewing the situation. Instead of seeing
them as an enemy, tell yourself that their anger is a cry for
help. It comes from pain and conflict within. Instead of going
on the attack, say to the person (either in your mind or out
loud), “What can I do to serve you?” Not only will this diffuse
the anger, but will open new doors for both of you to walk
through.

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Why We Get Angry And How To Control Anger

2009-01-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

Anger is an emotional distress which must be checked and not
allowed to grow into a mighty rage. People have died from the
anger of country or group leaders through creation of wars or
through acts of terrorism. Marital abuse, child abuse and
street fights are some of the effects of anger that have gone
out of control.
Usually a person gets angry not out of choice but out of
provocation. The challenge here is to disallow provocation to
influence our emotion and make us do things that we regret
later. If we have a problem in managing our anger, we must
learn to control it before it controls us.
What causes anger? Let us identify the triggers before we get
to how to control it. When we understand where it is coming
from, we will recognize and curb the symptoms.
* Frustration due to obstacles to what we desire or need.
* Pain and discomfort
* Our angry childhood environment
* Personal insult
* Huge ego
How do we control our anger? We cannot control how and when we
get angry but we can control and choose what we want to do with
our anger. If we know that we fly off the handle easily, there
are ways that we can do to manage it.
Expressing anger is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as it is
constructive and serves as a warning. When an anger is
suppressed over a long period of time, there is a possibility of
greater damage when that anger is released eventually. In the
society that we live in it is expected of us to suppress or
repress our anger so be mindful when you choose to keep
something within, you either overcome by forgiving or you let
your feelings known calmly.
We can choose to walk away from a volatile situation to give
ourselves time to recover and reflect. You will begin to see
things in different perspective when you have time to cool off.
Why sweat it and use up a lot of energy in this already
stressful world?
Go drink a glass of water, as water has healing properties. Go
lie down somewhere else and stop focusing on the negative
scenario. Stop giving energy to the anger. In some religious
belief, anger is the devil itself. It sits right on top of your
head and spur you on. Do not give permission for your anger to
breed.
To forgive is to forget and it still holds true. It's a simple
yet powerful way to release the toxic from your system. Say out
loud that no one has the right to offend you without your
permission. When you forgive someone, you forgive yourself too.
Try to look at it with a sense of humour. Laughter is indeed
the best medicine. Another way is through meditation where you
seek peace, clarity and selfempowerment. Or you can release
anger by exercising or brisk walking.
Do a self-evaluation and establish what situation makes you
angry? If ego is always the cause of you anger, then deal with
your ego. Wanting to be right always does not give you the
right to be angry. However if you feel it is beyond you to
overcome your anger by yourself, get professional help.
There is no issue of shame if what you are doing will help
yourself and the people around you.

Anger control is possible once you decide you want to control
it and not let it control you. Walk away, reflect , laugh and
forgive. If it gets too hard, seek help through medication or
alternative healing.

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Anger Management Hypnosis

2009-01-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

As a human being, you are provided with a means to show how you
feel by displaying emotion. Aside from elation, fear and
sadness, anger is considered to be an intense feeling. In
biological terms, anger maybe caused by an interaction with
hormones triggering it. In simple terms, people see anger as an
intense emotion that can be triggered by external and internal
factors.
The fast-paced world has made people ignore anger and yet find
themselves unnaturally irate about small, insignificant things.
Although anger can differ in intensity, it can still be very
destructive. An extremely angry person may not be able to
control his emotions, causing him to behave, think and speak
aggressively.
Aggression is said to be the ultimate expression of anger. If
you find yourself getting angry over trivial matters, you should
consider anger management before you hurt yourself or other
people.
When managing anger, you would be subjected to different
situations where intense feelings would be aroused. By
undergoing such situations, you somehow learn to control your
angry reactions. Although getting extremely angry is considered
to be unhealthy, you should also realize that not getting angry
at all is also bad.
A healthy balance of anger expression and suppression is
recommended. Calming one’s self after an angry episode is very
important in managing anger. People who fail to express anger in
a healthy way are more likely to become hostile or over-critical
of others.
Determining whether you are an angry individual requires some
psychological testing. The intensity and trigger factors of your
anger will be observed. If you think you are feeling too much
anger, then you probably are. Accepting that you are an angry
person and seeking professional help is the first step towards
managing your anger effectively.
There are many simple techniques that you can try to avoid
being extremely angry. For starters, you should do some
breathing exercises to slow down your heart rate. You should
also “talk yourself out” of being angry. Some people do yoga or
other relaxing exercise to provide them with a calm feeling.
Of course, it is important to remember that controlling your
anger is not something that can happen overnight. If you think
you need professional help, you can go to a reliable
Hypnotherapist to help you understand why you are always angry
and look for an effective therapy or solution that will help
manage your anger.

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Getting Things Done By Unleashing Your Anger

2009-01-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of talk about using the power of “positive
thinking” in order to get what you want out of life. The general
consensus is that the more you keep your mind tuned to your
Personal Positive Network, the faster you will attain the things
that you want in life.
That is all very true. However, is it the ONLY path?
As humans, we realize that something in our lives is good
because we compare it to something bad. We know what a full
stomach feels like because we know what it is like to be hungry.
We know what a white shirt looks like because we compare it to a
black shirt. We perceive “good” in the world by comparing it to
our perception of “evil”.
The human existence is one of contrast – we experience things
as being either pleasurable or not so pleasurable based on our
perception of the opposite of that thing. Without contrast there
can be no good or bad, there can be no right and wrong, and
there can be no black and white.
If you think of happiness as a positive emotion, then you must
also have experienced sadness. If you think of money as being
something that makes you happy, then you must have realized what
it is like to not have enough of it. If you think of perfect
health and weight loss as being keys to your joy, then you must
also have the knowledge of what it means to be overweight or
unhealthy.
So, bearing all of that in mind, if we are supposed to attain
our goals in life by positive thinking, a question is then
raised about what happens to everything that we don’t perceive
as “positive”.
Based on the fact that we experience positive things by
comparing them to what we perceive as negative, then the fact
remains that the negative things MUST exist. They have to be
“out there” somewhere, or else we wouldn’t have anything to
judge our positive feelings and experiences on.
Let’s jump ahead to a time in your life when you will
experience some of that negativity. It’s bound to happen
eventually, if you’re not already dealing with it frequently.
Eventually you will have something that – no matter how hard you
try – brings about a negative reaction or situation in your
life.
If you are truly skilled in the art of positive thinking, then
these circumstance will be rare, and they will pass quickly.
However, the fact remains that regardless of how much of a
positive person you are, there will come a time when you have to
deal with something that you consider to be negative.
In a classic state of irony if one ever existed, it is possible
for you to USE that negativity to achieve a positive result!
Here are 3 examples:
1) Mental – If something bad happens to you or becomes a factor
in your life, you can embrace that negativity as a reminder of
what you DON’T want in your life. If that negativity is brought
about by a bad relationship, then embrace the fact that you will
never be in that kind of relationship again because you now know
what you DON’T want. You can take positive steps towards making
sure that your next relationship has none of the negative
aspects of the previous one. That same concept could be applied
to almost any negative situation that affects you mentally.
2) Physical – When you are upset about something – especially
angry or frustrated –then exercise! Pound out your frustrations
on the treadmill or weight training floor. Take a kickboxing
class or use a punching bag. Go hit the sidewalk and see if you
can break your personal land-speed record for the 2-mile run. In
a nutshell, use your negative emotions as POWER to juice up a
great workout. The positive side effects are that you will feel
much better after your brain releases the exercise-induced
endorphins, and you will also be more calm when you return home
or to work where the negativity was introduced to you in the
first place. Also, you get to be more healthy!
3) Task List – Using the same example as when you exercise,
take that bottled up negative energy and explode it onto the
things that you have to get done in life. You would be amazed at
how fast you can clean your house from top to bottom when
properly motivated, or how quickly you can knock task after task
off of your to-do list when you are screaming around with the
power and the speed of a freight train behind you!
None of the words in this article are meant to imply that you
should try to find negativity in your life just so you can
energize your personal output. You should also not focus on your
negativity and use it’s power as a “crutch” to get through life
or to stay on top of your responsibilities.
No, as this article started out saying, being positive IS the
way to go, and you can use the power of positivity to literally
build the life of your dreams.
However, when life throws you a curve ball and you have no
choice but to deal with negativity, then turn it into a positive
thing by doing something good with it!

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Anger Management Seminars

2009-01-17T06:01:00.000-08:00

If you have problems controlling your temper, you may want to
consider enrolling in one of the many popular anger management
seminars. There are sure to be some available in your area. If
not, you can always suggest that a social services organization
sponsor one of these anger management seminars. They are helpful
and often fun ways to deal with a potentially distressing
problem that can affect the lives of many people.
First, learn a little bit more about anger management in
general, and anger management seminars, in particular, by
visiting websites like anger-management-information.com. There
you can access loads of helpful information about anger
management techniques, training, and support, as well as other
useful data. Although some sites may not list locations of
actual anger management seminars in your area, you can find one
near you by browsing the telephone directory yellow pages or
white business pages. Then all you have to do is call the listed
number for details.
Why Enroll in Anger Management Seminars?
Anger management seminars are held for people who have trouble
controlling their tempers. They may be prone to unexpected
verbal outbursts, or they might act out their anger in
unacceptable ways by raising their voice, arguing with others on
little provocation, or becoming physically violent and possibly
hurting themselves or others, as well as perhaps damaging
furniture or other items. Sometimes you just can’t reason with
people who get out of control in this fashion. That’s when an
expert may be able to offer advice, therapy, suggestions, or
group dynamics to provide support for someone struggling with
anger management.
People of all ages may need to register for anger management
seminars. Even children can sometimes lose control when they are
overcome by extremely negative emotions stemming from family
issues, emotional trauma, or other hurtful situations. Aged
people with dementia or other conditions also struggle with
anger, sometimes, and may need help in learning to redirect
their frustrations and irritations in appropriate ways.
Recovering addicts, chronic abusers, and the girl next door all
may have the common need for learning how to manage stress and
avoid acting out their anger in ways that are harmful to
themselves or to others.
What Happens in Anger Management Seminars?
If you decide to attend one or more anger management seminars,
you will probably meet a trained therapist or psychologist who
will teach the group about anger as an emotion and its suitable
as well as unsuitable manifestations. You will meet other people
who are learning to recognize the triggers to their angry
outbursts, and everyone can exchange ideas for what works and
what doesn’t in learning to process difficult emotions. You may
be offered print or other media resources that can be taken home
and utilized when needed. Perhaps you will receive individual
counseling that will assist you in addressing unresolved
personal or family issues that may be the source of unmanaged
anger.
Give some thought to your emotional displays to decide whether
anger management seminars may have something to offer you.

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How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger

2009-01-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son
how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was
taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on
the radio to the right. He did and the airplane turned to the
right.
This was repeated several more times until the airplane turned
full circle toward the son, ready to land. “Push the stick to
the right,” said Jim. This time, however, the plane turned left.
“Push the stick left,” Jim said. Now the plane turned right, as
if it suddenly had a mind of its own.
“I’m confused,” said the son. “How do I know which way to push
the stick when the plane behaves differently depending on if
it’s flying away from me or toward me?”
“It’s simple,” said Jim. “Simply imagine you’re in the plane
and push the stick accordingly.” This cured the problem.
What a great lesson in empathy – the ability to experience the
world from another perspective, often the perspective of another
person.
As an anonymous English author wrote: “To empathize is to see
with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and
to feel with the heart of another.”
Why is empathy important? The real world bottom line is that
lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to
understand others. Lack of empathy leads to all sorts of
problems in our world. Nations go to war, people are killed,
couples divorce – all for a lack of empathy and understanding.
It is natural to become angry when frustrated or irritated with
people who do or say things at variance with our worldview.
To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a
combination of their behavior and our lack of empathy. While we
cannot control other’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors, we most
certainly can increase our empathy skills.
To control our anger with increased empathy, three basic skills
are required: listening, self-awareness and acceptance.
Empathic listening is a type of listening that goes further
than ordinary listening. This type of listening uses another
person’s point of view to see the world as others see it. It
provides a higher level of understanding of how others feel.
Self-awareness occurs as you better understand your own
thoughts and feelings. You are then better able to understand
the thoughts and feelings of someone else. The more open we are
to our own feelings, the more skilled we become at reading
someone else’s feelings, and generally the less angry we feel
toward them.
Acceptance, on the other hand, is the ability to see that
others have a right to their “ridiculous” feelings. We must
allow people to have feelings without telling them how they
should feel. We cannot stop others from having feelings.
Empathic people understand that feelings are difficult to
control. When we accept others as they are, it simply means that
we understand that they are doing the best they can at the time.
Remember, if they could do any better, they probably would.
Acceptance of others’ feelings is not easy when people act
differently than we do. We all have difficulty with those who
are different. By learning the skill of empathy, we will be
better able to understand ourselves and others.
Here are five simple rules to be more empathetic.
1. Pay attention to the feelings that others express. Watch for
both verbal and nonverbal clues. Try to understand the message
behind the words and actions.
2. Place the feelings of other’s ahead of your own. Put aside
your own needs and ideas long enough to listen to another’s
point of view.
3. Communicate your understanding. Respond or give answers to
the messages you receive to show you understand them.
4. Do not interrupt. Let speakers finish what they are saying
before you talk.
5. Ask for more information. If you still don’t understand, ask
more questions until you fully understand.

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The Matrix of Anger

2009-01-17T05:51:00.000-08:00

When we experience an emotion it creates an energy that
emanates out of our body. This energy goes out to the world just
like millions of other energies from millions of people that
reside on the planet. These unintentional projections resonate
with other similar thought patterns and build a resonating
frequency together. For example the sadness in a community that
are grieving for someone that everyone knew can make the
experience more intense. It would be the same in an impoverished
neighborhood in that the feeling of lack would be more
dominating.
The conglomeration of energy becomes a matrix that sets a
community, a city, a country or a planet into a mindset. If we
feel into the tempo of a country like the United States there
are some interesting matrixes established.
It is funny that we are the richest nation in the world yet
most people are persistent in seeing what they lack instead of
grateful for what the have. We are a nation that has had a high
incidence of wartime and has had a very aggressive history
within our country.
It is in my opinion the matrix of the mindsets of anger and
lack is prevalent in this country. It is a consciousness driven
by our unconsciousness, to stimulate fears within us. If we take
the mindset of lack there are multitudes of messages to reminder
what we are missing in life that we see countless examples in
our media, in those we associate with and with our political
leaders.
How many commercials on television do we see that attempt
manipulate us in believing that we are not cool unless we drive
a certain car or own a specific brand of fashion? In the
government our leaders remind us of what we have not have in our
society, yet we are the wealthiest nation in the history of the
world.
A disappointing part of this reality is of lack or anger is it
has become an addiction to hook into the energies. In a nutshell
when we become angry it stimulates our adrenal glands and
various other parts of our body. If we are angry or around the
anger of others regularly our adrenals are being bombarded from
it. Our body acclimates to the energy so eventually we do not
feel normal unless we have the stimulus of anger. Our mind and
body will find a conscious or unconscious way to bring it into
our life. Of course as we emote this we send the energy out to
the matrix.
Changing these ever-present vibrations of limited thought forms
can be done in a variety of ways. A great place to begin is with
an individual confronting his or her own fears and limitations.
Another way that is practiced in various spiritual modalities
such as prayer, meditation, chanting and amongst other forms.
In important fact is that nature is separate from all of the
matrixes of limited mindsets. It does not have a brain or ego to
limit it. We can learn from a species that has a different
reference of living and at the same time maintain our cognitive
reality. How? Perceiving the energy of that life form and
bringing into our life or body. The basic premise of living
boils down to energy not the brain, mind, ego, thoughts or
emotions. We create life with energy so why not direct it to
creating the dreams that you would love to have. [----]
Using the tools Of Access Energy Transformation the energetic
limitations of emotions and the places that they are connected
can be cleared. Learn to live a great life with the tools of
Access.

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Why Do We Need To Control Anger?

2009-01-17T05:21:00.000-08:00

It is often difficult to preserve control of your natural
impulses while others close to us make us angry. It can be still
more difficult with the cost of living raising every year and
bringing more pressure into our lives, and as if that is not
sufficient the legal and political system is regularly putting
more stress on us everyday.
Most of us deal with the stressors in life as they come our
way, but a few of us cannot and become out of control.
Management is frequently the best answer for treating anger; but
then, the individual must be ready to admit their actions are
leading to more problems and be prepared to obtain a solution.
If a person react violently, verbally abusive, assaulting
others and so on, it not only leads to trouble for the person
that is out of control, it also causes difficulties for others.
Normally when a person has anger issues he or she will attack
other people perhaps physically or mentally or even both. The
angry person will often attack in a way that belittles,
humiliates, harms, or threatens another. This person truly needs
to learn to manage his or her anger, because anybody around him
or her is affected to a certain amount.
Anger is mainly the inability to restrain our basic impulses,
needs and emotions. If a person is out of contact with his
emotions, it frequently creates a chaotic mind. Anger is not
necessarily a bad thing, when and if a person is threatened; it
is always good to have an amount of anger to protect you, but
when a person doesn't have any control at all then it will lead
to problems.
Anger, sadness, joy and happiness are all parts of our
emotions, and when we have those emotions in control we can live
a productive life. However, when we begin to target or attack
others then it is more and more difficult for us to handle our
life and anger.
One clearly recognized example is school bullying, for a few
children going to school is a nightmare, each day a bully will
antagonize this child pushing him beyond his limit of control.
The child may hold his feelings in for a period, but eventually
he or she is going to loose control, due to the fact that none
of us is prepared to continue permitting someone to make our
lives miserable.
Sorry to say, when this child gets to his or her limit and
returns the attack on the other youngster, he then becomes the
culprit and is frequently punished. The bully could quite often
get away with his actions, and once the victim takes action he
or she is frequently punished. The school personnel will often
say why didn't you tell me what was going on? However, the fact
is the child most likely told the personnel and in my
experiences, they seldom act. The out come is that now we have
two children with anger troubles and more people in trouble.
This is merely one of the numerous reasons why a person
cultivates anger to the point at which they feel they have to
retaliate.
Each time we are angry we feel it in our body and mind. Our
body will often tense up if we feel angry. If you feel this
tension then it is time to step back and take control. Ask
yourself, why am I mad? Why do I feel this way? Asking yourself
questions might help you find the answers if you search your
mind hard enough.
Generally after a person has developed a level of anger that is
out of control, they will frequently strike out at people even
if there is no justifiable reason. The person may have just
moved something that belonged to that person and they respond by
saying something like, you stupid moron, why in the hell did you
move my belongings? I cannot believe how stupid you are. Why do
you bother breathing? This is completely inappropriate behavior;
the angry person may attack physically by kicking, hitting,
punching, spitting, or causing other types of harm to the
individual. It is vital to get management in play if you have
anger problems.
If you cannot control your emotions then one day, someone will
control them for you. Anger is great if you have it under
control, but when you loose control somebody, someday will pay
and that someone in most cases will be you as well as the trail
of victims you leave behind you.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

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How Your Outlook Influences Health And Your Ability To Control Anger

2009-01-17T04:56:00.000-08:00

The situation: Jane and Anthony have differing ways of viewing
the world. Jane is a pessimist (the glass is half-empty), while
Anthony is an optimist (the glass is half-full). These outlooks
influence how they experience similar situations.
Scene 1: Job loss. Jane is devastated, convincing herself that
she is all washed up, she can never catch a break, it is useless
for her to try to be successful, and she is never going to
succeed at anything.
Anthony, however, has a healthier inner dialogue. He tells
himself he may not have been good at that particular job, his
skills and his company’s needs did not mesh and being fired was
only a temporary setback in his career.
Scene 2: New jobs. Offered a new job, Jane, the pessimist,
believes she was able to find a new job only because her
industry is now really desperate for people and must have
lowered their standards to hire her.
Anthony, however, feels he landed the new job because his
talents were finally recognized and he will now be appreciated
for what he can do.
As these examples illustrate, optimists tend to interpret their
troubles as transient, controllable and specific to situations.
Recent research by Dr. Martin Seligman confirms this.
When good things happen, optimists believe the causes are
permanent, resulting from traits and abilities. Optimists
further believe that good events will enhance everything they
do.
Pessimists, on the other hand, believe their troubles will last
forever, will undermine everything they do, and are basically
beyond their control. When good things happen to pessimists,
they see them as temporary and caused by specific factors that
will eventually change and lead to negative outcomes.
Optimism creates better resistance to depression when bad
events strike, better performance at work and better physical
health.
In fact, one long term study at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester,
MN, found that optimists lived 19% longer than pessimists.
Optimism is also a powerful antidote to anger. Many
participants in our anger management classes report their anger
lessening as they learn to replace negative thinking with
positive thinking.
Here’s some good news for negative thinkers: You can learn how
to replace pessimism with optimism.
The starting point is to access your vulnerability to
pessimistic thinking by taking the self-evaluation test you can
find at www.authentichappiness.org
Your responses will be compared to thousands of other people in
various categories, down to your Zip Code.
If you scored lower than you’d like, you can become more
optimistic. As Dr. Seligman writes in Authentic Happiness, his
latest book: ‘the trait of optimism is changeable and
learnable.’
There is now a well-documented method for building optimism.
It’s based on first, recognizing, and then disputing,
pessimistic thoughts.
People often do not pay attention to their thoughts and thus do
not recognize how destructive they can be in leading to negative
emotions. The key is to recognize your pessimistic thoughts and
then treat them as if they were uttered by someone else – an
external person, a rival, whose mission in life is to make you
miserable!
Basically, you can become an optimist by learning to disagree
with yourself – challenging your pessimistic thinking patterns
and replacing them with more positive patterns.

Note: This view of optimistic thinking is not the process of
‘positive thinking’ in the sense of repeating silly affirmations
that you don’t really believe.
Rather, it is the process of correcting distorted or faulty
thinking patterns that create health, career and relationship
problems for you.
By teaching yourself to think about things differently (but
just as realistically), you can morph yourself from a pessimist
to an optimist – and tame the Anger Bee in the process.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=11332&ca=Self+Help

3 Steps To Diffuse Family Anger

2009-01-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

Case #1: Jeanette and Tom had been married 15 years. Wanting to
surprise him for his birthday, Jeanette, with her own money,
bought Tom a big-screen LCD television.
Tom’s reaction? He instantly blew up and berated Jeanette for
spending so much money—buying more television than they needed,
a bigger model than they had previously looked at together.
Jeanette was dumbfounded at Tom’s reaction; she truly thought
this would be a gift that would greatly please him.
Case #2: Jim was having a friendly beer with his brother-in-law
Jack when the discussion turned to Jack’s success in life.
Wanting to compliment him, Jim commented on how far he had come,
how proud of himself he must be and how much he is an
inspiration to others, given his background with alcoholic and
dysfunctional parents.
Rather than seeing this as a compliment, however, Jack became
offended and angry. He berated Jim for “putting him down," as he
interpreted Jim’s comment.

Views cause anger

As these examples clearly show, people are not disturbed by
things or events, but by their view of them, as Epictetusan—a
Greek philosopher—observed early in the 2nd century.
When an upsetting family event occurs, you have a choice of how
you are going to explain it to yourself—what you are going to
tell yourself about it. This will influence how angry, stressed,
or upset, you become over the event.
Learning to change what you tell yourself —your self-talk— can
break the cycle of negativity that can often poison our minds
when we get angry. We all have 'scripts' in our minds that tell
us messages and stories about family members and how they
behave.
Tom, who exploded when his loving wife bought him a new
television, was telling himself things like: she has such poor
judgment-buying a bigger TV than we need; there she goes again,
spending money excessively; why can’t she ever do what I want
her to do? Why did I marry such a woman?
Of course, none of these things made any sense to Tom once he
cooled down and became his rational self again. But, at the
moment of anger explosion, Tom’s self-statements seem 100% true
to him.
Jack who became offended at being congratulated for overcoming
his past, was actually having the following conversation in his
head: he is putting me down because I had alcoholic parents; he
is saying I am not capable of being successful on my own instead
of 'overcoming' something in my past; he is mocking me because
of how I grew up.
No wonder he became so upset at Jim’s innocent attempt at a
compliment. Like many of us, Jack was responding to his
perspective of what was being communicated—not Jim’s.

Changing your self-talk

The next time anger threatens to spoil a family event, try
these simple steps:
Step 1: Retreat and think things over. Never respond
immediately to a family anger or stress trigger. Give your body
and your mind a chance to calm down so you can think rationally.
Research shows this may take at least 20 minutes.
Step 2: Examine the evidence. The most convincing way of
disputing negative self-talk toward a family member is to show
yourself it is factually incorrect. Do not lie to yourself,
but—like a detective —simply and honestly look at all the
evidence at hand.
For instance, when calm Tom remembered that his wife was
excellent with money and rarely overspent. Jack remembered that
Jim never disparaged him and, in fact, had always supported him
throughout the years of their friendship.
Step 3: Find a more positive and useful way of interpreting the
behavior of family members. Tom was finally able to see his
wife’s buying behavior as a sign of love and caring for him,
rather than trying to hurt him or cause stress.
Jack was eventually capable of seeing that Jim was truly trying
to compliment him and that he truly saw Jack as someone to be
admired because of how far he had come in life.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

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Anger - Ways To Handle Your Toddler's Powerful Anger

2009-01-17T04:32:00.000-08:00

Temper tantrums happen as your toddler develops more autonomy, and reaches out towards greater independence. Because he still lacks the emotional, verbal and mental skills at this stage in his development, he needs you to support him with clear, firm, consistent boundaries to help him learn to control his out of control emotions. He needs you to teach him how to be authentic with his angry feelings by observing you being authentic with yours.

Prevention

Prevention is always the first answer in regard to toddler behavior. Watch out for your child’s signs of tiredness, hunger and thirst. Keep to a regular routine for mealtimes and bedtimes. Be warm and affectionate and ensure your child feels as safe and secure as possible. All these actions are part of prevention.
Because a toddler's angry outburst is often so sudden, we all know, as parents, that there are times when we have been less than acceptable in our responses, especially when we are caught off guard. Tiredness, ill health and exasperation all bring out the worst in us.

Your childhood anger

Take a moment to think back into your own childhood. Try to remember a time when you were little and feeling confused, afraid, tired, cantankerous and quite out of sorts.
Do you remember having tantrums? Loosing your temper? Displaying your anger?
How was it dealt with in your family?
What did your parents do when you were really angry?
Were you allowed to be angry and let them know it?
Try to feel your feelings in regard to these questions. Any answers you can come up with will help you to understand your responses to your own child’s anger.
Do you find your reactions to your toddler’s tantrums disturbing?
Is it because you are embarrassed and ashamed, or do you fear that they are out of your control?
Toddler Behavior - Temper Tantrums
If you watch your toddler really expressing his anger, you can see it is in a totally all out physical way. The movements used help him to release emotion from every part of his body.
His legs flail, his arms pump, he yells, grimaces, hits out and he tries to punch everything around him. If he is left to follow the course of the tantrum, he is usually physically subdued by the sheer amount of pent up emotion which has been released and he is calm again.
However, most young children never get this far in a tantrum. Parents by and large go to some sort of measure to ensure that their toddler is restrained, prevented, held, distracted or punished for letting go of his angry feelings.
This is because we were all generally treated in this way when we were young and we have been conditioned to feel ashamed or fearful of anger and of angry outbursts.
Support and Reassurance
A toddler needs to learn how to control these powerful emotions and he needs you to help him and show him how.
He needs to have a supporting and calming presence when he explodes with rage so that he doesn’t grow up to feel ashamed of his anger, his emotions and himself.
As you reassure him, soothe him and help him to calm, his emotional memory stores this up.
It is this memory of being reassured and comforted that helps him to learn how to control his distressing angry outbursts.
Think back again to your own childhood anger. What is it that you would have needed most when you were small and feeling out of control? Nine times out of ten the answer is comfort.
Comfort
What sort of comfort are we referring to here?
Exactly the sort that is needed at that moment – concern, regard, support, attention, care, love, calm, soothing comfort.
Most of the time when your toddler is having a tantrum his emotions are completely out of control and he is helpless. He needs you to be in control of your emotions, not matching his out of control state.
Temper Tantrums as ManipulationHowever tantrums can also be acts of manipulation too and in this regard they reflect back to the parents their own inability to be consistent. If your child knows that when you say no you often don’t mean it, then they will manipulate in the way they know how – by throwing a great, noisy tantrum.
Be consistent – this makes you less able to be manipulated.
The Golden Rule
It seems to me that the best rule of thumb to follow when we are unsure about any of our reactions and responses as parents is to follow the golden rule.
* “Do to others as you would have them do to you”.
* Respond as you would like to be responded to.
Because children are people too, I believe that children have the right to be treated as I like to be treated.
* I do not like to be yelled at, pushed, slapped, hit, or physically mistreated in any way.
* I do not like being ignored, bullied, shamed, threatened, smacked, ridiculed or laughed at.
Therefore I believe it is a child’s right to expect the same behavior from me.
It is hard work to be keeping company with an exuberant, aggressive, angry toddler, but be assured that as you respond to them with supportive, calm, consistent, positive attention they will learn to control their out of control emotions.
Maintain authentic expression of your own emotions instead of masking them, pretending, stifling, acting and repressing them.
Communicate with your toddler by expressing your own emotions clearly and genuinely in safe and effective ways.

Source: www.isnare.com

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Anger Management: 10 Action Steps To Safely Process Anger

2009-01-17T04:18:00.000-08:00

Managing anger is actually not as complex as it may first seem. The first steps are to identify and acknowledge your own anger and then try to find the reason or cause of why are you angry. Emotions should not be suppressed. Repressing them only makes them rear their ugly heads in the long run, usually in a misdirected, explosive way.
Expressing one's anger is important, one only needs to do so in a manner that is appropriate and does not cause any one else, or even one's self, harm. The following are anger management tips to keep you and those around you emotionally and physically safe.

1. Buy yourself some time before reacting.
There may be instances where you realize that your outbursts of anger are having a negative effect on your friends, family and work colleagues, it is important therefore to take a little time out. If you find your anger is boiling up and will explode any minute, count from one to ten. This helps prior to actually leaving or reacting to the current angry situation at hand.

2. Do a physical activity.
Move a muscle, change a thought. Doing a physical activity could actually help provide you a positive outlet for any of your pent up emotions or anger, especially if you feel the emotions erupting. Go run or walk around, clean the house or office. Go swimming or try to lift some weights, shoot some baskets.

3. Calm, calm, calm yourself.
Whether you are angry or not, it is always helpful to do some breathing-deep exercises. You could try to visualize a scene that is relaxing. You could also try to repeat a word or a phrase that is calming for you. Repeat this as often as you possibly could. The word or phrase could be as simple as, relax or chill out.
You could also try listening to some calming music, do some painting, jot your thoughts out on a journal just to let your feelings out. You could also do some yoga.

4. Express yourself appropriately
It is really not advisable to stew. When you are angry, immediately acknowledge and own your anger and try to kick over alternative means of expression. If it is quite impossible to address your own anger in a manner that is safe and pertinent to the situation. Talk it out with a friend, family, therapist or counselor or any other person you think you could trust.

5. Always play the tape forward.
In the heat of anger, there may be instances where things said or done are those you usually would later regret. This actually hurts more than the anger itself, and one that you wished you could always take back but never could.
As much as possible, think twice before saying anything or acting in the heat of an angry moment. Explore the future ramifications.

6. Work with, not work against.
Realize that it is always best to work directly with the particular personor situation that has angered you in order to identify the possible solutions of a particular situation.

7. Hold yourself accountable.
Deep down, using statements that start with an 'I' help in describing a particular problem and so assists in holding yourself accountable rather than unnecessarily placing the blame on someone else. You may say, 'I am upset' rather than, 'You made me upset'
In actuality, no one has more control of your feelings than you. Do not let others make you angry without your express permission. You can choose to be angry, and you can also choose not to be angry as well.

8. Try not to carry resentment or grudge.
Holding resentment is actually unproductive and unhelpful in the long run. It is heavy and it holds you back. Believe it or not, it is always easier to forgive and let go. Resentments can linger for years after the event in your mind, when the person who affected you has long disappeared from the scene.

9. Be realistic.
The fact of the matter is that it is quite unrealistic to make sure or even expect anyone to go behave the way you exactly want them to.

10. Don't take yourself so seriously.
IN the grand scheme of the cosmos, how important was the event that set you off? Humor can be an effective diffuser of tension. Remember there are many ways of looking at a situation, maybe your way is not the correct way.
There are many more tolls to use in anger management. Keep a journal and note every time you get angry or on any situation you feel has angered you. You may refer to this list in the future and use it as a productive tool to know which things set you off in order for you to know, monitor and be aware of the reactions you express, in order for you to change these for the better.
The most important anger management tip is to identify, own, and process the emotion when it occurs and not let it build up.

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